The way she flirts is killing me...

[Majere1972]

I will try to make this short. I just recently got together with a girl that is probably the greatest thing to happen in my marital life. She is very trusting, and I trust her... to a point. My past seems to always catch up with me as my last two relationships ended up ridiculously over on a moments notice. My first real relationship was two years. I found that those two years were not faithful, and definitely not worth my time. She flirted, I ignored. Because it wasn't a big thing with me then. I trusted her. My second relationship, which seems tragic, but not necessarily so, I was used to have a child. The whole time she was with me, she was with her fiance'. We were together for nine months, and her excuse for leaving was that I wasn't paying her bills. My son is seven now, and I have not been with anybody for that many years because of distrust and hate for women. Now that I have decided that I am ready again, I seem to have dropped myself into a situation. Don't get me wrong, she is most definitely NOT like the others, but she has some of the same habits. Flirting. The way she flirts bothers me. Normally it only happens when we go out for drinks, but when she flirts, she kisses other guys, she grabs crotches, and other things. For some stupid reason, I just know she wouldn't do anything with them. Also, I am her first real relationship. She has had one experience with sex and that turned out to be the worst experience that she could have. She is 26, and she has lived her life this way her whole life so I know I can't be prejudgemental. But with my past, I can't seem to get over the idea that I am just another one of her flirts instead of her boyfriend. She has mentioned before about trying to fix things so I do have a little comfort in this. Am I being to much of a girl, or just totally impatient? Maybe a little too in touch with my feminine side??? Any advice would be much appreciated. I don't want to lose this woman over my stupid insecurities.

Lonny

[zippitt]

I hate to say it but the extent of her flirting needs to change or you need to get rid of her. That's just plain wrong, she isn't just flirting...thats sexual contact grabbing people like that. What's worse is she does that all in front of you. Maybe she's trying to make you jealous, I don't know. You need to really confront her about that, she needs to know that bothers you. Otherwise it will just go on and on, you will eventually be consumed with anger, jealousy, and hurt. To me it sounds like she is testing you, seeing how much she can get away with. I know you say that she wouldn't do anything more, just dont wait around to find out. I know it's not easy, but I hope it helps.

[Lightingbird]

Flirting...

 

When it comes to your direction alone. It sends a signal of attraction.

When it comes to several men. The signal spells out something else.

 

It has been awhile for you. Don't overly grasp at the first good attracton that you come accross. She is flirting in front of you because either she doesn't care of your reaction or she is signaling to you that she is not loyal to you and don't be surprised if you discover more.

 

Stay her friend if you chose but by no means should you pursue a love a relationship with this woman.

 

Think of your future. Most people know when a mistake is coming...

 

They just simply lie to themselves.

[axe03]

check it out.......shes not stupid enough to not know wtf shes doing...its all down to her feelings of love and respect that she has for you.every woman ive known that has always made it a point to paint this big picture about there untarnished sexual past,and how they have such a high level of self respect,has turned out to be the exact opposite.its called smoke screening.women are far better liars and decievers then men are.men lie about anything and everything most of the time,for really no reason at all.however womens lies have alibis and motives,as well as their actions and deeds.flirting to make you jealous in a mild way,or if she has a low cnfidence level in herself is understandable.and unless she is a blackout drinker?that kissing and crotch grabbing is unexceptable!kick her to the curb now,or you deserve it...

[talk2me]

If she does these things in your presense, what does she do when you are not around? I realize some personality types are just this way, but she shouldn't still be seeking the attention of other men, especially if she loves you. I would never flirt with another man, why would I! The only man I would ever want is my partner and his attention would satisfy me 100%. Another option, is start flirting with other women infront of her, give her a taste of her medicine. I bet she wouldn't like it too much, she needs to understand how it feels.

[Holly]

Lonny - You've already had two bad experiences with women,... don't make this one your third, she ain't worth it!

 

Maybe you've discussed the issues of these other women with your present girlfriend.... and knowing that she's the first one to come along in seven years has gone to her pretty little head a bit too much!

 

She's doing much worse than making you jealous, she's confusing you and won't stop until your self esteem is at 'zilch'.... she has NO respect for you, kissing other guys and grabbing their crotches is hardly the kind of behavior of any self respecting woman!

 

LET HER GO... GET RID OF HER!!

 

You sound like a decent kinda guy,... you don't deserve for this woman to walk all over you. You deserve the love and caring of a good woman,.... pick yourself up, dust yourself down... and she'll be along when you least expect it!

 

 

axe03

every woman ive known that has always made it a point to paint this big picture about there untarnished sexual past,and how they have such a high level of self respect,has turned out to be the exact opposite.

We're NOT all like that!!

[brandos lovechild]

IM AFRAID ALL WOMEN R LIKE THAT AND ITS VERY,VERY SCARY!!!!! TALK2ME is 100% correct, with this flrting she has let u know that its acceptable for you to do it as well. so have a few drinx,pinch some ladies butts,tell a few lines and who knows,maybe the best thing that could ever happen for you would. 1.SHE STARTS CRYING AND GETS REAL INSECURE. 2.SHE DUMPS YOU ( OH NO YOUVE REALLY LOST A DIAMOND THERE) 3. YOU MEET A NON-BITCH AND YOU LIKE HER. good luck son.

[ades]

If she does these things in your presense, what does she do when you are not around? I realize some personality types are just this way, but she shouldn't still be seeking the attention of other men, especially if she loves you. I would never flirt with another man, why would I! The only man I would ever want is my partner and his attention would satisfy me 100%. Another option, is start flirting with other women infront of her, give her a taste of her medicine. I bet she wouldn't like it too much, she needs to understand how it feels.

 

My ex did this a lot, when she had a bit to drink, she would get very flirty with all the boys (and of course, they encouraged). I would get jealous and moody and all the guys would think I was overly possessive. Then I would take her aside and tell her what she was doing and she would just say "she didn't realise she was doing it" (part alcohol and part personality type?).

 

If any females out there can answer, is this a "valid" reasoning - "I didn't realise"? Or do you always know when you're flirting?