Will history repeat itself?

[xoxMichellexox]

I dont think abuse is in ur genes like drinking too much or doing drugs isn;t. its a sickness thats all, and seeing how you really dont want to become like him I'm sure you wont!!!

[Aurian]

Jaffa,

 

It's simply not genetic. Abuse can affect your personailty. Abuse can lead you to have lower self-esteem and feel insecure, and most abusers are not secure. Genes can make you more susceptible to addictions. But these things cannot take away your free will. It's simply not preordained. You can be whatever you want to be.

 

 

Hi Jaffa, I hope you are still listening. We do want to help reassure you. This is a great site with lots of caring people. I thought Beec's post was very good. Abuse can affect the self-esteem. Some people react by lashing out at others, wheras others withdraw. You can work to fix this one easily. I was very shy and withdrawn myself in real but I found one-on-one counseling to be so helpful. I do feel a lot better about myself and more confident these days. (I was abused by my husband)

 

Your physical makeup might mean you might be suspectible to drink like your dad, but that is easily solved too - just watch what you drink and do not let yourself drink too much!

 

If genes were everything, you'd have an impulse to eat grubs, swing on trees and club the boss on his head when he's mad at you. You don't do any of those things do you?

[denisemarie]

Some people react by lashing out at others, wheras others withdraw.

These are not your only choices. It's you who makes the choice on how you want to live your life, not your father or anyone else. I think the fact that you are aware of his abuse shows that you want better than that for your life. I grew up with a manic, alcoholic mother, who jumped in and out of abusive marriages like a new pair of shoes. I withdrew from people and it only hurt me. The more I opened up the better I began to feel. I chose better for myself because I am aware that what she was doing was wrong and I want a better life than that for my family. Genetics can only control us if we let it, and I truly think that you choose better and that's why your here opening up to us. I hope you continue to open up and reach out for the comfort you deserve.

[Aurian]

I was trying to say that she had the choice, and if she was really scared about it, a low self-esteem often leads to these and can be fixed.

[_Jaffa_]

Thanks for your replies.

Sorry, I got sort of mad and depressed last night. Mayeb it's the time of the year. Or trying to explain it....it just sounds really pathetic and dumb when you write it out. I still live with my parents and although I try and avoid my father sometimes he comes looking for it you know? He's a pretty big guy and yeah, I don't mind saying I'm scared of him, especially when he's drunk. He goes way further than usual if he's drunk. It's hard to see that I won't end up like him because I'm still here, in the situation and there doesn't seem to be a way out really. There isn't anywhere for me to go and even if there was what do I do about my mum?