cutting again but worse

[girl friend]

2 months?? Thats dam brilliant girl!!!!

 

A tactic one of my friends here uses is to ring me or another friend up, just before she does it, sometimes, by getting her to leave the room, talking , etc, she manages to not do it, for that time at least. If you've got someone suitable that close to you, maybe you could try that?

 

I suppose its also important to know exactly why you want to do it. Not just because its letting out pain, but pain from what? Try to consciously think about the past. Let me know how that goes for you k.

 

 

We'll work on it ok hun.

 

*Hugs* xxx

[lil_baby_girl]

If you've got someone suitable that close to you, maybe you could try that?

the only one that i have ever been close enought to to talk about my cutting was my uncle and my gf but right now im not able to talk to my nether one of them.

but pain from what?

i know what the pain is from i just dont know how to make the pain leave forever cutting only makes it go away for a lil while and then it comes back and thats what makes me cut again.

[girl friend]

Oh, I’m sorry about that then, what happened with you and your gf (if you don’t mind me asking.)

 

Well if you know what the pain is from, the only way to ever really be free from it, is to go back (the proper term used is regression) to what it was/is that causes the pain, and to try to deal with it, without cutting.

 

It’ll be dam difficult, and can take a long time to fully resolve, but once you think through everything, mb try to write down your feelings (or channel it though your poetry? I’ve noticed you’re rather good at that!) mb talk about it (if you’ve got no one around, we can go into it here if you want) mb cry about it, these things should let the pain out, without you having to cut, because you've dealt with those feelings, and that pain.

Let me know how that goes.

 

And we’re all here for you hun

 

*Hugs* xxx

[lil_baby_girl]

what happened with you and your gf

my parents found out and im not aloud to talk to her anymore.

mb try to write down your feelings (or channel it though your poetry?

i do try to channel them in my poem,

mb cry about it

i do cry but it dont help that much anyways.

And we’re all here for you hun

thanks

[girl friend]

You're parents found out? Are you not allowed to date? or is it because it's a girl?

 

What exactly is your relationship with your parents? Do you reckon thats maybe a factor connected with this cutting.

 

 

Hey don't worry hon, we'll get there k

 

*Hugs* xxx

[lil_baby_girl]

You're parents found out?

ya

Are you not allowed to date?

ya im allowed to date

or is it because it's a girl?

ya thats why i cant talk to my gf is because she a girl and im a girl.

What exactly is your relationship with your parents?

we dont get along were always yelling at eachother for on thing or an other.

Do you reckon thats maybe a factor connected with this cutting

im not sure what this means but i know that i feel like my parents and older brother hate me because im the way i am and i think thats part of the reason i cut,

[girl friend]

Oh right, hows that making you feel (not being allowed to talk to your gf)

It might actually be a good idea to stay single until you get out of the cutting...

 

You said you know your 'parents and older brother hate you because of the way you are', what do you mean the way you are?

 

What happens at home? Could you explain the locking you in your room and homeschooling, that you mentioned some time ago?

 

We'll get there hon

*Hugs* xxx

[lil_baby_girl]

hows that making you feel (not being allowed to talk to your gf)

it make me want to cut more it also make me want to die.

what do you mean the way you are?

because im bisexual but i like girls more them boys.

Could you explain the locking you in your room and homeschooling,

they only lock me in my room at night, ya im home schooled but i know why im home schooled is because i cant handle the real school teachers they will not work with me.

[girl friend]

Its awful that they can't accept you for being yourself darling, its not your fault, the way they are, you know that don't you?

 

Its so important that you know that, all of this stuff, its not your fault.

 

 

*Hugs* xxx

[girl friend]

What exactly did your doctor say when you went to talk to him?

 

 

How did counselors hurt you in the past?

 

 

We'll get there ok hon, *hugs* xxx

[lil_baby_girl]

you know that don't you?

ya i do know its not my fault,

did your doctor say when you went to talk to him?

i dont remember what my doctor said.

How did counselors hurt you in the past?

well they gave out my informastion wen they had not say from my parents to do so. my last counselor i had was telling everyone i was trying to get paregnt and at the time i was only 14 and all i wanted was that "my reall baby" its a doll that acts like a really babe kinda.

[girl friend]

Hey! Alright girl? don't think we've ever both been online at the same time! Dam time difference lol!

 

So, how are you doing?

 

*Hugs* xxx

[lil_baby_girl]

how are you doing?

im doing ok right now, i got to talk to my gf yesterday behid my parents back som im doing ok, i gone 1 whole day with out cutting.

we've ever both been online at the same time!

from the looks of it i think we are online at the same time! lol.

[girl friend]

Oh thats good then hon.

 

Congratulations on the one day! Its the first step you know darling.

 

Do your parents know about the cutting?

 

*Hugs* xxx

[lil_baby_girl]

Do your parents know about the cutting?

they dont have any idea i cut now.

[girl friend]

If your relations with them aren't good, its maybe best that they don't know.

 

How did they treat you in early childhood?

 

*Hugs* xxx

[lil_baby_girl]

its maybe best that they don't know

thats kinda why they dont know,

How did they treat you in early childhood?

me and my parents were best friends tell i came out with the truth that i was bisexual a year ago and then are friend ship went down hill from there.

[girl friend]

Can you tell me what happened? Describe it from there

 

*Hugs* xxx

[girl friend]

From a year ago i mean

[lil_baby_girl]

Can you tell me what happened?

well after i toled my parents that i was bi they started make more rule and i thought some of them rules were dumb so i would not follow them i just thought i was dumb and not far so i would not listen to them and my parents were us to me jumping wen they say jump because thats how i use to be i was a goody goody i did what my parents toled me to do anyways i stop wen they made the dumb rule that i could only hang out with my female friends for a hr or less and I'm not aloud to have sleep overs and i have to have a adult around at all times. they wont let me date boys and they wont let me date girls so a pretty much do want i want if my parents say no and i want to do it like for example go hang out with my friends and my parents say no then i will go anyways. all my female friends that live around me are straight anyways so i don't understand why i cant hang out with them. every scents i toled my parents i was bi i have keeping my self busy so i don't have to talk to them much and my mom wants me to talk to her she wants to get to know me but both my parents have been acting weird scents i toled them. me and my parent have gone are own ways. if this make any since,

[girl friend]

Yes those rules sound unfair sweetie, and i understand why you don't want to talk to them.

 

However, maybe it would be worth a shot at trying to talk with your mom, i mean since you said she wants to get to know you.

 

Its not right how they reacted, even if it was a shock. But do you think they still love you?

 

Maybe you could point out to them that one of these days you'll be old enough to move out, and lead your own life, and it will be entirely up to you whether or not they see you.

 

But if you at least tried, it could ease the tensions at home, which may make it easier for you to stop cutting. At least if it doesn't work, you'll know you tried.

 

Let me know how it goes, good luck hun

 

*Hugs* xxx

[lil_baby_girl]

a shot at trying to talk with your mom, i mean since you said she wants to get to know you.

ya my mom says she wants to get to know me but everytime it try to talk to she will not listen to me. and wen she dose lisen to me its only wen my dad not around and thats not that often hes gone.

But do you think they still love you?

ya i do think they still love me just not as much as they use to.

even if it was a shock

i dont think it was that big of a shock because i have talk about girls my whole life.

Maybe you could point out to them that one of these days you'll be old enough to move out

i dont think they care that i will be out of the house in a yr,

But if you at least tried, it could ease the tensions at home

i have try to get along with my family i really have but its just not working.

[girl friend]

Ok then, maybe things ll be easier between you when you no longer live together. All i can say is that its not your fault the way they reacted. No one should be made to feel like that.

 

How's your days been going?

 

*Hugs* xxx

[lil_baby_girl]

How's your days been going?

my day has been going ok, i have the house to myself most of the day today and yesterday so im kinda happy about that.

[girl friend]

Ok hon.

 

Suppose its time we looked at the difficult question, are you cutting less at all? I know you said you got through a whole day, and i'm proud of you for that girl!

 

Just be honest, if its not any better at all we'll work on it, and try to find another way to get you through.

 

Always here for you

*hugs* xxx