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Jacl

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About Jacl

  • Birthday 01/01/1971

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  1. Thank you . For the first time in a decade I am proud of myself for something I have done for me. I have lost myself in these years. I can honestly say for those out there who feel lost and empty, NC has helped me soo much, I have done LC for a while now, but strict NC for over a week. I am starting to feel an excitement of life for ME now, not US. Its a very good feeling. I would have felt bad about myself if i did "Breech" NC.
  2. keep posting here. This site has helped me so much see reality and take the rose colored glasses off. We are all here for you.
  3. Ok, so I have been doing NC, and its been a little over a week. Yesterday, I got a call from the school because I am the "emergency contact" list for her kids. I was bugged because I have been doing well, NC at all. So, I decided instead of calling her, I emailed her and just kept it just to "The school called and needs you to pick up your daugher". I did get a Thanks email back, but I dont want it to look like I wanted to email, or anything like that. I mean its obvious it wasnt an excuse, because Im assuming she went to go pick up her daughter, but I guess I hope I handled it the right way. I am feeling like I finally have a hold on this a bit, and dont want it to go away.
  4. can anyone tell me sure signs of actually moving on. I think I am moving on, I feel better, eating better, getting angry, and feel excited now of the prospect of being loved, rather than put up with. I feel hope for my future. Am I just lying to myself.. Does anyone know signs that are sure signs that you are indeed healing? Thanks in advance.
  5. Exactly. NC clears the air for the true picture. Its like stepping back so you can see reality.
  6. Im doing no contact to find out the truth... Even if it hurts.
  7. Scsavino, Im sorry to hear about the things that you have had to endure the last little bit, something I dont think any human should ever have to go through, but I can tell you something. Something I read here, but didnt realize how it can restore your self worth back a bit, and feel like you are living for you, and not someone who doesnt have your best interest at heart for now. It is NC. The thought of being friends? It is admirable that you love him, but really, That focus needs to be last, the first one is you. You will find if you stay clear of him, then things will eventually start feeling better. maybe you can set some sort of schedule out with your son, so you dont have to have contact too much. My heart goes out to you, and soon you will be out of this before you know it.. Just hang in there, and do whatever it takes to ride it out.. Just going through it will help you. There are no shortcuts. You have to feel it all, go through it all, and then one day, you will feel like you have a foothold.. Finally a foothold. You can do it.. I believe in you.. I really do
  8. Jacl

    Im new

    Well, I dont know If I did the right thing or not. I know that I love her unconditionally, but I really want me back too. I am miserable without her, yet I really was lonely when I was with her. There wasnt much physical contact, and I did most other things for her, but it felt like she forgot about me. Anyway, I have been trying to do NC Since Monday night. Last night when I was about ready to leave work, she sends me a message asking if I forgot about her, am I trying to not talk to her. I just said I had things I have to deal with right now and I dont really know what else to say. She said "Oh, Ok.. Let me know if you need anything". I havent heard from her since. I want to be OK even if she is not around. I want now if we ever do get back together that it wasnt me this time. I need to know for myself if she really loves me, and this is very hard for me because I feel like I am abandoning her, yet I also feel like I am risking losing my best friend forever, but if I really went in to detail how much she neglected me, and I did feel used in a lot of areas, the cheating.. so on.. But I did feel love from her. I know that I did the best I could. I would rub her back every night, plan dates, buy her special presents (she loves presents).. But I just always felt like I was missing the mark. I just need to know once and for all, if she loves me enough to fight for us, I know it must sound bad, but I cant be the one this time. I need to have self worth back, even if it means that I lose my best friend in the process...
  9. Jacl

    Im new

    Layword, have you had contact with her? The reason I ask is because I am fighting this battle in my mind. She wants to stay friends and says that we will always be different, that we will always hold something special. I dont know if I can just be friends, and contact is making it very hard. I dont know why I am feeling worried about breaking all contact. I can tell you that she has made it clear, she has said that she doesnt know what the future will bring, but she isnt going to tell me to wait either.
  10. Jacl

    Im new

    That is very nice of you cowgirl. What happened to you? Im not familiar with your situation.
  11. Jacl

    Im new

    Layword, how long has your break up been?
  12. Jacl

    Im new

    Im so sorry that you are going through a similar situation cowgirl. You sound like you are honest and true as well with a broken heart. Those tears you are crying are like pieces of your heart. I know that when the storm passes for you then you will see the sun again.
  13. Jacl

    Im new

    Thanks Layword, That definetly brightened my night. It just feels so dreadful, quiet, and painfully still. She is gone. I have accepted it, and do want it as well. I just miss her so much. When I am around her, I feel the commitment that I had made to her, and she says things that make it harder for me. Yet, when I start NC, then she just goes right along for the ride, making me think that she is fine. I am doing the NC for me, believe me, I was the pathetic begging fool last time we broke up and would have done anything to get her back. This time, I realize that she isnt happy because she keeps cheating on me. I have only been with her, for the last 8 years, its just been her. but she cant say the same about me. I just keep telling myself that everything really will be OK one day.
  14. Jacl

    Im new

    Thanks. Yes, she is being treated by a physician, but she doesnt take her medicine all of the time. she goes off of it because she is afraid it will make her gain weight, in turn she has been a bit emotionally abusive as well. We did have a lot of fun together too. We had a lot of memories. In the beginning it was great, we were awesome. Over the years, I have to admit I have been unhappy, so why now am I so sad? Our house sold not long ago, so there isnt any ties left anymore. I worry about her. She has other medical conditions, but I just feel like I am treated kind of bad, I want a chance to have a relationship with someone who would show me that they love me. I feel like I have done all of it. The cooking, cleaning.. bills, and then I get nagged at. I dont know what to think. My friends all tell me that she is toxic, and that I put way more in to it than she does, but I really love her a lot. Thanks for listening.
  15. Jacl

    Im new

    I have been looking at this site for quite some time now, and decided I would finally register and post. I am going through a break up. My woman had bipolar disorder, and cheated on me quite a few times. I really fell in love with her, and concreted in cement my loyalty to her, and decided that I was always going to be there to stay. She just recently cheated on me again, and then broke up with me. I was devistated. I am trying so hard this time to move on. I feel like I am losing my best friend, and wonder why this is so easy for her to move on. We have had limited contact since the breakup. She has told me that she is still attracted to me, and its hard not to get physical with me, but then she disapears. She is not seeing anyone. (The cheating thing was a one night stand), we have lived together for 7 years. Any advice how I am supposed to do this right and move on?
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