Do you ever rebuild trust?

[yeawutever]

I just hate the lying, it's on both sides man or woman, they all cheat and lie and will do it again. good luck and be true to yourself that's all you can do.

 

No not all men as well as not all women cheat, if you're really in love like you say then you don't cheat, simple as that. It's not nice making a general statement like that by applying the word "all" just b/c you had a bad experience. Ley me add, yes I'm in love for the first time ever and nope I would never cheat, not even if Jutsin Timberlake or other famous celebrities were there. Both me and my b/f have no sympathy for cheaters. I would show him the door with no hesitation if he ever cheat and I would expect the same thing if it was the other way around.

 

[radioheader]

i'm in this situation as well...husband cheated twice in 14 year marriage..once in the beginning and the other 1 1/2 ago. he moved out and then courted me back and moved back in a year ago...everything was great until he became confused about the other woman afer a few months and we hit counseling again...he promied he woudn't contact her while working on our marriage but in the end he did in october secretly...it finially came out but he said it gave him final closure (she had a new boyfriend and had moved on...i'd say that is one type of closure!) but really that was kinda the last straw...we had built up some trust again through honest communication and then he threw it all away on that phone call....now he says he is truly over her and committed to me and the kids...but i just can't seem to really trust him...but i don't snoop...it is like i just don't care anymore!...i'm not sure you can ever get the trust back totally...the real question is whether you can live with it or not...

[Mr. Brightside]

The simple answer to this topic: No.

 

In my experience, you will never get back that trust you originally had with the person. Of course we all like to think so, but I have come to find that there are certain things we need to accept in life.

 

I tried to give her another chance, but it's tough to break old habits, unless they are 100% willing to do so. But even then, if they were 100% willing, we wouldn't be in this predicament in the first place, would we?

[tiredofthis]

So...

 

I apologize for making a general comment like that, but it was directed towards that it isn't gender-based.

 

so Melis, as everyone in here trys to give you advice and you process all of it and try to decide what to do, listen to this...I confronted my fiancee last night and she left me. Me confronting her the previous evening set her off and she decided to unload on me everything she's been bottling up inside and we're through, she is moving out today as we speak and it hurts a lot. When I said be true to yourself, you can't just settle for less and not be true to yourself. It will eat at you, day after day. I did it and now I'm emotionally paying for it, but I'm going to be alright. This forum has helped me a lot to deal with this and hopefully will continue as the next few weeks are going to be ungodly.

 

-doing it on my own in san diego

[Rabican]

I would expect that it would take some time to fully trust him again.. Trust is earned, not given freely. Once someone breaks that trust, they and you, should expect that it wont come back easily.

However, you should not go through life forever not trusting him. If this is a behavior that is never going to end, you snooping on him always... then you have to just end it. Tell him you realized that you simply cannot trust him and thats that. If you feel that given time you can trust him again, then just try to work through it. If you snoop, and get caught.... well hes just gonna have to deal. Just tell him, look you cheated, your the one making me do this, I just wanted to know if I was being duped like before (maybe not in those exact words) but you get my point (i think).

[Misser]

I think he deserves to be patrolled. Every girlfirend has the right to patrol to some extent, especially when they are suspicious.

[Melis]

Thank you misser! I figure he did this to himself by cheating on me! Granted I did say I would forgive him and move forward. But if he for any reason felt he needed to patrol me I wouldn't get upset about it, Id do just the opposite, Id try to fix whatever it was that was making him think I was cheating or doing something wrong!

[Melis]

tiredofthis im sorry to hear about your breakup....we seem to kinda be in the same situation, everytime I say something to my ex, confront him about something etc, he flips out and gets mad at me...and has before ended things between us. He says hes a big boy, and cant live life having someone tell him what he can and cannot do. That he just doesn't meet my expectations. The thing is I dont have real high expectations for him, I just ask that hes honest and doesn't cheat on me AGAIN! When he gets defensive it only makes me think hes hide something even more. Here lately I have just stopped calling, texting, etc. The only time we talk is if he calls or texts me, and here lately b/c I stopped putting in the effort, he calls all the time. He even showed up at my house at 3am this morning after he got off work. I think he is getting the sense that Im just tired of stressing, and I'm to that point where i just dont care anymore!

[Northalius]

I feel trust would never be built up nearly to where it was before. Cheating is the ultimate, and disgusting, way of saying "I don't want to be with you anymore" without telling you to your face, while they have their fun behind your back. If someone doesn't want to be with me, then I'll just leave.

 

It'd hurt a lot, but self-respect must overcome this hurt, and tell me to move on to someone that'll actually care about me.

[yeawutever]

Actually cheating to me would be like saying "Oh well there's another girl better than you and you're in second place", thus the reason why that would be a complete deal breaker to. Nothing worst than knowing you were replaced. I would rather stand up for myself and be alone than being stuck with someone that doesn't commit.