Why did I put up with it for so long?

[pendulumcuts]

I'm finally over my ex g/f but now what I'm wondering is why was I at the time still in love for 4 years with a shallow, unemotional woman who cheated on me countless times with the same guy, then later on dumps me to be with the same guy she cheated with but then after several months later dumps the other guy and came back crawling to me. Yes I have taken her back and so we were back together for a while and everything was alright (she actually started saying how wrong and sorry she was) until I overheard a convo. she was having with yet another guy and making up a story about how I was abusive and cheating on her. So basically she fed me with more lies after lies that it was then I had enough already.

 

Seriously she would never apologize for anything she did wrong instead she would find excuse and blame it on me. The interesting part is when it was finally me the one dumping her last month she had no emotion on her face and all she say was "Fine with me, you can go but eventually another one will come, there's a lot of fishes in the sea". I couldn't believe it, this actually started to sound like possibly a sociopath.

 

Now I used to make fun of the girls being stuck with either jerks or abusive men but I'm a hypocrite. Why did I let someone treat me like garbage for so long, what was wrong with me?

 

I'm just sad now can't believe I stay with a someone that never care about me. I don't knwo why she did that if I was there for her in every way and was very affectionated as well.

[cordelia]

You stayed with her because you were still in love with her and you wanted to believe that she was also in love with you. We've all done this at some point or another. Sure its easy to tell someone to leave there lover if they are treating you badly, but that's way easier said than done!

I know I've been guilty of this in the past, and I still never left my bf. It was him that ended it with me! And it always seems that when they hurt us or reject us, it makes us want to be with them even more.

 

I doubt she would stay with you if she didn't give a crap at all. She probably just got used to the fact and took advantage that you would always be around.

Hang in there..it sounds like you are getting over her so don't waste anytime blaming yourself. Instead you should be proud for moving on!

 

Best of luck in 2007!

[langford]

The centuries old "treat them mean keep them keen" mantra still rings true it seems.

 

We have all been emotional masochists at one point or another,everyone of us so don't feel so terrible about it.You loved this girl and though she obviously did'nt deserve it,it does'nt lessen you as a person to have offered it.

 

Often we don't believe we deserve respect or love,this is your opportunity to have standards.

 

Being cheated on is a rejection it makes you question your value as a boyfriend,as a person.I think the reason it took you so long to get over her is because the experience probably decimated your sense of worth.It often seems safer to just reflect and hang on to the old relationship than to risk it all again on new one and move on.

 

I was in the same situation with an ex-boyf, I cheated on him countless times,similar story.He stuck around also,refused to break up,would'nt let it go even after I broke up with him,wasted years trying to get us back together.He was a great guy,a whole bunch of girls were completely in love with him. He deserved more.

 

Crazy as dr phil is,he's right when he says you teach people how to treat you,the last time I saw him he didnt give me the time of day it was the first time I recognised what I had.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Because your self esteem was / is so low felt you didn't deserve better. I hope it improves!

[Daddy Bear]

Thank you for posting, pendulumcuts. It's comforting to be reminded that I'm not the only seemingly rational person who has allowed this injustice into his life and tolerated it for years. I'm so glad that we're both past it, and I hope that someone reading this thread will be empowered to escape a similar hell that he or she may be enduring even now.

[cchurting]

You gave something to your cheating ex that is very precious...your love.

 

Thank goodness she is not recieving it no more. Only because someone is going to receive your love and feel so privleged to have it. That is the way it is supposed to be.

 

Don't beat yourself up for sticking around so long. There is nothing wrong with you.

 

Just think, if you left before you were ready, you probably would still be pondering "what if..?" You would still be beating yourself up, even if you left right away.

 

Just take it as a lesson and not as a mistake. I know it is hard to see it that way right now, but in time you will.