advice needed asap please

[zach]

some of you would have read my previous post,broken up my fiance after she did a lot of hurtfull things to me,as well as being violent towards me i really miss her but after being told that she dident love me and she wanted me to get on with my life i have left her to it and started NC at weekend i love her very much but i carnt stand her heartless behavor and the constant nastyness and how she thinks that everything must be her way and i must deal with it,i stoped contacting her ,for two reasons to aviod any more hurt and so she would relise she tried to call me and i let it ring here is what she has

sent to me in email in order i havent replyed

 

1,is my chain still under warranty, I need it fixing!!(sent yestoday about a platnum neakless i bought her)

2, WHY? (sent to me today dont know what she means)

3,MY LAST GOOD BYE i HATE YOU, ALL i DID WAS LOVE YOU AND YOU ABUSED ME AND USED ME AND ALL I DID WAS LOVE YOU NOW I HATE YOU, BUT THANKS(sent today i still havent replyed and to say i have used and abused her is crazy) now what do i do,shall i reply or is she just wanting a reactio shall i stay stong or give in HELP PLEASE

[Ellie2006]

Hey Zach,

I am sorry I am not quite familiar w/ your previous thread but based on this post alone, I do not think you should respond and stay strong w/ NC.

 

Yes, you love her and you miss her BUT you mention several times that you do NOT miss her abuse, you do NOT miss her violence, and you do NOT miss her heartless and hurtful behavior.

 

Even her emails to you are a repetition of her previous hurtful behavior, wouldn't you say?

 

Hard as it may be, I do believe staying strong w/ NC will be best.

 

Just my two cents worth.

 

Hang in there!

 

Ellie

[dnozzle]

She is just trying to bait you into contacting her. She is confused and lashing out. She doesn't hate you, but does feel confused and hurt right now. Give her time to heal and think things through.

 

The hate you part is probably just her looking for you to say something nasty back so she can get some closure. I went through that phase too. Just don't respond. Let it go. Let her go.

[zach]

thanks i mean i really want her but i want what she was with me ,some mates of mine say i can never get back what i had and shes done to much to me ,i just dont want the heartless nastyness ,i just wish she was missing me and she opened her eyes to how she has being, carnt beleve she would say she hated me ,what does she hate me for becuse i am doing what she wanted me to do and getting on with my life.?i mean i am 23 and shes 29 shes being like a child all of this started going wrong when i started modling and got a well paid job she a control freak ,but i miss all of the happy good things that we did together wish she could see

[dnozzle]

she does not hate you. She is saying that to provoke a reaction, any reaction out of you. Don't fall for it. Keep NC.

[zach]

yes i will just stay strong, i hope she misses me and sees sense.

[elithepi]

I would stay NC.

I had a girl give me blackeyes before...I stayed and I eventually began to hurt myself. She twisted my mind and I stayed.

It was one of the most hardest things to get back up and rediscover myself afterwards.

Dude, you are 23 she is 29, she should know better.

Use this time to build self confidence and be more mature than she.

She doesn't hate you, she wants a reaction...school yard antics.

Don't play it, go to the teachers lounge and find a real woman.

[zach]

mate its a horible feeling and theres not much you can do when they hit you i am a boxer and even i was scared of her becuse i couldent hit back protect myself she played on that used the fact i was desent enough to walk away when she went for me it hurts to see someone you love hurt you over and over gutted

[Ellie2006]

she does not hate you. She is saying that to provoke a reaction, any reaction out of you. Don't fall for it. Keep NC.

 

Zach, I agree with what dnozzle says above.

 

Also, it does not sound like she's in an emotionally stable place right now; so what would breaking NC get you? NOT peace of mind, that's for sure.

 

Do NOT let her lead you into more emotional turmoil; stay strong w/ NC!

 

Good luck.

[zach]

thanks everyone your great,i do miss her alot but i have to make a stand and show her she cart hurt me anymore ,i wont let her she needs to relise what shes done her self

[zach]

i seen her as i was coming out of gym last nite and she said i hate you i said hate me all you want i dont hate you and we walked our seprate ways does this mean NC is broken and i have to start again

[whenamansloveisreal]

this is actually a great test for you. if this stuff just bounces off u then u have done good work.

 

this instilled no negative reaction in me other than observe the behaviour

[zach]

i seen her as i was coming out of gym last night,we had to walk past each other she told me she hated me i said i dont hate her,and we kept walking does this mean NC is broken i feel sad today ?

[zach]

i feel sad and i miss her

[Ellie2006]

Zach, to be honest, your ex sounds a bit too emotional (Sorry I do not mean to diss your ex).

 

So what do you miss about her?

[zach]

i miss taking care of her mainly,

[Ellie2006]

If that's the case, do you think you might be missing the *feelings* evoked by your ex, rather than your *ex*?

[whenamansloveisreal]

omg. come on...lets not get to carried a way here

 

feeling about an ex are part of the ex

 

u don't disconnect them

 

when i had to separate hurt from addiction i didn't remove where the feelings came from only the association that was falsely attached to it

 

see, i would feel hurt and use...i believe to solve this i needed her forgiveness

 

when the substance abuse had nothing to do with her or the hurt - it was connected to me and the drug

 

and if anyone ever tells something that implies that your feeling are unjustified - tell them to piss off

 

its like me staying up all night and thinking when i get home my effort should be rewarded by finding her in my bed....when u think like that u disappoint yerself because of doing something with wrong intent

 

so, i go home in 15 minutes and will be greeted by the same house that i left

i do this not for something in return - but for myself

[Ellie2006]

omg. come on...lets not get to carried a way here

 

feeling about an ex are part of the ex

 

u don't disconnect them

 

I do agree with you to a certain extent.

 

What I was trying to say (perhaps not very clearly ) is that the feeling you get from "taking care of someone" is one that you can share with a different someone.

 

There is a difference, wouldn't you say, between missing "taking care of the ex" and missing her crooked pinky finger?

 

Zach, it is natural that you miss certain things about your ex and certain emotions that she evoked within you. Still, she's made it clear that she is somewhat too emotional to be a beneficial presense in your life at the moment. Stick to NC if you can.

 

Good luck!

[Ellie2006]

Zach,

Listen, I am truly sorry that you're hurting right now.

BUT you've got to admit that her shouting out at you like that yesterday was totally uncalled for.

 

Breaking up sucks BIG TIME. Still how people act post break-up discloses a lot about a person, IMO.

 

Yes, she is hurt and she is expressing her hurt. Nonetheless, just because she is hurting, this does not necessarily justify her hurtful actions towards you.

 

Hang in there, Zach.

[zach]

Going to stick to this NC now ie staying away etc i have told her how i feel ,i really hope she happy you know its strange how i am feeling i am glad to get away from the hurt ,but i also hope that shes happy i am going to keep going forward

[zach]

just had this email off her ............

 

I miss making love to you, I miss kissing you!! I miss cuddling you, I miss loving you, I miss how you think you are always right, I miss your smile and your laugh, I miss you chacing me with the camera!! I miss the dinners and how my cooking aint as good as yours I miss working on ya car and doing things together and having a laugh, listerning to old tunes!! I miss the totsy rub and the rubbs, us cuddling in bed and waking up and giving you a kiss good bye knowing I will be seeing you in a bit...

[Trab]

wow brother! NC paid off!!!! What you going to do? I suggest you wait for some reactions before you reply!

[zach]

i dont know ,i miss all the things she is saying to but i dont know if i want the hurt again i feel lost with out her thou really want her i think we are so alike,and stubbon

[zach]

i replyed couldent help myself ,mabey i have fuked it now