Help

[bechtel]

Hey guys,

I feel foolish but I'm having some problems.

My girlfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago over the phone quite out of the blue. We've been having a long distance relationship. I have been very unhappy with my employment and the weekends to visit her were me great escape from this lnoely new town.

Well yesterday I started feeling trapped in. I tried to go for a walk and clear my head. But I could not stop thinking about the Holidays and how she was not going to be part of my life.

A panic attack ensued. I did not realize it but I started hyperventilating. It was so bad that my carbon dioxide level dropped and caused hypocapnia, (this is what the dr. later informed me.) My hands began to go numb and paralized as well as my mouth and I could not speak without slurring.

I had someone rush me to the emergency room cause I thought I was having a heart attack.

I never expected to react this way, it's been 2 weeks.

She broke up with me over the phone which was suprising.

I'm just having problems with loosing her as my best friend.

The panic attack was severe and has really bothered me, I've never had it happen before.

I felt foolish afterwards for going to the hospital but I really thought I was dying.

I'm a mess and beginning to wonder if I can get throught this.

[Ellie2006]

Hey Bechtel,

Welcome to Enotalone!

I am very sorry to hear of your recent hospitalization

 

Please let us know how we can help; we're here to help any way we can.

 

Hang in there, B!

[dnozzle]

That is a very normal reaction to have. It will probably happen again. You should probably consider some type of treatment for your panic attacks, either therapy, medication, or both, because it could be a very dangerous thing if it happened while driving.

 

The feelings of lonliness and panic will pass with time. Really. The best thing you can do is try to pick up with your life and move on. Get out and meet people and find friends in your new town. Find something you enjoy doing and spend your time focused on that. Get her off your mind and don't worry about the holidays. If you have family somewhere, go visit them and be around the people who truly love you for who you are.

 

My long distance girlfriend broke up with my on an email a month ago, so I know what you are going through. I have had all the same feelings and fears you are dealing with. It does get better though. There are other women out there. You will find one someday when you are ready. Take the time to pull yourself back together first though. You have to get back to loving yourself before you can ever really love anyone else.

 

And whatever you do, DO NOT CONTACT YOU EX FOR ANY REASON WHATSOEVER. Cut her off completely. Erase her from your life, mind, and heart. That is the only way to move past this and heal.

 

My heart goes out to you. If you need someone to talk to, you can contact me privately.

[bechtel]

I can't help but want to speak with her about what happened so I can work out the issues. I'm not wanting to make her feel guilty or anything of the sort.

But I do feel the need to speak with her about it.

Hell, she's my friend.....

[Biffy]

Bad idea.

 

You're clearly not ready to be her friend and I think you're kidding yourself if you think you want to be JUST her friend.

 

Don't contact her, there's nothing she can say that's going to make this any easier for you short of "I want you back" and if she did want to say that, she's got your number.

[bechtel]

Well, I did call her and she said that I was making her feel bad. I was not attempting to be malicious and I wasn't. I probably sounded down and she felt I was blaming her for the panic attack. I said no....it's me, my problem.

I've got to start accepting this.

I'm very confused about everything.

I want to make a career change and move closer to my family and that would also put me closer to her.

I'm having a problem obsessing right now. It's very hard to handle this by myself at this point.

After I hung up with her, after "making her feel bad" I feel that it's REALLY over now.

Acceptance mixed with denial.

You were right Zombiain, there was nothing she said to make me feel better.

I'm at a loss of what to do. I'm quite fearful of any decision I make for my future. The career change is what I want to do. But I'm nervous about putting myself closer to her but at the same time I'll be closer to family.

I'm pining and torturing myself now. Confusion is making my head hurt and that damn panicky feeling lingers.

[Biffy]

Realise these feelings are normal.

 

You're going to feel like this for a while I'm afraid, on one big emotional rollercoaster one minute you'll be fine, the next angry, then in denial, then you'll be scheming on how to win her back. It's all part of a grieving process that's very natural. Know this, you will come out of this the other side a much better person.

 

Do not contact her again, all it will serve to do is to make you feel even worse.

[bechtel]

One thing that was said on the phone when I was making her "feel bad", I said I was sorry if I was I was just getting some things off my chest and making her feel bad was not my intent. She says, " Well you are, and when you do call, I feel bad a of couple of hours or all day when I get off the phone."

Hell of a note....I know I can't call her and say this, so I'll say it here.

"Oh, I'm sorry but I've been utterly miserable for 2 weeks solid."

There.

[bechtel]

My mind has suddenly started thinking of her being with someone else.

Like I was traded in. Someone else may be getting to enjoy her company.

I know that is a fact I must accept. I'm getting really anxious.

I do want to call again and pick her mind.

No I will not...I'm not a friggin pariah....not today.

She broke it off saying she didn't want to be in a relationship now.

That means she wants to date around....be free and hang out late with whom ever she wants, but not me, anymore.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

[Trab]

God Bechtel, that's terrible for you. I truly feel very bad for your pain. I was in a similiar situation 2 years ago, and I picked up self help to get my life going. I really suggest the materials of David Deangelo, it's about dating and controlloing your life.

 

I think it would be terrific if you moved out of athat small town and to where you can pick up and start a new life!

[bechtel]

I feel like a shmuck.

The day she broke it off I could tell she was confused.

But I had to go and call her everyday to say "hey" then the occasional breakdown I would have with her on the phone.

I should have just waited for her to call me after the breakup.

We may have spent the holidays together if I would have backed completely off. DAMN!

I'm a weak SOB right now and have abandoment issues with this I do believe.

I've spiraled out of control on this.

I hate the waves of dispare and grief....

[bechtel]

I really feel like I've damaged opportunity of getting back.

So this NC stuff begins, I can only further do damage.

I have yet to let it out, the crying.

 

Damn this is so weird. I feel emotionally numb at the moment.

Other times I'm fighting back tears.

The worst is the isolation.

 

I can't concentrate at my job. I want to sleep. Make plans to get out of this place. Figure out what I'm going to do.

Even when I start to think about that, it's very hard to think about plans without her involved. Then the spiral effect happens.."what do I do?! what do I do?!"

I know, move on...I've been moving on all my life. I want to settle down.

It's getting very tiresome.

The hope of finding your mate. I thought I did find my mate but "the timing is off" she said.

Then I act very uncool and immature by calling and bringing her down.

Now I'm mad at myself.

[bechtel]

I'm doing that 20/20 hindsight thing...................

Getting to me.