Wasn't the best Christmas

[mustbefate]

Hello Everyone,

 

I've been a long time lurker. But, seeing as how my 7-year relationship ended just before Christmas... here I am.

 

As with anyone dealing with a break-up, I'm having a really hard time. We'd been engaged for about 2.5 years and owned a house together for about 4 - 5 months.

 

I've having a really hard time moving-on (as she was the one who intiated the break-up). Not only was I emotionally involved with this person for so long... but, the break-up during the holidays is not helping. And even after the holiday, I still have to contend with the fact that we now have to sell this house.

 

I've forgotten what its like to be single. I've already been approached by girls; but, I simply lack the mindset for it. Given that I first get the house sold, what's recommended for someone who practically had a marriage with someone... Is it best just to be alone and reflect for a while? Or should I get out there and meet people for the sake of helping me move-on?

 

Thanks in advance for all those who comment!

 

-Brian

[prtygrl1973]

First of all, sorry for your breakup. I don't see any need into getting right out there and Looking for another relationship. However, there is nothing wrong with falling into another one. Just take life as it gives you. If you happen to stumble on to something, great --- if not, oh well...... I just mean, don't go "looking" for something.

 

Question... why was the engagement so long? I ask because it seems odd to me that you would be engaged and not be so excited to plan and get married. Just wondering...

[mustbefate]

The great debate was either wedding or house...

 

At the time, we were living with my parents saving-up money. We decided that we didn't need a marriage ceremony to prove our feelings and bought the house instead... with the plan of getting married in about a year after buying the house.

 

I know that owning a home is stressful... but, I'm having a hard time understanding why it took getting a house for her to figure out that she didn't want this relationship. I mean... if she was having such doubts... why get a house?

 

I digress...

 

Anyways, about getting back into the saddle again... Before I started dating this person, I had waited two years after the prior relationship... that one was also pretty serious, but not this serious.

 

Problem is that my 28th birthday is just around the corner... and I'm starting to feel as though the best years of my life to find a life partner are drawing to an end. I fear that I'm starting adopt that mindset of all the good ones are taken

 

-Brian

 

First of all, sorry for your breakup. I don't see any need into getting right out there and Looking for another relationship. However, there is nothing wrong with falling into another one. Just take life as it gives you. If you happen to stumble on to something, great --- if not, oh well...... I just mean, don't go "looking" for something.

 

Question... why was the engagement so long? I ask because it seems odd to me that you would be engaged and not be so excited to plan and get married. Just wondering...

[J6hn]

Question... why was the engagement so long? I ask because it seems odd to me that you would be engaged and not be so excited to plan and get married. Just wondering...

 

Postponing a marriage is often for financial security and sometimes there's a grace period for certain religions.

 

I'm very sorry to hear of this, 7 years is a long time and it can't be easy to just let go, especially because of the strong bond you must have developed.

 

Do not go looking for another relationship.

Looking for one means you're likely to rebound, I suggest let one find you.

It may take time, infact it definitly will, but just try to enjoy yourself and stay happy.

Clear from your head the breakup and live life to its fullest.

[J6hn]

Problem is that my 28th birthday is just around the corner... and I'm starting to feel as though the best years of my life to find a life partner are drawing to an end. I fear that I'm starting adopt that mindset of all the good ones are taken

 

Don't think like that.

My Dad is dating at 52.

It may not seem like an option you'd want to try, but online match making might help you find someone local who's single and apeals to you.

[someguy1976]

Well stop worrying about being alone, it's really not that big of a deal, at your age you have pleanty of time. I would recommend trying to keep the house until you can build some equity, get a roomie or something. You will thank yourself in 5-10 years, trust me. Second, I know this is hard for you to deal with, and well, you just have to take it one day at a time. Tell yourself that she is a whacko, and you don't need her stress and problems in your life. I also really would be to excited about having children, they're great and all, but they will cause you a lot of stress, and money! An average child will cost upwards of $200,000 in the 18 years they live at home, that's a lot of money. I don't feel that you're emotionally stable to handle that responsibility either. Maybe look at some self esteem issues too. I know that being single is a hard thing for anyone to do, but you will accomplish this just fine. Thank your stars that the marriage did not go through, because you do not have to split anything!

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Please take some time to heal before embarking on another relationship. You have lots of time. If you go into a relationship too soon before properly healing, you will hurt yourself in the long run and really really hurt an innocent person who will fall for you and then find out that she was just a way for you to get over your ex. Even if you tell her right off the bat, she will still have hopes that she can "heal you". Only you can heal yourself, ALONE.

 

You were engaged, you had visions of a future with this woman. She ripped your heart out. You need time to grieve this relationship, get out the anger and hurt and sadness over the broken dreams. Only when you go through the unbearably painful process of grieving this relationship and coming out whole again, will you be ready to enter the dating scene again.

[mustbefate]

I would definitely agree that this relationship hasn't exactly done me wonders for my self-esteem. Since the break-up, I'm starting to realize how messed-up I've become over this relationship.

 

With regard to the house, I would definitely agree with the comments made about building-up equity. Its totally frustrating that this is the first house I've ever owned... and look how things have turned out. I have thought about the whole roommate idea. But the thing is that this house already has such emotional baggage. Every room I walk into, I can recall a fight taking place. Plus, I'm not exactly wild about bringing girls (in the future) to this house.

 

I'm kind of at that point of selling it for what I can and minimize my losses. Consider it an expensive learning experience.

 

-Brian