Does a true male friend exist?

[Lost in fairytales]

I've know him for over 4 years now (since senior high), although we don't see each other much, but everytime we talk, it's always really friendly and warm. Every birthday, he would give me something really sweet and thoughtful, such as a hand made birthday card, or a sepcial gift from overseas when he was travelling. Then I would always find myself liking him after my brithday, but when i tried to get him to hang out, he would always refuse. And I am terribly confused.

 

Just last week, he had a really small 21st Birthday party, and I was the only female friend he invited, (other females are his friend's girlfriends). And during the night, he looked out for me, and even noted that there was this song I used to really like. I am really touched by his thoughfulness and sensitivity.

 

However, history tends to repeat itself. I sms him a couple of days ago, asking him to hang out, but he cleverly dodged the question with a simple "good night".

 

 

I am really really confused by the male species. If he is not interested, then why does he notice so many of my details? Why does so many sweet and personal things for me? Yet, if he's interested, why is he running away? It seems the harder i push, the faster he runs.

 

Does true male friends really exist? Because if they do, he's 1 in a million, and I am very lucky to have such a good male friend.

[heartlessromantic]

So you only talk and never hang out? Or does he only hang out with you when there are people around? How is the interaction? Is it flirtatious at all?

 

It could be he cares for you as a friend but doesn't want to give you the wrong idea. Or, and I don't mean this to be offensive in any way - could he be gay?

[Lost in fairytales]

Thanks for the reply heartlessromantic.

 

We used to hang out quite a bit in the holidays after high school graduation. I heard from my best friend (who threw me became his best friend's girlfriend) that he used to like me then. At that time, I stopped to like him because I was afraid.

 

And many years later, I found myself going back to the same person time and time again it's so annoy.

 

I don't have a flirtatious gene, and he doesn't seem to have neither. I don't know what i should do. Confession may ruin our good friendship, yet if we both remain silent, sooner or later one of us will get a partner and move on. I don't really want to miss any more chances with him.

 

Please help. Every bit of thoughts/advice is much appreciated:

 

[Why is it that problems always seem easier to solve when it happens to other people. ]

[Lost in fairytales]

is this problem that complicated?? It's so much more difficult when you are in side the tinted glass looking out. So please help everyone.

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

May be you could just ask him "are you interested in dating me?"

 

The risk is losing a good friend? Nope, it is not. If you like him or feeling for him, remaining friends with him would bring you nowhere near where you wanted but a lot of frustration.

 

So just ask.

[Juliana]

Yeah, I'd just come out with it. Not in a serious, gazing-into-his-eyes way, but just kind of teasing. Just tell him, you know, I sometimes wonder if we'd have fun being a couple together. What do you think? Something like that.

 

I don't think you could lose him as a friend, if he is one; it's not exactly a slap in the face if someone is interested in you sexually.

[Lost in fairytales]

Thanks Guest12345678 and Juliana. You gave me really good advices. and it's good that you two both agree with the same thing. No dilemma makes life a lot easier for me ^_^.

 

thanks tonnes guys, i'll update with a result...next time i see him (hopefully sometime this month). Want to do things face to face =P. Hope that's a good idea.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Hey Lost -

 

Hmmm...well, to answer your question YES....a true male friend CAN exist.

 

But at the same time a huge resounding NO.

 

I'm am as perplexed as you are. His behaviour is that of one who truly likes and cares for you but his lack of intimacy is that of one who intends to not get too close.

 

Maybe he looks at you as a really close friend, one that he has had forever and holds very dear, but isn't the least bit romantically interested.

 

I guess I vote for you to just straight up ask him too.

 

Keep us posted will you? I'm curious about his response....

[freedom]

Hey..

Here is my 2 cents worth.

He isnt interested in a relationship with you. He could be afraid that if he hangs out with you you might want more. (you might have inadvertantly shown it)

He is a nice guy, he like you as a friend but he doesnt want more.

 

I maybe wrong, but that is what i see. How do you handle it?? Remember that he doesnt want more. Wait and see what happens.

[freedom]

Just for a laugh. you might want to watch.. When Harry met Sally.

[caro33]

Hey..

Here is my 2 cents worth.

He isnt interested in a relationship with you. He could be afraid that if he hangs out with you you might want more. (you might have inadvertantly shown it)

He is a nice guy, he like you as a friend but he doesnt want more.

 

I maybe wrong, but that is what i see. How do you handle it?? Remember that he doesnt want more. Wait and see what happens.

 

I tend to agree with the above.

 

I might also add that maybe he still fancies you, hence the attention, but he might also be feeling that 'I like/respect you too much to date you' thing, where he knows he doesn't want to settle down and so doesn't want to lead you on. I knew guys in my early 20s like that; I had friends who were broken up with because they were 'too good' or some similar stuff. At the time I thought it was a line or excuse, but in hindsight I think they knew what they wanted and while they liked the girls in question they also knew they couldn't commit just yet.

 

The simplest answer is to look to his behaviour, not what anyone else might have told you about his motivations. Yes, he's a nice guy, and he's attentive. No, he's not interested in pursuing a closer friendship or otherwise at this stage. Not much you can do about that.

 

Best to let things slide, see how you go, then contact down the track sometime. Maybe you have been giving off 'I want you' vibes that might die down and let you pursue that friendship.

 

BTW, there is such thing as a true male friend, but from my experience if there are no romantic intentions it's pretty clear. My closest friend other than my husband is a guy, and we've been close 12 years or so. We tease each other awfully. We may notice things about each other, but it's all wrapped up in good humoured buddy stuff. No ambiguity, no excessive sweetness. But maybe that's just us.

[Lady Luck]

Anything's possible.