...just venting

[sillygurl]

omg, what a terrible day! It hurts, it just won't stop hurting. I've never been a huge fan of Christmas, but this year was the pits...I couldn't stop thinking about my (now ex) nieces whom I will never be able to buy presents for again. I wonder if my ex-huband's new fiancee (they were engaged before we were divorced) will get them presents that they like better. I wonder if they already forgot me?

 

I feel so empty, so alone. I just spent Xmas eve in a bar, being hit on by my "friend" as his girlfriend bought the bar drinks with his money. How depressing! I just don't know how to stop feeling so horrible anymore. I'm exhausted from feeling so terrible.

 

I want to be in my warm bed, but I can never be in it again, because SHE is in it. SHE is in my bed...I really want to hate her, especially since my ex bought her the ring I wanted, but I don't have the energy to hate anyone. In fact, I just don't have energy period. I am so miserable, I just want to crawl under a rock until things stop hurting....I hurt, so much, emotionally and phyusically that I even took Excedrin PM hours ago, in the hopes that the hurt would go away and I'd be able to sleep through Christmas...

Instead I had nightmares about my ex and kept waking up.

 

I feel so pathetic, I hate feeling this way! Anyway, thanks for letting me vent.

[Ellie2006]

Hey SG,

Long time no see!

I am so sorry to hear that you're having a terrible day

 

You are *not* pathetic. I do not want you to even go there!

Holidays, while a joyful season, unwittingly brings up many memories, both good and bad ...

 

Easier said than done, I know, but focus on the present, rather than the past. Are you off from work until early January? Could you take a short (day) trip nearby? How about taking a walk around town? How about pampering yourself -- a massage, a new haircut, a manicure, a facial, a relaxing bubble bath, or all of the above

 

Hang in there SG and good to see you again!

 

Take care SG and happy holidays!

[sillygurl]

Thanks, Ellie!

 

Nice to see you, I've been wondering how you've been. (well, I hope!) Those are great suggestions, thank you for them. Unfortunately my finances are pretty tight, so I can't afford any indulgences right now, maybe I'll dedicate February to pampering...

 

Unfortunately, my ex did some work on my credit- it was perfect before we met. Now I can't help but dreading the future, thinking about the fact that I'll never be able to buy a house or a new car again. I'll never be able to get student loans, which means I can't get my masters at the expensive school that I worked so hard to get into. I feel so hopeless and useless. So here I am, no future, and lots of baggage now, I've aged about 10 years in the last year, my skin is terrible and I can't afford a decent haircut-- who'd want me?

 

I wish I could just snap out of it, or go somewhere and get my head clear. Road trips have always made me so happy, but my car isn't so reliable these days, and I don't quite have the money to fix it....it's terrible to feel so trapped! I wish I could get perspective, and move on, and get my ex and his lies and cruelty out of my head. I even tried telling myself it's the weather that is making me miserable, because it's been raining for days, but nothing is working to help me snap out of it.

 

I promised myself that I'd do a lot of chores I needed to catch up on today, because my place is a mess, but I don't even have the energy to make my surroundings decent. I feel like an ugly old pig wallowing in her filthy pen. Gosh, I just want to figure out how to feel better, move on and

start my life over.

 

Is there some secret to it? Some trick or technique that you can to follow to get your self back from this agonizing abyss?

[sillygurl]

Ok, I just thought about something...I think the real problem is that I can't escape my ex. I actually was doing really well, and had moved on. I hadn't looked at his myspace page, hadn't even thought about him since august. One day I just decided I'd had enough of his lies and being controlled and quit him cold turkey. I put everything that reminded me of him in the garbage or in a box out of my sight.

 

I spent two months working on myself, got a better job, started socializing and doing the things I love again. Life was looking up, I was feeling happy and good about myself, I'd actually regained the confidence that I'd let him take away from me!

 

Then two weeks ago, after finally thinking I'm healed, I've moved on, and that man is out of my life forever, life is good....he served me with papers stating that I have some of his possessions, and he is taking me to court over them. This is insane, because I didn't even get to get my own things out of the house, as he wouldn't let me! He decided what I got to keep, threw out most of my things, and humiliated me constantly the entire time. I let him keep everything that was ours, I didn't even get alimony. I have, in reality, very little of value since Hurricane Katrina came along, and can't even get to court nor afford an attny. This is such a mess, I just want him out of my life, I want to forget my horrible, loveless marriage. I want him to leave me alone, I don't even understand how or why he can't just leave me alone. I feel so helpless, and am so hurt by the injustice of this situation. I thought I was going to be doing better, but I feel like he'll just never let me, and I'll never be able to escape him.

 

 

[BeStrongBeHappy]

The trick is to recognize that you are recovering from an emotional wound, and everything seems pessimistic right now... you wouldn't expect yourself to be able to run on a broken leg, or clean the house like you should then either, so you have to put it into perspective and recognize that you are wounded and need a recovery period before you can take the whole world on, including things like looking your best and keeping your place as clean as you'd like it.

 

Regarding bad credit, you have taken the first important step, which is getting a useless financial drain out of your life! and credit problems are NEVER permanent, though you will need to take stock of your financial situation and do damage control for a while. Also, there are plenty of sources who will lend money to someone with bad credit, especially for secured purchases like a car... you will pay a higher rate than others for a few years, but if you start repairing your credit, you will be ok in the future. There are tons of super wealthy people who go bankrupt and come back several times from bankruptcy, so you have to do research and look for ways to restore your credit, and you will be fine.

 

Breakups make everyone feel hopeless and lost and angry, but hope springs eternal as they say. just give yourself some time and try to find things right now that don't cost money... you can read good books (library is free), and go to McDonald's with friends if you don't have money for a nice restaurant.. just keep yourself busy, and allow some time for the wound to not be so fresh...

 

so go get a good book and don't worry about wallowing in your pigsty for a while, just enjoy the book... one day not too far away you will sit up and say, what a mess, i'd rather clean house than do anything else, and you're on your way!

[sillygurl]

BeStrong:

 

Thank you for your great advice! Once I gave myself permission to wallow, I stopped feeling so guilty about wallowing, and doing so helped me to feel a teeny bit better. I also got out of bed and went to see "The Pursuit of Happyness." It was great! That movie has a very uplifting message of hope that was just what I needed.

 

I love to read but haven't made time in months- thanks for the reminder! I'll definitely make an effort to get to the library for some "me-time" literary treats. I need to get out of this emotional funk and find a good attny, but its hard to think logically when you feel so helpless and hopeless- so thanks for getting me started in the right direction. And thanks for caring!

 

SG

[desertnomad]

Sounds like you are doing what you need to do. Hang in there SG 8)

[sillygurl]

Thank you nomad!

 

btw, your avatar is hilarious tee hee