dilemma regarding children

[larrya5440]

Hello

 

I'm a single male, never married, 39 years old. I just recently (about 2 weeks ago) met a fantastic women who is 40, and has 2 children. We seem to be hitting it off real nicely. I haven't felt this way about someone in a long time. And I know she feels the same way too. And I know it's early, but it does seem like we share a lot in common.

 

My dilemma is this, in that I would eventually like to have children of my own someday soon, and I'm not sure yet what her desires are. Being that she's a single mom, at 40, it would be hard for me to imagine that she would want to do it again. I know theoretically, it's probably still possible for her to have children, but I'm not sure how great the odds are.

 

I have a lot of conflicting emotions right now...my heart says to go for it, but my mind says it probably is not in my best long-term interests. Am I worrying too much? Does anyone have any similar experiences to share?

 

Would love to hear it...

 

Thanks

Larry

[annie24]

I think it may be a bit too early to have these concerns. and the fact is that her feelings about more children can change too. maybe she doesn't want more, but after being with you for 6 months, she sees that you would make a great dad.

 

Or, you could go out for another 2 months and it could be a trainwreck, at which point, you wouldn't want to be with her anyways.

 

I don't know - I would keep dating her for another few months and then bring it up, and see what her feelings are and if you still like her.

 

good luck

[Cindersam]

Hi,

 

You are right to think about all of these things. Yes it is possible for her to have more children but the older she gets the odds are against it and the risks increase. I think the main question here is does she want to have more children? How old are the ones she has? If they are still young she may be willing to have more but the older they get she may be less likely to want to. I can only assume. You really need to ask her what she is thinkiing. If having children of your own is very important to you then you should find out before you get in too deep. You should also be fair to her and let her know that what you are thinking before she gets in too deep. Good luck!

[shikashika]

Hmnnn..

 

If you are having doubts this early on... why push further if you know its something you want...and are unlikely to have?

 

If you really do like her, you may fall in love with her, and then it will be too hard to breakup and you will start compromising your wishes because of her.

 

Its not neccesarily a bad thing to forego or give up something for someone... but its definitely something I could not do. I don't think I could date a guy who I knew I could never have children with.

 

If you decide to wait it out... you may have more turmoil and heartache to deal with later.

[annie24]

Being that she's a single mom, at 40, it would be hard for me to imagine that she would want to do it again.

 

remember, this is just YOUR perception. you don't know what she is thinking because you haven't asked her. I know some women who wish they could have more, even if they were older. She may be thinking since you are 39 and never had children, that you never wanted any!

[shikashika]

remember, this is just YOUR perception. you don't know what she is thinking because you haven't asked her. I know some women who wish they could have more, even if they were older. She may be thinking since you are 39 and never had children, that you never wanted any!

 

I had 3 aunts who had children over 40... my cousins are all normal!!

 

Its hard, because if you have only been together a little while, then it may be a bit awkward to bring up the 'Do you want to have more kids with me talk'

 

but then.. I'm not one for asking questions about the relationships I'm in.. ha!

 

Good luck!

[Mun]

Hello there,

I suggest you talk to her about this. Knowing that you don't have kids she may be wondering if you want some. Without being weird ( because it's too soon to be talking "future") you could casually mention that you would like to have kids one day. She will probably react to that and you will get your answer.

 

I'll tell ya, I have a friend whom has children and whose bf has none. He would love to have one at least and she has already talked to her doctor about the risks. She is 39, he is 41.

 

Best wishes

[Dako]

How old are her kids?

It's not beyond question that you can bond with them in ways you've never known.

[larrya5440]

Hi

 

Thanks for the responses.. a couple of you have asked, her kids are 9 and 10.

 

Well, I guess I should try to find out what her thoughts are w/o being to blunt I guess. Any good way to do that?