Communication & Respect Issues

[fIIsion]

Have been seeing someone now for about 5months, I'll call her R.

 

Generally the relationship has been great, we enjoy each other's company, have done many things together and have started to develop feelings for one another.

 

Two days ago, I had become overdrawn on my bank account and had no money until the following day. I felt a little awkard as we were going out that day but could not contribute towards a meal etc.

This should of not have been a problem as we both equally pay our share of the bills, yet I would not simply expect her to pay.

 

What happened next was totally unexpected, she basically implied that I was lying and in fact was using this as an excuse becasue she felt for some reason I had become resentfull of me paying most of the time.

 

This then went on to accusing me of being money orientated and a bit tight-fisted.

When everything came out in the wash, she then went on to explain that in fact all of this has stemed from issues with her Father during childhood.

 

 

Yet she still felt this way about me and even though this caused me hurt, her response was basically to "lump it"

 

We did not speak for two days, then when she finally called back ( I thought she might apologise) she talked as if nothing had happened.

When I brought back up the issue as being unresolved, she became very defensive, would not listen to a word I had to say, talked over me, and the very last three things were to "GET OVER IT" , swore at me " and then slammed the phone down.

 

My immediate thought is to call this is a day, but perhaps there might be a way to talk this through with her without her getting defensive.

 

R is 31, quite independent and I have now become aware that few of her long-term (6 months for her) relationships survive.

[DN]

I am a little puzzled. You say that you equally pay the share of the bills but then that she thought you were resentful about paying most of the time.

[fIIsion]

I didn't find out till later today and forgot to include, my sister had talked with her some months ago and they were both talking about my ex.

 

My sister for some reason had felt that I was always paying for things when I was with my ex and that i was being taken for a ride.

 

R's response was defensive.

 

I have never compained to R or felt that I needed to complain as, I have already stated that we both share the bills equally.

[Rabican]

Id get a bank statement showing you being overdrawn . I would also tell her that I was waiting for her to apologize for calling me a liar, accusing me of being resentful, etc. etc.