Gosh this hurts so bad....

[stormie1]

I left this off. I think the main reason he called was to cover his tracks with Kelly and the hotel thing. He still says I am making it up. They are both sales reps and just so happen to be staying in the same hotel. (Yea, right). She planned the happy hour but, when I showed up she started texting she said her partner. She was really texting larry to tell him not to come that I was there. She made an excuse about having to drive back to Dallas to cook dinner for her husband. Larry text me and said he had to meet his boss in Dallas. Hmmmmmmm I left the happy hour a couple of hours later (no, not drunk, I was drinking lemon water and had one Corona Light) Just visiting with my friends. So, I drove to the hotel and her car and his truck was there. He swears he was not with her! Of course, from earlier post I stated that I called his room and he answered and was mad. He said she was not there and I asked to come up to talk. He said no way. Didn't want the drama. She was there and I know it.

Also, during our call yesterday while he was trying to cover this up. He stated that he could never "get" a beautiful girl like Kelly. What a slap in the face. I'm not by any means ugly. I'm just a little bit older. I hate this. Gosh. Maybe he is going through middle age crisis. He is 42 years old.

[Hope75]

I know I can never compete with Kelly. She is very young and pretty. But, I can take care of myself for the time I know I will run into him. Maybe new clothes and hair idk. I hate that it is the Christmas season. Always feel guilty spending money on myself.

 

Hi There,

 

Something in your words struck me, and I thought it important to tell you this: a man who loves and respects you would never make you feel like you had to compete with another woman. With that man, you would feel like the only woman in the world, so special, and so important. So try to keep that in mind while you are doing your makeover....it's great to want to get your hair done and lose a few pounds to improve your self esteem- but remember that it's for YOU, not for some cheating jerk.

 

A woman who cheats on her husband is not beautiful. A woman who preserves her integrity and who treats herself and others with respect and kindness is.

[stormie1]

Well, I just got some bad news and I don't know how to handle it. One of my good friends who didnt know about Larry told me he spoke to Larry yesterday about the job that I am interviewing for. He told me that Larry was really pushing for me and that he had called one of the regional managers to check on the status and offer his support of me. Here's the kicker.....I think he really trashed me instead but, doesn't want my friend mad at him! I have not been able to get a hold of any of the people that I did cases with on Monday. (Trying out the position). Which went great! I'm worried that he trashed me and told them not to tell my friend or me that he didn't support me anymore! It could just be my imagination...but, with the way my luck is running, who knows. I hate the job I'm with right now. I have an offer to go back to the nursing job I had before but, at a lower level. How do I find out if I was trashed? I don't want to break my no call rules and he would just lie about it anyway? Like I said before, he is very successful in this business and has ties everywhere! I need to let my old manager know if I want the lessor position soon....Gosh HOW DID THINGS GET SO SCREWED UP SO FAST?

[stormie1]

I love him. Plain and simple. Gosh, this is so hard...I will be strong and not call but, gosh, I do miss him and now it's going to be the weekend...Friends are all busy....it's going to be rough. Since we were secret, no one to confide in. It would really hurt my career if this got out. It is so hard. I'll keep posting and silently hoping he comes to his senses. I know it's stupid and pathetic but I don't want to go through this weekend......Wondering if he is with her...

[Jacl]

keep posting here. This site has helped me so much see reality and take the rose colored glasses off. We are all here for you.

[Hope75]

Jacl is right- you can keep a journal right here and get out your feelings, it helps just to be heard sometimes.

 

Hang in there, I know it is hard now, but it will get easier, I promise.

[stormie1]

Well it is Saturday morning. Normally, I would sleep in but, of course who sleeps during this phase. I want to get to the angry stage but, of course, since I answered the phone Thursday, I'm right back at the beginning. I don't know why I can't just let go. I know I don't want him with her. She feels like she is better than me because she has him. I want him to feel some pain. I think he blew my new job opportunity because he doesn't want me at his other accounts. I think he thinks I would rat him out about doing the young vascular closure rep! They actually work in the same areas and departments. They are actually competitors! He isn't vascular closure but, they sell some of the same stuff. In fact, I guesss you could call it sleeping with the enemy. His job would be in jeapardy if it go out. Part of me wants to rat him out but, no I'm trying to be the bigger person and I don't want any bad karma on me. I just want to know that I meant something to him.

[stormie1]

Tried to do some Christmas shopping. It was horrible. I miss him. I will not call, I will not call, I will not call. It will get better and I will get over him but, I know it is going to be a long time. I hate it that I am missing our Christmas party but, I know I can't be there with them. They would be all huggy and even if I ignore them (which of course I couldn't) People are going to wonder whats up with us? I just don't think I can say anything.......

[Hope75]

I would agree that if seeing him at the party would make you an emotional mess, it's best to stay away, especially since it was inter- office dating and would be unproffesional to bring it out there.

 

Keep posting here- make this a sort of online blog about your progress and feelings. Sometimes it helps to write a letter to him stating all your feelings and then burn it or rip it up- don't send it.

 

You will get through this.

[Juliana]

Continue to keep your emotional life separate from your business life; it'll pay off huge for you down the road. Just treat this like any other breakup with the unfortunate twist that he will pop up in your work environment.

 

If I were you, I would stop thinking about her altogether, but I understand that might not be possible in this early stage. I think that you are doing everything right so far; keep expressing your feelings, and try to think about your relationship with him, not her. The jealousy is just your denial talking; the reality is, he made the decision based on his relationship with you, not because of her. There was already something lacking in him where his feelings for you were concerned, and that's probably where you need to focus.

 

What a terrible situation for you.

[stormie1]

Weekends are horrible...I'm going to throughly clean my house and hopefully my head. I don't want her to have him. period. I know its not her fault and I shouldn't have hard feelings for her. If it wasn't her, it probably would have been someone else. I negelected him and now I have to pay. It just hurts so darn bad to know that he is happy and sharing everything new with her. The beginnings of a relationship are wonderful in everyway. I hate that I am hurting, crying, and suffering and he is in his happy discovery phase with her married or not. I will get over this. I know but, gosh I want him back. I miss him terribly. Horrible point in my life. I was going through some bad stuff with my job. Maybe he just got tired of listening to me complain about my job. This is so my fault. I wish I could turn back the clock. He was my best friend and confident. I guess I just confided too much. We got along great and laughed a lot. I miss that. I miss him. I hate this.

[meantime]

I can understand the pain you are in and it is hell when you lose someone you loved. Regarding the girl, she is having an affair, if she is doing it with him she will do it to him. If he was willing to sleep with another man's wife what would have kept him from cheating on you if you became his wife? He does not respect marital boundries. Neither of them feel that marriage is anything sacred. So, try not to mourn what might have been with this guy...he is showing you who he is. I know this does not help the pain, only time will help the pain. And don't be so hard on yourself we are all stupid when our emotions are running wild. You are not stupid, you are a woman in love.

[stormie1]

Well, it's Monday and what a bummer! Lost is the only way I can describe how I feel. I wonder where he is at and what did he do this weekend. I made it through without texting him or calling. It was hard just tried to stay busy! Life sucks right now. Just found out someone has been in my bank account out of the country. When it rains, it pours. So, its down to the bank to change all my accounts. I always wondered how much I could take. Never really wanted to find out. I miss him terribly. I wanted to talk to him and tell him I'm sorry for everything. I know he is a horrible person for turning to her. He should have talked with me and told me what he was going through. She is very pretty and flirty. I just think they got drunk at one of the shows or happy hours with clients and she was easy, not complicated with work issues, and available. So now, he can "do the pretty girl" and not worry about the issues of a relationship. I wish I could turn back the clock. I would never have complained about all the crap I had going on with my job. I would have made more time for him and I would still have him.... Still not going to the party this Friday. It would just be too hard. He is denying that they are together but, I'm not that stupid. They might not be together officially but, they are definitely together in the hotel! I'm angry that he betrayed me and our relationship. But, I love him with my whole soul. Gosh, this hurts so bad........

[stormie1]

It's only after disaster that we can be resurrected, it's only after you've lost everything that you're free to do anything. I found this quote on this website. I think I'm almost there!

[stormie1]

You know what? I feel better. I'm still not going to the party. I just found out my old boss (who is wonderful and I haven't seen in a long time) is going so, that is a bummer. I would really like to see her. But, I know if I see him it will start all over with the hurting and crying. It's not a good idea. I do feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It's over for sure. I do miss him and wish it was different but, no point in crying over spilled milk. I hope I get this new job and will be able to have a fresh start next year. I have high hopes for 2007. I love this website. By typing out all my feelings, I think it has helped me heal. It prevented me from doing something really stupid that would only hurt me in the long run. Thanks everyone for your support and well wishes. It still hurts but, I do think I will be a better person because of it. I will be more in tuned to other peoples feelings. I will be brave and not let anyone ever poo all over me again. I'm going to be myself. God bless everyone for your help! Trust me, I will continue to post myself through the remainder of this sad heartache.

[stormie1]

Okay, maybe I spoke (typed) too soon. It's about 5:30 and the pain is back. I want to talk to him bad. Its been since Thursday (he was ugly to me then, break up call). I want to text him, talk to him, touch him. I know pathetic. I was fine just a little bit ago. Even a little bit angry. Now, I just absolutely miss his presense. I don't know why or how I am here. Not really, I do know kinda what happened. I quit being fun. I had real life problems, he got tired of my excuses for not seeing him and my complaining about my job. He turned to another woman. I wish I could turn back the clock. Im not usually a weak person. But, gosh, this hurts and I do miss him. I know he is not going to call or text. He thinks I'm still going to the party. He will wait until after that to realize I'm not begging him to come back. I found out today, Kelly is not going to be at the party. I guess she doesn't want to see me either. I would not cause a scene ( I swear) but, I still will not go. I can't see him and be strong. I would probably break down right there (that would be a scene) and make a total fool of myself. I'm staying home....It's for the best. I will not call, I will not call, I will not text, I will not text.....I promise myself!

[afonselaca]

Even if he did get tired of your complaining like you say, perhaps he should have made better choices in how he dealt with it?

 

I really want to point out that he chose to be with a married woman. You didn't make him do it and you shouldn't blame yourself for his actions.

 

Talking to him is pointless because he tried to convince you into believing his lies. If you were to reconcile with him then you would always remember that he lied to you.

 

Sorry you are hurting. It is hard to not have definitive answers but that is the way he rolls and now you know, unfortunately.

[stormie1]

Well, it's been 5 days now since I spoke with him last. What a poo of a day. I miss him terribly. It's raining outside. A perfect day to stay in bed and play. I miss our time together. I know he is a poop and he pooped all over me but, it is the holidays and days like this are my favorite memories. I want him back. I want him back....I miss his touch and lips and smell. Really really bad day. Life sucks. I want him back....

[stormie1]

I want to crawl under a rock and stay there for 20 years! I hurt again so bad. Still NC 5 days......Gosh

[stormie1]

Letting go is so hard. I have to keep in mind that he is with a married woman chosen over me. I know most of this is my fault. I wish I could turn back the clock. I would have been there more for him and complained less about my horrible job. I love him dearly. He has hurt me and I will recover. I don't know how I am supposed to act around him when that time comes. If I dress too nice then, I am trying to win him back...Pathetic. If I dress to casual then, I'm still in my funk and wow I'm glad I got away from her. I know to dress normal. But, how do I act? If I act too casual, wow, she never cared about us either. If I act sad, again..pathetic, glad I got away from her. If I act flirty...again, she is trying to win me back from my prize married girl. Please help! I know I will run into him again. I really want to go to the party but, I don't know what to do. It is probably too soon to see him (and her) I don't want to appear desperate or pathetic. HELP! Day 6 and counting on the NC...it is necessary but very hard..I miss him!

[Hope75]

Hi Stormie,

 

Try to hang in there girl. If you do see him, just ignore him or keep conversation to a minimum and about work only- remember that your job is on the line here and you don't want to risk that over some guy who broke your heart.

 

I wouldn't obsess over how to act when you see him- he clearly didn't care enough about your feelings to control his own behaviour.

 

You will get through this- keep posting, keep getting it out. It takes time.

[stormie1]

Hey1 I love him. He is so predicatable. I confided in a worker at the lab and she suggested that I contact him and ask him if i could come to the party. It was great. I called him (after practicing what I was going to say) He was totally shocked . 1st. That I called him. It was total professsional. NOt or pityful. I just said that I had a bunch of people asking if i was going to the party. I asked if we could be professional and even though I knew what happened betweeen us was over, we needed to be professional and get through this. He was in total shock. No whinning or beggings. Just asked if we could make it through this party professionally. He, of course, said yes. It was kinda a shock to him. I did not sound pathetic or whimmpy. I just asked plain and simple. My friend, to whom, I have spilled the beans to, will come an pick me up. That way, I will not fall prey to his evil ways. I feel better. I will have a way there and back. He doesn't have the upper hand on my anymore. Kelly will not be there. SHe has to go to her mother's ranch with husband to the ranch. I will not talk to him except for business issues. Cindy will be with me to make sure and she is my ride home. I love her, I wish I would have trusted her more soooner. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. He will miss me.......I will not give in....I remember the hurt he gave me for his young mistress..........he will pay.....

[Hope75]

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. He will miss me.......I will not give in....I remember the hurt he gave me for his young mistress..........he will pay.....

 

Hi Stormie,

 

Just try to remember that your best revenge is living well without him. "Making him pay" is just going to drag this out worse for you and prolong the pain- and it could get you into trouble. I don't know if you meant anything by this but just wanted to caution you against it if you did.

[sillygurl]

I negelected him and now I have to pay. It just hurts so darn bad to know that he is happy and sharing everything new with her.

 

Ok, you know what, I couldn't even read the rest of the posts after this one- I can't even read this anymore I am getting so angry at him. I haven't posted here on months, I've been feeling too beaten and exhausted, but I can't stand anyone going through this-- per your quote, you did nothing of the sort! you did NOT neglect him, he soooo obviously cheated, lied and treated you without the respect you deserve. This is his doing, not yours!

 

I went through the same thing, I was told and thought I was a "bad wife" when I found the lacy panties next to my bed.... so think about what I just said. Am I a "bad wife" because my husband lied and cheated? NO!

So, in the same vein of thinking, did your supposed neglect cause Larry to stray?????

No, honey.

 

He took advantage of your trust.

This is not your fault.

Please, please, PLEASE believe me. You DO NOT DESERVE THIS PAIN.

 

You are a good person in a Sh---y situation, you do not deserve this, there is nothing you could have done to prepare for this utterly horrible betrayal.

 

And you know what? He may be happy with her now, but he is sharing NOTHING with her except lies and deceit. The difference is that she knows about it, whereas you did not in the end. I doubt you were the first, and I doubt she is the last. Keep it up, don't bring bad kharma upon yourself, keep venting here.

 

hugs to you sister, hang in there....we are ALL rooting for you!!!!!

[stormie1]

Don't worry. I don't mean revenge "pay". I mean he is going to realize what he lost with me and he will "pay" or hurt. I'm totally going to act professional. I will not be cold or distant but, at the same time. No touching, secrets, or any other unacceptable acts. I will speak but, not the flirty cutesy (sorry bad spelling) stuff. I will look nice but, not overly dressed. I don't want him to get the feeling I am trying to win him back. I will let everyone know how it goes! Well, back to work. I feel good today.