To those of you in succesful relashionships...

[_Tiki_]

Are they always perfect? did you ever argue with your better half? Did either of you hide emotions from each other? Did you go though a really bad patch?

 

I'm really curious about this.

 

Thanks.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Ultimately, yes. It is perfect.

 

But on the tiniest level possible, it is not 100% easy. The main requirement I have is that I feel consistantly respected, loved and a priority, despite any minor disagreements we may have (thats been a total of 2 in 14 months, and they were very minor).

 

An argument isn't necessarily the end. Even a rough patch of a couple of weeks or so isn't either. Loss of respect, intimacy and honesty - that's when it starts to fall apart.

[cc2006]

Wow ... "perfect"?

 

I was under the impression that "perfect" was impossible. That there is no "perfect".

 

AntiLove_SuperStar congrats, you are the only person I have ever met in my entire life that has a perfect relationship

 

 

Not sure if that should give me hope, or make me feel bad for telling my ex over and over again that perfect doesn't exist and she is just torturing herself thinking she'll mold our relationship into her version of perfect.

[melrich]

If you don't argue and have disagreements with your partner then your relationship is in trouble. It is likely that one or both of you are bottling up their feelings/wants/desires. How often do you hear "We never fought at all.". It is possible that they are scared of conflict.

 

Arguments and disagreements are a healthy part of any human relationship. The trick is to know how to have conflict in a healthy way and that does take some work and time. If you feel you aren't talking the same language when you are in conflict then make the time to talk to your partner about how you like to work through conflict.

[shes2smart]

Are they always perfect? did you ever argue with your better half? Did either of you hide emotions from each other? Did you go though a really bad patch?

 

I'm really curious about this.

 

Thanks.

 

Anytime you put two people together they are bound to disagree on something eventually. Sometimes the disagreements are about small, unimportant things (like the "right way to load the dishwasher") and sometimes you'll disagree about much larger and more important matters.

 

In a healthy relationship, people address those differences in way that brings about a resolution to the conflict without either party feeling disrespected. Problem arise when people start yelling, screaming, name-calling, bringing up other topics that are not related to the matter at hand and so forth. That's where most folks go wrong.

 

My husband and I don't fight. By that I mean we don't raise our voices, treat each other disrespectfully or bring up a bunch of unrelated crap that happened a year ago. If we cannot discuss the problem in a reasonably calm, rational and respectful manner, we'll tell the other one that we need some time to cool off and think and the matter is dropped until later. So, while we don't fight, we have had some very INTENSE discussions. We both came from families of origin that dealt with conflict by screaming, nasty, disrepectful fighting and/or avoidance and silent treatment. Neither of us much liked those environments and we are both determined to NOT repeat that toxic environment in our lives. That meant learning healthy, productive and constructive ways to deal with inevitable disagreements.

 

The other difference I have experienced in this relationship and others I have been in when it comes to conflict resolution is this -- compromise. True compromise mean BOTH parties give up a little of what they'd ideally want and BOTH parties get at little of what they'd ideally want. In previous relationships that give and take on BOTH sides wasn't there. One person would primarily be the "giver" and the other would primarily be the "taker."

 

All that being said, we don't disagree often. I credit that to the fact that we think very much alike to begin with. When presented with a challenge, most of the time, we will come to the same conclusion on how to handle it independently of each other before ever discussing it amongst ourselves.

 

To the extent anyone can control this, you might want to try to select a partner whose thinking patterns are as similar to yours as possible. The old adage may say "opposites attract," but opposites inheirently have a lot of conflicts. The more similar you are to a partner (the way you think, your values, your goals, your communication style, etc), the fewer conflicts you will have to deal with in the long run.

[luvursmile]

Yes, to all those questions.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Yes, perfect. I'm not saying it will be perfect eternally, but right now its balanced and human and thereforeeee perfect.