Anyone ever just say, "Screw it"?

[Dako]

Universal theme, wide appeal, and common wisdom.

It has all the marks of greatness, Kev.

[Kevin T]

It has all the marks of me posting it in a bad, poor-me mood. lol

[Kevin T]

I figured it out! After months of searching, I finally figured out how to stop caring!!

 

It's simple: Become a hermit.

 

I only get perturbed about being single when I'm out in public (usually around other couples or young women my own age), but when I'm at home, I rarely think of it. It's true. So, thereforeeee, the way to stop caring and no longer let it bother you is to isolate one's self off from the outside world (at least as far as the objects of your irritation concerned). When I spent my winter break at home... rarely going out or doing anything social, I was fine. I was perfectly content (albeit a little bored) just being home day after day, not doing anything (aside from hanging out with friends... who are all guys BTW.)

 

"Out of sight, out of mind."

 

So true.

 

Now, the hard part is implimenting this. I don't have any intention of dropping out of school, so I can't do that. Damn... if only I went to an all-male school. Do they make all-male/all-female colleges? lol

[Dako]

Sounds like a discovery I made.

 

Problem:

Any attractive woman who brushes against you and says hello will become a goddess with supreme power over your life. You'll become a sitting duck for any woman who shows interest. Your pentup need for a soft hand, dulcet tones and magical scents will overwhelm your sense of reason.

 

Actually, that's probably how any guy gets smitten.

 

Sounds like a plan.

[Kevin T]

Ah, but Dako... I have already been there and done that. I'm through with that line of thinking. No woman is a goddess (save my mother, perhaps... she's a great lady), the rest are certainly no better than I. Putting a woman up on a pedestal is a surefire way to get burned emotionally.

 

Besides, if one becomes a "true" hermit, then the need to ever come into contact with women is gone. That was my whole point, in essense. If I'm still coming into contact with desirable women, then I'm still going to be reminded of my own singleness and thus, it will in turn, bother me. So that would show me I'm not hermitting enough.

[Dako]

I think you hold the key to emotional safety.

 

If it weren't for cupid's dart in my kidney, I'd join you.

[Kevin T]

Cupid seems to only be firing lead arrows into every woman I've ever liked, while I get the gold ones.

 

(Note: In Greek mythos, cupid's lead arrows repelled people, while golden arrows attracted them.)

[TheRedQueen]

Cupid seems to only be firing lead arrows into every woman I've ever liked, while I get the gold ones.

 

(Note: In Greek mythos, cupid's lead arrows repelled people, while golden arrows attracted them.)

I'm sure I'm not the only woman who finds your cynical outlook on love and life to actually be quite charming!!!

[Dako]

I agree. Kevin is a sitting duck for a rare and cynically wonderful woman.

[TheRedQueen]

I agree. Kevin is a sitting duck for a rare and cynically wonderful woman.

Yeah, if I were living in Ontario, I'd either swoop him up for myself, or have my way with him (if he'd let me )

[Kevin T]

Don't patronize me, RedQueen. You already have a boyfriend anyway.

 

Besides, I'm only like this when I get depressed... which is like every other damn day now!!! I hate it.

 

I used to be happy... long ago.

 

And, I tend to be attracted to the bubbly, upbeat, optimistic girls... who want nothing to do with me. (Cupid's arrow theory works well here.) I like optimism, despite my incessant whining about my own misery.

 

It's because I am so idealistic that I get so pissed off about my life. If I were complacent, I would not care.

[Dako]

Kevin,

 

I like you.

I'm sure I'm not alone in that.

 

Sorry you're pissed, but you're a good guy.

 

BTW, I'm depressed half the time I'm writing here.

[TheRedQueen]

Oh how right you are, evil-patronizing-philandering me.

 

My sincerest apologies.

[Kevin T]

Kevin,

 

I like you.

I'm sure I'm not alone in that.

 

Sorry you're pissed, but you're a good guy.

 

BTW, I'm depressed half the time I'm writing here.

 

Aww, thanks Dako!

 

You're the nicest guy I've never met. lol (Hey, we technically never have met before, so it's true.)

 

Anyway, keep that up and you'll make me cry. And you don't want to do that. lol

 

I've seriously considered taking meds for how I feel. But I don't believe in it, and I am 99% certain it wouldn't work and would probably only make things worse for me anyway. (I'm majoring in psychology, so I have a lot of reservations about medicine for mental illnesses, aside from maybe schizophrenia or something extreme like that.)

 

I know people who took meds and they completely changed. It's like they were no longer themselves anymore. It was sad. And they felt nothing. I'd rather be dead (or just continue to live with my pain) rather than become someone who is "me" but not me anymore, who feels nothing all day and just "exists." It's such a sad way to live. I can liken it to running away from a problem, rather than facing it head-on. And it seems like such a "quick fix" solution for the microwave generation that is us now.

 

But that's just my opinion. I think it's fine if someone else wants to do that, but I refuse. (Although for me to even consider it, you know I must be quite upset about my life.)

 

And don't take what I say personally, RedQueen. I'm harmless, you should know that. (If anything I'm TOO nice, that's one of my problems in life.)

[Dako]

Kevin, as you know I spent years on meds, got off then using self-help and pseudo-macho approaches.

I'm no fan of meds except as a resting place from the storm from which you can make plans for the next step.

 

I have my down periods where I'm a mess, but the highs are worth it.

[Kevin T]

I honestly hate feeling down, but I know why I do. I used to be such a happy person, till a certain incident, of course. I'd like to think I let it go, but it just burns me that she gets to be happy and I don't.

 

(Envy, I know... one of the seven "deadly" sins. lol)

[JulieW]

I'm kinda there now. I recently left the hubby and was burned terribly by a male friend whom I thought wanted to give things a try. Turned out he just wanted to give me a try.

 

I've come up with a motto for 2007 which is "No Touchy".

 

I'm not outlawing relationships forever but I'm absolutely not getting romantic on any level for the year. I'm going to use this time to learn more about people and how to read them. Become friends with new ones and learn how to drop some old ones.

 

But dating and the like, nope I'm over that for a while.

[lovemycoffee41]

Yeah, I just got out of another no end relationship. I got out of my last serious relationship about 1 1/2 years ago. And since then I've been in many not-so serious, this is never going to work out, relationships. I think I get into them because I don't want to be lonely, and I think I can change the person. NOPE. I just got out of another one, and though me and the guy are still friends, I realized a lot about me.

 

Unfortunately we all feel that way, and that's why we're here. But like many other posters have said, we need to focus on the other things in life that make us who we are. Me, I'm finding a gym and getting rid of these unwanted pounds and focusing on my new job. Do I constantly hope I'll meet "the one"? Bet your * * * I do. But when it's going to happen (cause I do believe it will!), I'm going to be busy focusing on me and my great life.

 

Good luck!!!

[cpc28655]

No, not that way, I mean about ever finding anyone to share their life with?

 

Ever just get to the point where you stopped trying, or even better, stopped caring?

 

If you got to the point where you no longer care, how did you do it?

 

I think not caring is a much easier alternative than being miserable 24/7, don't you think?

 

I am at that point now. If you've read my posts, then you know I am going through a divorce. If I told you what she put me through, you would run from your computer in horror, lol. I was mad at the entire estrogen pool for a very long time. Actually, I'm still mad, but only at her, and possibly anyone that looks like her.

 

The thought of dating again actually makes me want to beat my head against a wall until I bleed. Just like a kidney stone, it will pass, eventually.

[Kevin T]

I am at that point now. If you've read my posts, then you know I am going through a divorce. If I told you what she put me through, you would run from your computer in horror, lol. I was mad at the entire estrogen pool for a very long time. Actually, I'm still mad, but only at her, and possibly anyone that looks like her.

 

The thought of dating again actually makes me want to beat my head against a wall until I bleed. Just like a kidney stone, it will pass, eventually.

 

That's totally understandable.

 

I can't even imagine how horrible I'd feel if I were in your shoes, going through a divorce. I think it would destroy me, completely.

[charley]

Sure, I've given up many times. Usually for week. Sometimes a month. occasionally for a few months. Once I gave up for a few years. However, I eventually picked myself up and starting trying again.

 

I didn't just give up sometimes due to not getting a woman. Sometimes I gave up because I'd had one and she messed with my head big time, or was mean.

 

Some women suck and sometimes having a woman sucks. So don't ever assume that having a woman will make you happy. Likewise women should never assume having man will make them happy.

 

A relationship can be great, but it can also make you yearn to be single, alone, and celibate. Seriously. I have enough experience to have learned this first hand.

 

So while I do feel for single, lonely, horny, desperate people, I honestly say that there's no reason to be desperate. I'm single, lonely, and horny myself, but I'm not desperate. I won't go there. Besides, I've had a couple GFs and thereforeeee I can appreciate certain advantages of being single and alone.

 

Women can be nice, but they aren't perfect and time spent with one isn't perfect. At least not so far in my experiences. I really think some of you guys are idealizing women beyond anything reality can support. That just makes you more unhappy, and if-when you do get a woman, you'll likely be disappointed that she can't live up to your idealized ideas about women.

 

Having a woman can be great, or suck. Being single with no attachments and no responsibilities to anyone can also be great, or suck. Try to enjoy what you have while trying to get what you want. If you do get what you want, don't expect it to be perfect.

[Leon]

Ugh I kind of agree with you, I'm having the feeling that some people just don't work in relationships... I'm one of them.

[kryptik0]

Here is an important question:

 

Let's say you stopped caring and you're happy. But what about your sexual needs? Are you fulfilling them by self gratification, if so then you must be imagining something in your mind while you're doing the act. That is self deception because you aren't really not caring.

 

How is it possible to stop caring while continuing having self gratified sexual pleasure? I don't think it is.

 

Having said that, I must accept that I have kind of given up on women too, I am 32 and after numerous attempts I have failed finding a lover, but I feel like I am deceiving myself.

[Kevin T]

I don't think anyone should pursue a long-term, romantic relationship simply because they are "horny."

[charley]

I don't think anyone should pursue a long-term, romantic relationship simply because they are "horny."

 

I'd agree with that statement.

 

However, I've seen others who started with a horny based relationship that later turned into love and marriage. It happens.

 

I've also seen the reverse where a loving relationship later also includes the horny part as well.

 

There's no figuring people. Sometimes things work out despite all indications they won't. Othertimes things DON'T work out despite all indications they will.

 

Life is a gamble. If you wait for a sure thing, then life might pass you by. We have to take chances and throw the dice sometimes.