I need answers.

[Xia]

I tried to commit suicide 2 years ago, but here I am. Now I don't want to die anymore, but I can't really enjoy life. I feel all kind of things which just won't leave me alone. For example, when something good happens to be I can't be happy for a long while, because I keep thinking what something bad will happen. I don't understand. If I had a great day and everything went well, why do I feel so depressed at night, thinking of what could happen.

[SkylinesTurnstiles]

Have you gone to se a doctor about depression?

[Xia]

Yes. I've seen many doctors and I've taken Zoloft for 6 months.

[NKP]

How about take the Zoloft for abit longer, let it stay in you for longer try atless a year or something

[Bethany]

It's habit caused by months, years of fear and depression.

 

Before you go to bed, write down a list of things to think about that make you smile and happy and keep that list by your bedside, and use it to break the same ol' habit.

 

Change your night time habits too, play some peaceful music, read a heart warming book, anything to change that same evening pattern. In other words...Be prepared and catch yourself before you fall....Works wonders.

 

Give it a few months to work, nothing can be changed in one night, especially something so ingrained in you, but it does help to break that 'dread' habit.

[jengh]

Now I realize that drugs work completely different on every person. But, my depression worsened and they tried me on Zoloft. It made everything 100000x WORSE! While I realize it works wonders for some people, for me, it had the opposite effect. I wound up attempting suicide.... due to lack of general happiness, hopelessness, worthlessness, anger, sadness... all of which had greatly escalated after starting the Zoloft. Now, I in no way blame the Zoloft for my actions...

 

Perhaps you could talk to your MD about switching meds. Tell him/her exactly how you're feeling. Do you have that numb feeling? That's kinda how I felt.

 

There are SO many different antidepressants out there. Depending on the drug, they can take a couple of months to fully build up in your system to see maximum results. In my opinion, I wouldn't wait a full year. 6 months to me, seems like a substantial amount of time and if it's not helping, it may be time to add another to it or ween yourself off and start a new one.

 

I'm taking a mix of Wellbutrin and Prozac right now. For the first time in years, I feel like a human being. I'm not numb. I don't feel like I would be better off dead. I ENJOY life.

 

I also have an EXCELLENT psychologist I see every week or two. Have you tried therapy?

[mylastwords23]

I tried to commit suicide 2 years ago, but here I am. Now I don't want to die anymore, but I can't really enjoy life. I feel all kind of things which just won't leave me alone. For example, when something good happens to be I can't be happy for a long while, because I keep thinking what something bad will happen. I don't understand. If I had a great day and everything went well, why do I feel so depressed at night, thinking of what could happen.

 

Living and thinking the way that we do leaves us in a state of fear, not really from anything outside in the world, but rather our own emotional state. The fleeting moments of happiness and contentment are tainted by the constant expectation that they could end at any moment. With that in mind, it seems that we never really get a break from the anxiety. We become so accustomed to feeling lousy that we cautiously question anything else because it doesn't feel like we can trust our own perceptions of the world anymore.

 

 

Edit: In response to what Carl said, I have been working out a lot in the last year - it's helped a lot. I also abuse sleeping medication but I don't really think that is useful advice, but I'm not going to lie about it.

[Carl5000]

Thats interesting jen, my doctor's suggested i take anti-depressants. Although, I can't visualise that my mood swings are biological. Its mostly down to my circumstances and things external to me and it isn't irrationality either. I'm slightly depressed atm, although its just a seasonal disorder and my mood usually lifts after the new year. Plus, i have too much time off during christmas and the new year period, which gives me plenty of time to self-reflect.

 

Thinking is a disease, im at my happiest when im engaged in tasks where i don't have to self-reflect. Or, if i'm at home alone, i usually try not to worry or go over problems too much, as worrying usually just runs amok. Suicide isn't an option anymore, you always have hope, even in the most desperate situations. I like to view life as a challenge these days and suicide as a form of weaknesses. Its just an absurd example of power dynamics. You always have a glimmer of hope in life, not matter how many things r stacked against you.

 

Mylastwords, can't you work on keeping busy or use a from of repression, denial to get away from ur anxiety. Many yrs ago, i suffered from anxiety for several weeks and i was seriously contemplating suicide. I could empathise with ppl self-harming as i was desperate to deflect the mental pain. A good analogy i was taught is that anxiety is similar to anger. Where, it just keeps on building and similarly to anger it can turn into a full blown rage. Your thinkings becomes completely out of sink and problems escalate and ur can never resolve them through worrying, its utterly useless.

 

Currently, im totally pissed off with life, yet in a sense its a case of bring it on, with fate, guns, arrows, slings and what not) part of me is in a war like spirit, wanting to fight back and take on the world. All rather hilarious, yet enhancing. Im focusing on getting past the New year and resuming with my normal routine, it just can't come quick enough. I can't lie, it does feel like i'm running into a 30feet wall at times and i'd need a human solution to quantum tunneling to reach the otherside. I have hope as my little demi-god )