How do I deal with this

[ThisSucks]

So far its only been a few days since my gf broke up with me. We have dated for about 6 months and the relationship seemed great. She broke up with me because she said she feels like over the past 2 or 3 weeks she has grown further and further apart. She feels like we havent been spending enough time as just the two of us and she has lost the feeling she once had for me I want more than anything to get back with her and make her feel like she did just a month ago when she said everything was perfect. I just dont know where to start.

[confused25]

Well how often did you guys see each other? I'd talk with her first and see if she's willing to work things out with you and give the relationship another shot. Let her know that you're willing to change and let things start fresh and see what she says.

[m_darko]

Simple, you don't start. You go about your life and do what you must to ease the pain. As for her...let her be for awhile, respect her decision ( * * * *ty, I know)

and carry on.

She didn't mention anything about her feelings before she broke up with you?

If that’s the case, get rid of her. If not and you merely ignored her...well, that’s another story.

My advice to you, which DOES NOT have to considered, is to give the two of you space. Avoid begging, pleading, crying, letters, texts, flowers or any other inane ideas you will conceive. If you read the threads here, you'll see the majority of the saps on here all have done this.

Time, as I have found, is the wisest counselor and your only true friend.

[ThisSucks]

Yeah, we have talked a few times since the break-up and the conversation seems to just be going around and around and we are just talking in circles. It just seems to me like she is trying so hard to convince herself that she is making the right choice.

[Mavis VDSande]

Yeah, we have talked a few times since the break-up and the conversation seems to just be going around and around and we are just talking in circles. It just seems to me like she is trying so hard to convince herself that she is making the right choice.

 

In that case I would DROP the subject and just "agree" with her anyways. As soon as she feels she's not fighting against you, give yourselves both space. If she's only really trying to convince herself of these things she'll miss you if you step back and do your own thing.

[ThisSucks]

I plan on starting NC today. She emailed me saying she cares so much about me but feels like this is the right thing to do right now. Im still struggling with the fact that it was so good 2 weeks ago, even for her (so she says), and now its over. I'm going to see a good friend of hers this weekend, how should I approach that as far as NC goes.

[coooolsome]

Hey, if she is trying to convince herself this is the right decision, then you need to be very careful. I would suggest not contacting her, but if she contacts you, answer but keep the conversations short. Go out, have fun. Don't let her see that you are hurting. The more that you look like a little crying baby, immature loser, the easier its going to be for her to justify her decision.

 

I made it really easy for my ex to justify breaking up with me. I was pathetic and completely destroyed any chance I had.

[drum4god]

I plan on starting NC today. She emailed me saying she cares so much about me but feels like this is the right thing to do right now. Im still struggling with the fact that it was so good 2 weeks ago, even for her (so she says), and now its over. I'm going to see a good friend of hers this weekend, how should I approach that as far as NC goes.

 

Dude,

 

Why are you hanging out with her friend? Unless you are trying to get the scoop from her, I wouldn't do it. It will backfire and set you back.

However, if you do don't talk about the relationship. DO NOT! If she asks you about, just be non-challant. Tell her it just didn't work out, but I am starting to accept it. Thats it. Nothing more. Don't talk about other girls you are interested in, because that will seem like you are using it to get her jealous. Remember less is more.

 

You have to let this chick know you are moving on. Its going to be tough, real tough, but trust me you need to do it. She flaked on you, now you have get on with your life. If she comes back fine, if not you are better off.

 

I do feel for you, I have been there and it blows. But please don't feed her ego by responding to her, or telling her friend you are still in love. She needs to feel your love is slipping away. Remember you are the prize, not her. I have to remind myself that now and then also. Its true. You don't need to chase her. You don't need to grovel for love. For whatever reason she dumped you, and its her loss. Make her feel that loss.

 

Remember NC is about you, not her. Its not about getting her back, its about you. You need to get yourself back, and then let the chips fall where they may.

[ThisSucks]

Drum

 

Thank you for the advice. I hung out with her friend a yesterday and I kept the talk of the relationship to a minimum. She didnt say too much and seemed like she wasnt too willing to give any information. I'm still so confused about the whole situation. This is my 6th day on NC and I can only hope it gets better from here. It has been so tough to keep myself from texting or emailing her but I have stayed strong.

[ThisSucks]

so far today is my 7th day of NC and i finally got a text from her. she didnt say much, basically just hey whats up and i have some of your things to return. should i respond or just let it go. i want her to know i still care but i dont want to blow it by responding right away. what should i do?

[drum4god]

so far today is my 7th day of NC and i finally got a text from her. she didnt say much, basically just hey whats up and i have some of your things to return. should i respond or just let it go. i want her to know i still care but i dont want to blow it by responding right away. what should i do?

 

I always struggle with this one. I am a strong component of NC, but when they contact you it could get sticky. I personally would respond, but DO NOT, DO NOT talk about your feelings. Keep its short and simple. She is probably trying to fish and see if you are crying over her. In fact I am 90 percent sure this is what she is doing. Say something I am doing good, I am doing Christmas shopping, thats it. I don't see anything wrong with that. Also end it by saying, have a Merry Christmas. Don't ask her any questions, don't text her again. This shows you are happy, and not bitter. It also shows that you are not moping over her.

[ThisSucks]

Well I didnt respond right away and she sent me two messages in a matter of 3 hours asking if I got them and then saying sorry to bother you. I swear I can't figure her out.

[drum4god]

Well I didnt respond right away and she sent me two messages in a matter of 3 hours asking if I got them and then saying sorry to bother you. I swear I can't figure her out.

 

I would respond, but again keep it light. Don't overplay your hand. Just answer and keep it light. That is all. Don't explain why you didn't respond to her text. If she asks, just tell her you were away from your phone.

[ThisSucks]

i responded and told her she could drop the stuff off to my roomate, and all I got was an "ok". I guess I was just hoping for a little more than that. I still want so bad for there to be a chance for this to work but it seems like each day the chance gets smaller and smaller.

[ThisSucks]

Well, she never dropped my stuff off to my roomate, and she sent me a message saying she didn't do so. When I asked her why she didn't, she responded by saying I guess I'm just using this as a resaon to say hi to you in person. How am I suppossed to interpret this? I think I keep trying to figure out everything that she is thinking and its driving me crazy.

[dnozzle]

You cannot make her feel anything. She is in charge of her feelings, and you are in charge of yours. You need to work on you right now and not worry so much about her and how she feels. You need to detach from the relationship for your own well-being.

[meantime]

Take care of yourself. Take some time. I once read on here that when the ones who have been left behind continually allow themselves to be available to the one who has broken up with them, it eases their (the dumper's) pain. It takes away any guilt or bad feelings they may be having about the choice that they made. Unless she is open about getting back together you would be wise to protect your own heart and let her deal with hers on her own.