What to do

[backinthesaddle]

I have worked with this woman for a few years. We slowly became friends doing lunch, exchanging emails, etc. Since the working arrangements didn't allow dating at the time (conflict of interest), I simply enjoyed her company. After she left for a new job, we sort of lost touch.

 

A couple months back, she sent me an email saying that she would like to get to dinner next time I'm in town. Incidentally, we will work in different offices (1 hour flight away). That sounded great to have some company on the road. The dinner went great. So, I asked her out during next visit and we went out again. When we are talking, she never discusses her private life much. I tend to be more open. Well, I finally really pressed her on dating - what she was looking for, etc. Then, the live-in long-term bf came up. I was shocked. My original intention that night was to extend the date after dinner (if you know what I mean). Anyway, I left early and tried to let it go.

 

After that second date, I knew there was a strong connection there. I tried not to interfer with her relationship stituation. The next time I was town she wanted to dinner, but we settled on just a lunch. One thing led to another and we were messing around. I stopped myself from going to far, but the encounter still went too far.

 

I will be in visiting her office in the next week (no lunch this time!!!). When I sit down to talk to her, I'm not sure what to say? I do care for her...

 

Ideas?

[robowarrior]

Ask her to break it off with her bf, if she wants to continue with you. Tell her that you need to respect the feelings of her bf, and that she needs to understand that you don't want to be involved in a triangle affair, and that you would never have gone so far if you knew before hand that there was another guy.

 

So basically it comes down to this. You have to be her nr.1, she has to aknowledge that and step out of her old relationship to start anew with you.

 

She can't have two and she can't have it her way that way. Time to show some spine and don't give in, until you and her have made arrangements to be exclusive for eachother.

[Clementine orange]

Ask her if you are the "other man" - ask yourself if you want to be. Ask her if she has any intentions of breaking things off with her boyfriend. If she says not then ask yourself if you are OK with this situation. In others words, get the facts

Then follow your conscience.

[candy604]

yeah if you two get along, she has to make a choice - break it up with her bf or stay with her bf n not see you anymore.

[Rabican]

tell her that you cannot see her if she has a boyfriend... so its either him or you.

 

Or, you could be a giant jerk, and the kind of guy that causes other women to say that all men are pigs, and you could just hook up with her.

[backinthesaddle]

She is practically married. Any more intimate involvement would certainly make this a full blown affair. Being hurt by an affair, I know the damage it causes. It is impossible to hide. She needs to know that her BF will find out (not to mention possibly friends and business associates).

 

In the event she did break up with her bf, it would still be a LDR. I wouldn't give her a commitment for any long term relationship. She would need to date other people after being in such a long term relationship. Jumping from a 5+ year relationship straight into another relationship is doomed.

[lady00]

My advice is to stay away. You say yourself that she is "practically married." And you don't seem like you even want a serious relationship with her as you say that you think she should date other people first. It doesn't seem like either of you is in a position to make the relationship work between the two of you. I'd say go with your initial instinct...let her go. Date other people and just see what happens. Maybe you two will come together later on, maybe not...but right now it doesn't seem like there is much room for things to work out.