is it me??

[chelster127]

Ok hey umm... i've been in about 15 relationships my entire life and in evy one i've ended up "doing sumthing" with these guys. time after time theres one guy tht i tell no then he ends up say "i luv u" and i fall for it i'm not tryin to be a Sl** but i just want a guy to luv me i dnt kno wat to do or say to guy in order to make our relationship last for more than two weeks. the only thing i kno how to do is do wat he wants and wat he says. sum of these guys r abusive but hey i guess if they say they luv me its OK! i just need sum advice plz help me

[Beec]

Just because someone says they love you does not mean they actually do. People can lie. If you want some guy to stick around, than make him put some effort into the relationship before he gets any sex. If you are willing to invest in something, you are showing that it is worth it.

 

Also, just because a man asks for sex do not think giving him sex will keep you around. We do not want everything we ask for, giving a man or a woman everything he or she asks for is making yourself a welcome mat in front of his door. Don't do that. That's not showing enough respect for yourself.

 

Love is not just about how we feel, it's about what we do. If a man loved you, he would look out for you, he would care about you and not jsut care about getting in your panties, and he would show that in his actions.

 

Besides, your 14, your too young to really support and take care of a child, so you shouldn't be risking it, even wth birth control, which is never 100%.

[HellFrost666]

Stop letting them push you around. Respect yourself first.

[Considerate Empath]

Try and not fall for guys just for saying that they love you. Love shouldn't be like that.

 

Especially don't fall for guys saying that they love you if they're just saying it to get in your pants. If they do then they clearly don't love you, and is not worthy of you.

 

My advice: next time someone asks you out or whatever - decline! Whoever it is, decline! Your next move should be asking someone out yourself.

 

 

//C.E.

[sddeaston]

First things first, you must respect yourself if you expect respect in return. I think a lot of people fail to realize that they are ALLOWING people to do that...

[DN]

Moderator Note: please type out your post in full and do not use abbreviations or netspeak as that is not allowed on the forum.

[Rabican]

You are 14.. if the age on yous profile is correct.

 

1. You shouldt be dating. You are still a kid, theres plenty of time left for that. Trust me.

 

2. you definitely shouldnt be having sex

 

3. Never EVER let a guy abuse you. Actions speak louder than words. If a guy promised you that he loved you every day that would be great. But if at the same time, he was cheating on you, and telling other girls the same thing, what would you believe, his words, or his actions?

[chelster127]

i kno i'm a lil young but still.... and i am fully awhere that sum of these guys r just sayin that they luv me but i dont kno when i hear those three words i feel like.....i dont kno just extremely happy its just like i dont feel that loved from my family so when i hear them say it i get really happy and wanna do anything to keep them from sayin those other three word I HATE U!!!

[Rabican]

i kno i'm a lil young but still.... and i am fully awhere that sum of these guys r just sayin that they luv me but i dont kno when i hear those three words i feel like.....i dont kno just extremely happy its just like i dont feel that loved from my family so when i hear them say it i get really happy and wanna do anything to keep them from sayin those other three word I HATE U!!!

 

You need to focus on you, making yourself happy. Being happy with yourself... not worrying about what some guy says. If you need a man, or boy to validate your life, or to make you happy, then you have some bigger issues involved than how to deal with said guys.

[blender]

Well, it's said that we get the same lessons over and over again in life until we CHOOSE TO LEARN from them, so for today, try to remember the feelings you feel AFTERWARDS, and know that when "love" is real it takes time, getting to know someone, going to the movies together, talking about your interests, and sharing values and standards, then maybe the physical aspect of the relationship can begin, but none of this is "okay" or "emotionally healhty" at your age...

 

you for right now, can take time to start respecting yourself, cherish your own heart, and respect your own body. Do NOT give your heart and body to anyone right now, you're far too young, and you have hopefully made a choice to learn, that the way you have been making choices is NOT working for you, and it's not healthy, so forgive yourself and learn from all this..

 

Get a hobby, for god sake, there is more to life than a boy.... take an art class, volunteer at a hospital, learn a new language, make yourself more interesting for YOU.... and in time real love will be attracted into your life.. but for now that is NOT your priority.. just take care of you..

[assumeLove]

Your strategy is backwards. There's almost nothing you need to do after you meet them to keep the relationship. It's what you do before you meet them that matters.

 

No one can love you before they know you. And no one can know you in just a few days or weeks. He must learn what sort of person you are, what your goals in life are, what really matters to you, how you handle a variety of situations with family, friends, strangers, and him, what you're really good at, and what you hope to get good at. Anyone who says he loves you before is saying it for his own benefit, usually to get sex.

 

When you picture yourself with someone who really loves you, is it the sort of boy who would use those precious words to defraud you? Is it the sort of boy who'd be thrilled to learn you've been "doing sumthing" with every guy you've met? Or is it someone who would be delighted by your talents, by the good things you do for others, by your hopes and dreams, by your ability to stand up for what matters to you? It's possible to meet someone who'll truly love you for the rest of your life as early as 14 or 15, but the way to find him is to work at developing all those things he's going to love about you and being the sort of person such a fine fellow would really respect.

 

If you want to hear "I love you" from a guy for more than two weeks, go volunteer at the hospital or help get a political candidate elected or help an elderly neighbor with her chores. Practice your singing or painting or guitar playing. Work on your friendships with other girls. Treat your body with great respect -- eat well, sleep well, exercise often. If you do that and just say hello to the boys who are doing the same, you'll meet someone wonderful. Give him time, maybe three to four months, to say the words and mean them. You won't need to work at holding onto him, and you won't need to "do sumthing" before you're certain he's the sort of guy you'd want your children to have for a father.