broke nc kind of

[Benson]

I broke no contact by emailing my ex with 'ihope u had a great christmas and have a good new year. theres so much i want to say right now but i cant, im healing.'

 

 

it was a bad idea wasnt it??

 

even if i could get back with her i dont think i would so it was just a gesture in my mind..

 

 

I was the bigger person in the relationship, and im still a very courteous man. I think 2 years together deserves a happy new year... Its the way I am.

[Biffy]

That's not "kind of" breaking NC B, that's breaking NC!

 

That's a bad Benson!

 

What's done is done, definitely stick to strict NC from here on in or we'll set Superdave and his duct tape on you!

[needingadvice]

hi benson i dont know your full story am new here but i will have a read, but try not to beat yourself up over breaking it as that won't do you any good. what's happened has happened, i would say to continue as if it hadnt of happened. you cant change it now but if she doesnt respond dont follow it up with another email as i know from experience that might be a temptation for you. try not to worry about it too much we all have moments where we feel we hit a wave of grief and sometimes keeping control of our emotions during that time is incredibly hard x

[Benson]

yeah this wave for me lasted 24 hours... a full 24 hours..

 

damnit. she doesnt even deserve for me to write that... oh well im sure this will pass....

 

To me a love was left over nothing, just a broken bridge for no apparent reason..

 

I know i wont contact her again, i just figured after almost 2 months it wouldnt appear as I Was trying to get her back.. you know. If shes moved on like she says she has then it shouldnt matter what I write..

I am almost over her, ive started to feel alot better about it already, just these past 2 days were bad.

[kickedin]

dude....we talked about this.....you need to make yourself appear strong even if you are not if you are seriously wanting her back.....otherwise it is unattractive......i know its hard trust me it s hard i deal with it everyday

 

if you do nothing then nothing can happen....it needs to ber her idea not convinced by you

[Benson]

kickedin: yeah... I am sure that shes not comin back... email or not...

 

but did that email make me sound weak at all?? it has been like 40 days almost

[needingadvice]

i think its probably alot to do with the time of year also. first christmas then new year and you wouldnt be human if you didnt remember new years gone by etc and times you shared. that has probably contributed to how youve been feeling the past few days as well as the fact that a new year to some people signals new beginnings and it just all feels a bit hard at the moment. from the sounds of it youve been doing really really well. you cant turn the clock back now and not send the email but definitely dont beat yourself up. you will have showed her how strong you are by doing NC for that long. the day i reach that length of NC i will be very proud of myself x

[kickedin]

kickedin: yeah... I am sure that shes not comin back... email or not...

 

but did that email make me sound weak at all?? it has been like 40 days almost

 

no not weak but she knows you are still back up.....thats the problem in itself my ex came back because she though i moved on after 4 months while she was till out there......so when she thought i was still pining because "i loved her sooo much" she was safe to explore

[Benson]

yeah for sure i was strong.. thing is, I am really mad at her for how she lied to me for a month or so, but the email wasnt about that. I still am mad.

 

And in the email I put that all aside. Sure, I still care about her, do I want her back? My heart tells me yes but my brain tells me no. So its no.

 

Also, I was always the amiable one, the one to do things that were right, no matter what. This girl could've taken off my left arm and I would have wished her a happy new year hehe

[Benson]

you guys offer so much good advice.. i dont know where i'd be without you.

[paulapalooza]

Don't worry about it Benson. I totally caved with NC and sent a Happy Birthday email just trying to be nice. I didn't get the validation I wanted because I was still hopeful that the break up may turn around. I learned and have been happily NC for 3 months. You will too.

 

Good luck!

[Benson]

Thanks paulapalooza.

 

I took a shower and regained some of my composure. I dont regret sending that email at all. I dont want to be hateful but she's a coward, until she grows up some. So I wont get a reply.

 

some thoughts:

 

There are a few things I know in my brain, but my heart has to realize..

1. This girl, was not for me, I know she wasnt.

2. There is someone waiting for me, somewhere.. And she will be even better.

 

3. A loss of love happens every day, all around the world. Its normal i suppose. It's also normal to want them back no matter what they did because of all the time you invested..

 

 

I guess it just takes time. Hurts like hell but it takes time.

 

My brain knows exactly what to do... and knows the truth now I just need my heart to accept it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

thanks again.