37 Days of NC and I get an email

[bigthings46]

So It has been 37 days of NC, feels like forever since I have spoke to this girl. I went online last night and had an email from my ex. Here is what is said " wow so you really are never going to talk to me again. thats ###### up. i wouldnt have done that to you. ok" . This is the 3rd time in the 37 days she has tried to make contact and I haven't given her a response. I also never told her about initiating NC. I almost broke down and called her last night but thought I would look desperate if jumped and tried to call immediately after reading the email. I plan to respond to this email because something needs to be said to this girl. I really want her back and feel a need to respond before she is really pushed away. Please let me know what you guys think.

[ZoeMatthews]

I really want her back and feel a need to respond before she is really pushed away. Please let me know what you guys think.

 

Okay, is your head clear? Since you want her back, make sure that your first conversation is not about the relationship...Keep it light...its going to be difficult, but you can do this.

 

You have to make it seem like you don't need her...I know its going to be hard.

 

Good luck!!

 

Zoe

[suram]

ok buddy....

she is def provoking you to talk to her ... her attempt to to pursue giult on you is an act of defense against rejection... she feels pressure because you are not there .... give it more time and eventually breAk it to her with a breeze that you cannot be played with..

explain to her that you cannot be friends and if she wants you to respect her decision of being apart then she has to respect yours ...

 

the good thing here is that she thinks you don care she is starting to believe that you really wont talk to her ... at first she thought she had you and you could not possibly... dont let the guilt do that to you if anything sh should feel guilty... let her know how serious you are about nc... BUT NOT JUST YET... BE PATIENT WAIT MORE ....

[papalazarou]

ok buddy....

she is def provoking you to talk to her ... her attempt to to pursue giult on you is an act of defense against rejection... she feels pressure because you are not there .... give it more time and eventually breAk it to her with a breeze that you cannot be played with..

explain to her that you cannot be friends and if she wants you to respect her decision of being apart then she has to respect yours ...

 

the good thing here is that she thinks you don care she is starting to believe that you really wont talk to her ... at first she thought she had you and you could not possibly... dont let the guilt do that to you if anything sh should feel guilty... let her know how serious you are about nc... BUT NOT JUST YET... BE PATIENT WAIT MORE ....

 

 

Very good advice mate!

[bigthings46]

what do I need to wait for???????? Also what is it that I should say to her gimme examples please so I don't take it to far and blow it.

[Mavis VDSande]

Hey you know what I would do?

 

I would just send her a light email saying that you were sorry you didn't get back to her. You weren't ignoring her at all! You were just so busy with new changes and work and cranking up your social life.

 

THEN if you like, suggest having a drink over the xmas holidays and catching up. Be casual. Don't be immature because she has been. I mean, you've obviously got better things to do than "hold a grudge against her" right?

 

She needs to realise that she's not the centre of your world anymore.

[Mavis VDSande]

If you talk about your rels or even sniff a mention she will KNOW that all this time you really were trying to IGNORE her.

 

By sending a casual and friendly email she'll be surprised. She'll wonder if all this time she was thinking about you too much, she'll be curious about you, she'll want to know more.

 

I know it sounds pretty hardcore but you need to wear the boots here.

 

Xmas boots that is!

[bigthings46]

Alright well here is what I just sent.....

 

"hey miss xxxxxx...... whats up? long time no talk, sorry I havent gotten back to you lately but I have been busy with work and * * * *. These 60hr weeks are for the birds, don't know how you did the 2 job thing. How have you been? Doing anything fun for xmas or new years?

 

matty"

 

very dry right??? guess we will see what happens.......

[Openheart1]

Mavis,

 

I have to totally disagree with your suggestion to portray himself as "busy." I think that is a form of playing games, especially in light of the fact that bigthings has intentionally ignored her emails. Whether she knows it or not does not excuse his blatant game playing. My former girlfriend and I attempted to be friends. Overtime, it felt as if her being "busy" was just an excuse not to talk or initiate contact, thus I ended up calling off the friendship. Part of the reason, I think, is that she broke up with me and it just got too much to be friends, so she ended it. While that is her right, it is vindictive to give someone an impression you are interested in remaining friends, then one day stop talking to them out of nowhere without any explanation. If you have intentions to want to be more than friends, tell her that. If not, leave it be. If you want to be friends, why game playing? I think it is a waste of time and certainly does not help anyone, as it only creates manipulation, secrecy and half-truths. Love is not any of those things. Just tell her that you are not interested in playing games and would like to have a normal conversation, excluding the relationship and making excuses is just avoidance. Of course, if you are merely just "friends," it's ok to take a day or two until you call her back. But if you want more, well then it is just mean. Take care.

[whenamansloveisreal]

anyone know my ex and will send her this fine words of wisdom?

[Mavis VDSande]

Hi Openheart,

 

I totally understand where you're coming from and I myself don't like the idea of game playing.

 

However I gave this advice because I felt that if his ex wanted to seek reconciliation or friendship she would not have sent such a message that would spark a "reaction". Instead she would have sent a letter or tried to call him to reason with him if those were her doubts, or find out what happened to him.

 

I also feel that if he came back with honest truths about how he felt at this stage, she would back away and perhaps feel satisfied that he had not gotten her out of his system. Because going back to what I mentioned earlier, if she really in her heart of hearts was worried that he was never going to speak to him again, she would have sent more than that knee-jerking one-liner.

 

This is not to say that she's a manipulating person. It's just her way of reacting to the break-up. However, when you approach something lightly and casually, you can sometimes break the cycle of expected reactions, giving you a chance to re-form the rels whether as a friend, or more.

 

Also remember they haven't spoken for a while. When you don't speak to someone for a while, especially someone who broke up with you, the last thing they want is for you to drone on and on about your rels or talk about what you want etc.

 

So in this case and what I would do (personally) is to start light, enjoying and appreciating the quality of your time spent together and then when you both trust each other again, maybe approach the subject of whether you want to try again or not.

 

I understand if this sounds harsh - but I agree with an earlier post on here about "hooking the bait". It's just done like that.

 

But good luck and hugs!

 

 

[Mavis VDSande]

I hope I haven't offended anyone, these are just my thoughts!