Please, tell me there's nothing to worry about....

[MyDesertNinja]

My husbband and I have been married since June 7th, and everything is disgustingly perfect

However, I'll cut right to it...

He knows I know all of his passwords, he told me them himself, so when he created a new yahoo account, I signed on to his messenger to add myslef because at the time it seemd like a cute and harmless idea. However, I found that his brand new buddy list for this account already has a good deal of people on it...all female, all with those loveable suggestive screen names. I checked all of their profiles, some are local, some aren't. Some are 15 and 16 years old, some are in their 20's (we're both 20 as well). I'm easily jealous, and paranoid, so of course, I'm freaking out.

He lives on base, and doesn't get along with his roommates. Well, he got into an argument with one of them the other date infront of some other guys and his roommate got pissed off and told him to shut his mouth because he knew stuff about my husband that could "ruin him". This perked his other roommates curiosity, so this other roommate confronted the first one and asked him what he knew. the guy told him he couldn't say, but that it could "ruin their (ours, of course) marraige". My husband seems to have a good habit of telling me everything, so I asked him if there was anything that his roommate might know, or even contrue as threatening to us, that I should know as well, and he said no. I made sure and asked him if he was sure, because i have been in this exact situation before and it would be better if he just told me now than for me to find out, and he said "Babe, I tell you everything". And i left it at that.

Then I find this. And I kind of lose it. I logged on to his emode account to see if he had any saved "favorites" and there were two, niether of which were me. I checked his new email address, and though there were no new, sent, or trashed emails, there were 2 names in his address book, neither of which were mine. Why wouldn't he have his wife's address if the internet is such an important mode of communication for us during the week?

The screen names in his buddy list are whats really bothering me. Who are these girls and why hasnt he mentioned them? One or two, I can see how that may seem irrelevent enough to him not to mention, but there are 33 names in there. Now, granted, I chat online with guys he doesn't know too, but I do tell him about each and every one, so that if he were to "find out" about them, he wouldn't think I was trying to hide anything...much like I feel now.

I love my husband, and while a part of me doesn't want to believe any of this, I can't ignore it. It just doesn't make sense. What if his roommate really does know something I dont?

[Babelouee]

MydesertNinja, this seems like a very delicate situation, just thinking what I would do in this situation!

Personally I would log onto his computer and contact these people pretending you are your husband, that way you will know more, I know it may be a viscious thing to do but personally thats the only way it would put my mind at rest!

Good luck!

[Gunther]

if it is true they are female then there is reason to be supicious, but I wouldnt worry unless he starts going out unexpectedly or not coming home from work for a while. other than that dont worry, sometimes some men just need an outsider female to talk to and chew the fat. But based on what you have told me it doesnt seems to be suspicous. but if you do decide to do something just come strait out to every one of em' if there is anything wrong w\ the picture one of them is bound to crack. But don't do anything unless he gives you better reason to be suspicious.

[Aura Seeker]

I believe that if you start the insanity of checking everything he is doing, it will end in your insanity! You will only accomplish this.

 

He is your husband, and you just have to trust that he loves you. ACTIONS speak louder than anything. You will know the truth of how he really feels soon enough, it always comes to the surface.

 

Words are just words on any level. Don't worry about what he is doing for entertainment. Worry when you see the lipstick on his shirt. Until then, don't drive yourself nuts. All of that won't do you any good.

 

I made the mistake of reading my daughters diary once, and never again. She said some harsh things about me.....that I really didn't need to know. She was just venting. She loves me very much. I learned my lesson about snooping.

 

Just my opinion

 

A

[sabena]

Hello.

 

I have to agree with Aura Seeker in that I believe that for some reason you didn't fully trust your husband before all of this happened otherwise you would have no inclination to look upon his emailling list/buddy list etc...

 

You say that you are jealous and yes I agree. Having been jealous myself I see that in you and I also see that it is eating away at you unless you decide to stop it.

 

You have a base fear of losing your husband, because if you didn't you would not be jealous of these other girls. You have to learn to stop this jealousy, because your husband will pick up on it and it will ruin your relationship.

 

If you have any doubts about your husband, sit with him and talk about it to him. Look at his body language and the answers he gives you and try to be realistic about what he says. If you feel threatened by these names tell him and tell him why and give him chance to answer himself.

 

I would certainly NOT log onto the messenging system and pretend to be your husband, you are a grown woman and need to tackle this in a mature way. Speak to your husband first and find out what he has to say. Do it calmly and if you feel yourself getting angry just stand up and walk away, by becoming angry you will fuel your jealousy and he will not answer your questions properly.

 

You are jealous for a reason, fear of losing your husband, fear that he is rejecting you for others...but what real proof do you have? He is a human being and with that he had a life before you, he is a man and like any men will talk to other women (just like I will talk to other men and not tell my bf) but because he choses not to tell you does not make him a cheater...its just an independent part of his life. But you need to talk to him first.

[MyDesertNinja]

sleeping on it definetely helped alot, and i understand how without "proof", suspicions are just suspicions, and they dont hurt anyone but me. As far being able to notice a change in his behavior, that's almost impossible...he lives on base during the week, and I only see him during the weekends. so if he were doing anything, he has plenty of opportunity to do it, without even having to explain to me where he was going or anything, because really, i would never know he left. the worst i've gotten so far is that when i called the barracks a few times, after he told me he'd be there, they couldnt find him. not to mention how nervous te guy who answered the phone sounded when he came back and told me he wasnt there.

i know this sounds dumb, but i really do trust him...i think its just that after you've been through this in your life already, of course your guard is going to be up because you dont want to be hurt again. i couldnt handle being hurt like that again, especially not by him.