I let a bad situation get the better of me. I need help.

[junior1]

Well here is my story.

 

My girlfriend and I had been dating for 2.5 years and near the end of November she broke up with me.

 

Our entire relationship was long distance, and no doubt made things harder than normal. But we did really good considering. During the past 8-9 months of the relationship, i got myself into a rut regarding career related issues, and I let it spill over into my relationship. Don't get me wrong, I never mistreated her or disrespected her or didn't make her feel loved. I had a career that was going nowhere, no friends, and no life outside of her. I never liked who I turned into and always knew it was a temporary situation. BUT, because I was worried and wanted to be sure it wasn't something more, i went to see a Dr. and talked about what was going on, he assured me it was not depression, just a situational problem. Thank goodness!

 

I made her my whole life, and I realise how much pressure i put on her. There are many things that I am kicking myself for, because i know it was not the "real" me that did some of those negative things.

 

Her breaking up with me was a HUGE wake-up call and really spurred me into action. Since the break up I have changed city's(i am now living in the same city as her because a good job opportunity came along) I have a new appartment that i love, and i have a new job. Pretty much did a 180 on my life.

 

Her and I grew apart because of my "mood", and i'm convinced if i had not slid into this rut, all would be well.

 

The night she broke up with me, wasn't even planned, she wasn't going to at all, but i was in a "poor me" mood and actually dragged it out of her. In fact 2 days before she said she loved me, and we were planning New Years and so on... This is very confusing to me.

 

I know that she was second guessing her decision, but she is VERY good at pushing things to the back of her head and not dealing with it. Since the break up she has said things like, she would like to see how things go over the next 6 months(which is very weird because in the past when talking about timeframes, she always said i don't know or something vague), and "if" anything were to happen it would be very slow.

 

There has been limited contact, the odd email, or the even odder phone call. I have been doing very well at not contacting her but not avoiding her contact.

 

I do love her, and I don't want her to come back to me and see if things have changed, i want her to come back BECAUSE she see's i have changed and wants to come back. We do not run in the same circles so seeing eachother is not an option unless we make plans to see eachother. How do i make her "see" if there is no contact?

 

I'm very unsure of how to go forward and make this happen, I have done all the major things i could think of, not only for a chance at reconcilliation but for MY benefit, because i want to be a better person and have a more balanced life.

 

I can't fit everything that has gone on into this post, so if there are details that i have left out that would help with your advice, please ask and i will add more info.

 

Thanks to all who read this, all help is appreciated

[insofar]

This is just my opinion. If you truly, truly believe the breakup was because of a temporary state that you were in, draft up an email or a letter explaining everything that you've done since, that you realize that you were pushing her away, and asking if she'd like to try again. Make very sure you don't pressure her at any point in the message. Once you've sent it, that's it, you wait for her response. No more emails after that if she doesn't respond, and if she doesn't, it's time to go NC in earnest and try to move on.

 

Just be ready for her to either not respond or say she's just not in love with you any more. You'd be taking a huge risk with your feelings, but if you think it's justified and you're willing to accept the possible (even probable) negative consequences, do it.

 

Edit: Reading the last bit of your message again, I think I should point out something: If it turns out she doesn't love you any more, there's no way you can force her to love you again. Any attempts to do so will just cause pain for you.

[Mrs Elliott Smith]

If, like you believe, this girl broke up with you due to your general mood (resulting from career issues), why would you ever want to get back with her?

 

It seems as if now that you've "fixed yourself," so to speak, she should want you back-- as if you were never good enough for her in the first place. And that's not good. You shouldn't feel that you weren't good enough for her before, and that NOW you are.

 

People go through phases in life, they have their ups and downs, and this is only natural. But why would you ever want to go back to someone who did not stand by you during one your low-points in life? Whatever happened to loving someone else through "thick and thin?"

 

This is all just my opinion, of course.

[Panacea]

Well... My advice is this:

 

Since you have stated that you've turned around your life, and gotten back on your feet, then you've already won the battle as far as I can see things. You have nothing to lose, and here's why. If you decide to carry on with your life without this woman, than sooner or later the pain of losing her will fade and you will meet someone 'better' eventually. However, if you decide to confront her with your true feelings (confront may be a little harsh, but you get my drift), then regardless of the outcome, you will know one way or another. Of course, the result of getting turned away can possibly be painful, but you will truly know. Remember, if the person you are thinking of truly cares about you, then they will make an effort to be with you and will support you through thick and thin. On the hindside, if someone left me when I was down, I would be leery of getting back together with them because I feel that a couple should be able to lean on eachother in times of need, within reason of course. Who's to say that if times got tough again (I hope not) that she wouldn't leave you again?

 

You've made great steps - take pride in what you've done and make new pathways, and don't let anyone drag you down, even if this relationship fails to blossom again.

 

Best of luck!