How to deal with all the mess

[bach]

Hey guys,

 

Im new to this place and any advice would be greatly appreciated. My ex and i broke up last tuesday (nearly two weeks ago). Not going into specifics but we had a big fight, she left, and the next day she came back and started packing. And shes definitely not coming back as much as i want her too. I think i would be doing ok (i only cry about her for an hour a day now) except for two big things:

 

1. We had bought a house together. Now we have to sell it. Seeing that xmas is coming up and some things still have to be done to it (painting, etc) it looks like we have to remain civil to each other for at least a couple of months before its finally sold. We are both staying at our respective parents at the moment so the house is empty (except for our stuff). I dont want to stay there because its so lonely, but all my stuff is there. She said if i wasnt going to be there then she would be because shes sleeping at the floor at her mums. Should i give in and let her stay in the house even though she left me? i Kind of feel that its going to be me doing most of the painting, etc, but im not going to want to go there if shes going to be there. I suggested one week there, one week not, but she didnt want to keep moving her stuff back and forth. HELP!

 

2. We work together. In the same department. We are understaffed so there is no sideways movement opportunities. I have started looking for a new job but due to the mortgage for the house i cant afford to just quit. It still is very tempting but even then i would have to give two weeks notice. It breaks my heart to have to see her every day. i know what i need now is no contact but i cant even get that.

 

How do you deal with having to see the person who you love, but cant have, everyday. It hurts ssooooo bad. How do you remain 'civil' and get stuff done? This is so unfair....the breakup is hard enough without all these extra problems.

[robowarrior]

Make her change her mind, only bring love and light into her life for the rest of her life. Convince her that you have improved and that its worthwhile to keep on going together.

 

You do this by realising that every argument is like poison to your relationship, even small arguments can lead to big break ups, afterwhile you often realise that it wasn't even worth fighting about, or risking your relationship over. Next to that if she starts an argument, refuse to give another spin to that wheel of hatred. Ask yourself the question, was she with you so that you could make her life miserable, did you go with her so she could make your life complete hell? OF COURSE NOT, couples are supposed to make eachother happy. So only bring love and light on a continues basis in her life. Get her a wonderfull christmas present , don't start fight yourself either, if an nasty argument follows by someone else giving an argument then that wheel of hatred will only keep on spinning forever. So stop putting darkness . Its essensial that you invest effort on a continues basis in your relationship. You shouldn't let a single fight or argument ruin an entire relationship, everyone has their indifferences, but its important to compromise and lay these differences aside.

 

Because if it doesn't go that way, you'll go into a formal style , and you two need to try to avoid lawyers and courtcases because they cost so much and can lead to financial disaster, thereforeeee be as on good terms with your gf as possible, as it can save you money.

 

Calm down, and rethink of the situation.

[silentalways]

robobobo,

 

totally wicked post - u nailed it. u know what, sometimes people just go thru a period where they all the junk out of their trunk and then actually beginning a life, a new life actually - because they are still that person but now with extra whitten power. seriously, i've done enuff * * * * * * *, fighting, negative stuff over the last while, that i truly believe my tank is empty for that stuff now. when u go thru a really wild time, where everything but the kitchen sink is thrown at u and comes out of u, and u actually are aware and tackle these things - it truly changes u.

 

contrary to popular belief and word on the street, i do not have a desire or love of the dark side of the soul. i just did my fill of a period of turbulent personal, family, and most importantly relationship crisis where i needed to actually focus on the meanings and causes of my trauma. i spent many solitrary sessions alone in my study, just me, my tiny violin and slide guitar where i painted lanscapes that detail how we respond to that good old psychic sword that hangs over everyone head at some point in their life. and i always knew that i would navigate the stormy seas of relationship and disappointments. i chose to undertake this exercise, and i am not talking about all the crap, i mean the journey that leads to the path back out thru the forest and when too sweet nostalgic music from a bird flu cd stops being achingly wounded to yer ear, and the tunes lead you back to the odyssey, and instead of wishing u could conjure up good lost times, u give yerself hyer own invention, and say 'enuff;! sometimes i feel cursed because of some lame artistic vision that desires to see into the deepest pain and despair their and do so because u recognize at the end of the rainbow there is profound value to be had and perhaps the opportunity to once again gaze upon the transcendend beauty of someone that was there with u thru all that all the time. if we all have the courage to accept such challanges, and embrance the 'workings' of them, and LOVE the fact that you are doing something that will forever reward u - that is beautiful music to my ears.

[silentalways]

dating advice?

 

well, let the expert fill u in! har dee har har

 

hmmmm...dates? dating someone? nope. been kinda busy cleaning, tidying and gettingt my house in order. i did 'try' dating a while back, and that worked out reeeeeeeeeeeeal good! NOT! i think i slept thru most of that anyways [relapse period - i does believes]

 

so, i am on a dating site but am i looking to date someone i know nothnig about right now? probably not. but hey, if some babe comes up to me and askes me out, geeee, wonder what i should do?

 

i've just kicked a bunch of people to the curb so i thought it would be nice to actually talk with people and go out every once in a while. nothing fancy, but, i had to get out of that flipping house that is by the way actually sold - i now have to find another one fairly quicky.

 

oppppppppppsy. why is it always me that gets caught with my hand in the cookie jar [btw - the facts of that ecg post are correct - until the messing in action part]

[need2bme]

WOW! I have never been where you are...well, I did work with a girlfriend who flirted with everyone and that was tough, but I digress.

 

All I can say is you might have to look for another job. I don't know how I could take it seeing someone I loved every day and could do nothing about it.

 

I like Robo's advice. Do you think if things cooled off, you might be able to talk to her? Is she really all you want? If she is, maybe you could put the past down and leave it there. I do believe the past can predict the future, but I also believe that people can change.

 

Can you give it some time?

[bach]

No ive tried to talk. Shes not interested. She has said her heart tells her to stay with me but her head says no more.... and shes going with her head. She said there is no chance.