Questions for Dumpers

[Lava Rocks]

Okay, so I want to know how many people have truthfully just walked out of a relationship of any duration and felt completely fine? And if so, was it because you had someone else waiting in the wings? Did you prepare yourself before the relationship was over? Can you honestly say you didn't think of the person again after the relationship ended? If you weren’t over the person, did you try to “reach out” to them again?

 

There seems to be the assumption that all dumpers do their emotional separation before the relationship is over, and thereforeeee, can just walk away from the relationship easy peasy leaving the dumpees devastated in their wake. Is this true? (Am I just weird because I don’t do this?) I see so many posts from the dumped wondering if their exes have just completely moved on as if they never existed. Granted, breakups aren’t all black or white. I’ve also seen situations where one person falls out of love with another almost overnight.

 

At least in my case, I've been both the dumper and the dumped in several relationships in my life and either way, if there was an emotional bond; it took its toll on me. I can't say that I've ever just walked out of a situation feeling completely fine and ready to move on with my life right away.

 

I mean, if something feels bad or wrong, I leave. It might take me a few tries, but I do leave and I can’t say that I’ve ever stuck around long enough to leave without any emotional consequence. Even now, I’ve just been the one to end a relationship, and I'm convinced my ex is out there partying it up with a different female every night and has completely forgotten me.

[Layword]

It's harder for men, because women have it easy. Any women that tells you she's unattractive is only kidding, because no women is ugly. Men on the other hand, well, men have it alot harder. The women expect us to do EVERYTHING.

[Survictor]

It's harder for men, because women have it easy. Any women that tells you she's unattractive is only kidding, because no women is ugly. Men on the other hand, well, men have it alot harder. The women expect us to do EVERYTHING

 

This is simply untrue!!! There are ugly women, just as there are ugly men. And

The women expect us to do EVERYTHING

many women would say the same about men too.

 

I have left relationships in the past and I would say that on the whole, I have indeed separated myself from the relationship, or I have felt they have separated from it before I actually left it and moved on.

 

I don't find it easy if I know that the other person will have a hard time dealing with my decision to go or leave, but no person is going to stay with someone if they feel it is wrong for them. I am not going to stick with someone who I feel is not compatible with me, who I am no longer attracted to, who treats me badly etc even if that person tells me that will kill themselves.

 

I don't do emotional blackmail and find this an even bigger reason to leave them behind.

 

Truthfully, there are so many reasons why someone would leave someone else and I have left people in the past because:

 

1. He was seeing someone behind my back

2. He was seeing someone behind my back, he was controlling and abusive

3. He was seeing someone behind my back, he was controlling and abusive

4. He wanted committment, I didn't and I thought it best to end the relationship sooner rather than later when we would perhaps not be able to part as friends.

5. I wasn't attracted to him other than physically.

6. It was a friendship with benefits and we mutually left one another behind and moved on.

 

See what I mean?

 

Does this answer your question?

[cc2006]

I have a list in my head (most of us do) of things that if my partner does them I'm done with the relationship. If any of those things trigger then it is over.

 

I had one of those moments once. I was sitting on my sofa looking at my girlfriend at the time. I had found out from a couple people she had "messed around" with one of my then friends the night we got together. I had questioned her about it and she had lied to me from the start. So ... because she had lied and covered it up and denied it SO many times I was done.

 

I simply told her that there were plastic supermarket bags in the cabinet in the bathroom .. she should pack her things (mostly had bathroom stuff and some clothes here, we weren't living together) .. and leave. She cried, but did so.

 

She called me over a year later and asked if she could come over to "make up" .. I told her she could come over, but there wouldn't be any making up. She never showed.

 

 

 

 

As for Layword said ... well ... I firmly believe that women can walk into any bar and leave with someone. They have it easier in the whole "finding someone" thing. Finding a GOOD someone? .. nah ... but just a warm body to take your mind off things? Yeah ... thats a pretty simple thing to do for them.

[Survictor]

As for Layword said ... well ... I firmly believe that women can walk into any bar and leave with someone. They have it easier in the whole "finding someone" thing. Finding a GOOD someone? .. nah ... but just a warm body to take your mind off things? Yeah ... thats a pretty simple thing to do for them.

 

Most self respecting woman would not do that! To find someone and leave with them pretty much ensures a one night stand and many women and men find that a very shallow experience.

 

If that is all someone wants, a shag for the night then truthfully, it is harder for people because there are lots of men who would go for that and few women. IMO of course.

[Lava Rocks]

I also want to say that I didn't mean this to come out sounding like I was rooting for the dumpers here. Nor was I trying to implant seeds of false hope for those who want their exes to return... Just trying to get some honest answers from people on why they did and how they felt after they did the dumping.

 

I'm sure almost any woman can walk into any ol' bar and would pretty much be able to find someone to share a bed with for the night. I agree with Survictor, though, I don't think too many women would actually walk out of the bar with toothless Joe and feel good about herself in the morning (unless he's your type.) I'd also be willing to bet there aren't a ton of women who can say they walked into a bar, got really drunk, and wound up waking up next to Mr. Right either... And hey, even if you can land yourself a one nighter with Mr. Hot stuff, the quick ego boost isn't always worth the quick drop (like coming down off a sugar high) once the effect wears off and reality sets in. Some women have no problem with this, some do.

[Scotcha]

I want to know how many people have truthfully just walked out of a relationship of any duration and felt completely fine?

 

I've done this. A few time actually. Some long term relationships, some short term relationships. I've never dumped anyone and not been fine afterwords.

 

I guess that isn't entirely true. I am the one that filed for my divorce so I guess that technically makes me the "dumper" but the truth is he had an affair. I wasn't going to fight for him so I left and salvaged my pride. I wasn't fine for a while after that even though I ended it.

 

And if so, was it because you had someone else waiting in the wings?

 

One time, yes. But other times, no. It's like a little epiphany that I have, that the relationship is pointless or just not right for me, and after that little light bulb goes off the relationship is over right then and there.

 

Did you prepare yourself before the relationship was over?

 

No. If a relationship is over I don't drag it out. I hate wasting time, mine or someone else's.

 

Can you honestly say you didn't think of the person again after the relationship ended?

 

No and I've never said that either. But just because I think of someone doesn't mean that I have any desire to be with them. I've never second-guessed myself, at least not where a break-up has been concerned.

 

If you weren’t over the person, did you try to “reach out” to them again?

 

I'll admit it. When I was a teenager I broke up with someone.. He didn't give me the usual response of begging.. And so I came back to him, just to see if he would still have me, and then I broke up with him again shortly after. I know, that's terrible and I feel bad that I did it. I can only say that at the time I wasn't fully aware of what I was doing and that I was immature.

 

There seems to be the assumption that all dumpers do their emotional separation before the relationship is over, and thereforeeee, can just walk away from the relationship easy peasy leaving the dumpees devastated in their wake. Is this true?

 

I don't break up with someone that I want to be with so in a way I guess this is true for me.. But it's not like I realize I want the relationship to end and stay with them until I feel strong enough to walk away.. I just end it and I'm happier for it as a result.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I've left feeling fine many times, and yes always with someone else waiting for me.

 

If my ex was really lucky (sarcasm) they'd already have been cheated on. You really DO get human scum walking around. But we can try and reform.

[Aschleigh]

Yeah the whole walking into a bar and picking up a guy is ridiculous for most women. We have our safety to worry about. Our physical safety, most men can overpower most women, especially with alcohol in the mix.

And then our safety with std's and whatnot. A guy that we can take home from a bar probably has been taken home by many other women too.

Promiscuity isn't attractive to many women. Not over a certain age at least.

I'm 30 .

[Kiara16]

Okay, so I want to know how many people have truthfully just walked out of a relationship of any duration and felt completely fine?

I was the dumper in my first and only relationship that lasted five years. I am now 24 years old. In answer to your question, I was not totally fine about it and 7 months later I am still not fine. But if you ask him, he'll say that I was cool as a cucumber and totally uncaring.

 

And if so, was it because you had someone else waiting in the wings?

No. I haven't seen a single guy since then.

 

Did you prepare yourself before the relationship was over?

In a sense yes, because I didn't just break-up with him out of the blue. I had to "make a case" for myself with solid reasons for why I was breaking up with him. It took three tries before I stopped running back to him.

 

Can you honestly say you didn't think of the person again after the relationship ended?

6 months later and I still think of him constantly. He haunts my thoughts and I find myself worrying about him. We've been complete NC for 6 months. At this point I should be saying he's out of my life. And yet my eyes are brimming with tears right now.

 

If you weren’t over the person, did you try to “reach out” to them again?

I wanted to. But I resisted. We tried in the first month to keep only talk once a week. But he was hurting too much. I felt I was the cause of it and to keep from hurting him anymore, we went total NC. It was toughest in the first 2 months but even now I still want to reach out to him. I was my best friend and it's hard to lose your love and your bf at the same time.

 

 

There seems to be the assumption that all dumpers do their emotional separation before the relationship is over, and thereforeeee, can just walk away from the relationship easy peasy leaving the dumpees devastated in their wake. Is this true?

Ha. As the dumper, I may have hardened myself enough to do the final good-bye but there was no easy-peasy-ness about it. Sometimes I think I had it harder because at least he could use righteous anger and hurt to ease the healing process. All I have is the guilt and "personal convinction" that what I did was for "my own good".

 

Maybe my emotional bond to him was strong enough to make this harder than it could or should have been, but at least for me, being the dumper is no walk in the park.

[SpeedingCars]

Okay, so I want to know how many people have truthfully just walked out of a relationship of any duration and felt completely fine?

Yes... I guess I never really liked him, even though I was with him for around 3 months.

 

And if so, was it because you had someone else waiting in the wings?

Nope.

 

Did you prepare yourself before the relationship was over?

Yes... I kept thinking of ways to break it off, but in the meantime, I kinda avoided him. If he called, I'd say I was busy or if we saw each other, I wouldn't hug him or kiss him. Also... the more I saw him, the more annoyed I was of his presense.

 

Can you honestly say you didn't think of the person again after the relationship ended?

I thought about him and the pain I made him go through... it was mostly guilt, not a "I wonder what he's doing"... more of a "I wonder how he's coping."

 

If you weren’t over the person, did you try to “reach out” to them again?

Haha, I was over him by the first month we went out... I feel guilty now.

[Budman]

Okay, so I want to know how many people have truthfully just walked out of a relationship of any duration and felt completely fine?

Yes a 1-2 monther? I suppose. After the way she acted that one night, I dumped her and felt fine right after she left (I was worried about my house/mom though because of what I witnessed the night before).

 

 

 

And if so, was it because you had someone else waiting in the wings?

I tried that once, but I learned (via an ex) its best to leave someone because of that someone, not because of someone else. (It ended up not working and just causing a whole bunch of hurt fun yay!)

 

Did you prepare yourself before the relationship was over?

Yes because I try to stay a bit logical, so I check with some trusted friends to make sure I'm not being irrational on a few things.

 

Can you honestly say you didn't think of the person again after the relationship ended?

Aye

 

If you weren’t over the person, did you try to “reach out” to them again?

Nope.