Trying to Move on....

[rsxguy520]

Hey everyone! well its been 3 months, 2 months NC, now since the ex and i split. its been one hell of an emotional rollercoaster.

 

just a summary of what happened, she broke up with me towards the end of september of 06 after 3.5 years (she's 18 and im 20) not knowing what she wanted, but i figured it was a bluff to cover up for her falling for this new guy she meet during the summer (he's 24). i confronted her about it, and i knew she lied. Turns out i was right, during the summer this new guy she meet through her "bestfriend", who later was trying to profess his b.s. love to her knowing we were together for a long time, but still didn't give a sh*t about it. info on the guy he was with his ex, actually just using her for finanical help, but at the same time trying to get with mine. i guess the way they got close to each other was talking about their problems about our relationship and his with each other, which i was pretty upset because she told this guy she barely knows about us which he has no right to know. like how in the hell are going to ask someone for some advise who is leading on his ex? she kept telling me that it wasn't like how it used to be and things just got different between us. things went pretty rough during the summer, her finally making that transition to college from high school. me continuing school and getting a job.ok. then she just left me off with let's just put things on hold for now.

 

during the immediate time of the break up, i had a pretty close contact with her sisters who we're trying and still are trying to help us with this. they we're telling me that she just needed time and to realize things. exact same thing what my friends and family we're telling me. for the most part my mom was telling me how she is going to regret it later. and karma..

 

well for about a month we went LC then straight to NC after she stood me up to meet for some coffee. well from there one my friends told me they got together. so yeah she did cheat on me. i was pretty hurt, but what can i do? well within the last two months, i've been trying to heal. meeting new people, going to the gym a lot, hanging out with old friends, reuniting with family, partying, getting my weight back, etc. i mean i feel good about myself again. i pretty much grew out of the relationship, and accepted it already as we we're no longer together reguardless of having no closer.

 

here's the thing though...i know im not completely over it. i know accepted it as what it is now. the thing i got more of a clear persepective on how my relationship turn completely stale. i realize too much after we broke up, and how i could have and in the future will change. basically i used to hold on to this hope we would reconcile and try to give it another chance, but..as for me knowing she lied to me just like that. i don't see it happening anymore for me. my question is why do i still get these thoughts in my mind?? it not i miss her or anything, maybe the company, but just the thoughts of her and how she lied to me like that and how she took us for granted. All i get are these thoughts of how it ended. all the good stuff i would use to thing about are totally crushed by that lie she did to me. its like the way i see it is a long term relationship ended in a lie.

 

all my friends and family told me, don't be surprise if she ends up coming back to you. i used to thing that was a good thing, but of course it's not a good thing! after doing lots of reading on eNotalone, if it comes down to that, it basically shows im not loving myself, and i haven't grown out of the relationship..and i know i don't want that.

 

I'm trying to completely move on now, and i know for the best i need to be in single mode for awhile. but why is it i still get these negative and angry thoughts about her? i'll go for a couple of days not thinking about it, then there will be days we're i'll be thinking about it again. advise and recommendation is heavily welcome! Thanks!!!

[maladjusted]

rsx i think you are doing the right thing by moving on. i think the reasons you are getting different feelings is because of the way things ended. she lied to you so now i am sure you are probably thinking what else did she lie about or was our relationship basically a lie. keep doing what you are doing and you will be fine and like all the posts on here tell you it takes time. you still care for her but realize the relationship is over and still hurt from her dishonesty.

 

as for her coming back, she might. you never know but you can't live with that on your mind. you are moving forward and i suggest you do that plus you said it probably wouldn't be a good thing if she did. stay in the single mode and take care of yourself so that you will be ready when the right girl does come along and shows you the appreciation and love you deserve. she will come but in the meantime keep focusing on you. stay strong and take care!

[rsxguy520]

Thanks so much maladjusted. definitely words of wisdom. all i know now is i just got let time do its thing. i know moving is the best thing for me. i can't wait around, or "chill out" like what everyone (friends & family) else is suggesting me to do. i can't wait for her to realize things, and how she say's she wants to find her way back to me??? ok..i don't need to hear that crap. everyone is telling me 3 months is still fresh and to give it time. its like people 100% back me up, but they want to see her realize it and hopefully its not to late..but the only time i can give is for myself now. hopefully when im ready everything is completely out and i can offer myself 100% to that right person when she comes.

 

Its weird how some people on here after 8-10+ weeks of good solid NC, they some how think about breaking it. for me, i have never once considered breaking NC. Because its really not going to do anything for me, other than put crap into my head again. its just thinking about it time to time that makes it hard. i guess this is what healing does.