I only like guys who don't like me!

[naranja]

Hello,

 

My boyfriend and I just recently broke up. We went out for 2.5 yrs and had a very intense relationship. Unfortunately it was never going anywhere, even from the start. I loved him but he never really loved me and the entire time always spoke about breaking up in the future. So, now that we are broken up I'm happy to be rid of that, but I'm having problems.....I'm only attracted to guys who aren't really into me. Even in the past, the only guys I've ever really "loved" are guys I who weren't into me. There are lots of nice guys who are attracted to me, but I'm just not into them. Why is this? And it's not just since my last boyfriend, ALL my relationships have been like this. If there's a guy I'm attracted to and he suddenly becomes devoted or solidly committed to me I suddenly feel unattracted to him. GAH!

 

I have to stop this. Does anyone know what could be the cause of this? Should I get therapy? If so, what kind? Are there any books I should read??

 

I really really want to love someone...someone who loves me back!!!

 

I appreciate any advice any of you have....

 

Naranja

[CynicalGuitarist]

What you're talking about is very common. It is only human nature to want what you cant have and want more of what you do have. I would say give some of these "nice guys" a chance... but every time I do, nobody ever listens.

 

Otherwise, you're just gonna havta keep fishing... I guess

 

sorry I couldn'tve been of more help.

[Survictor]

You probably don't want to get into a really serious, committed relationship just now and maybe use this as a kind of defence mechanism? Maybe you see it all as a bit of a game and thereforeeee, a challenge?

[Blue Skittles]

I am the same way, if a guy becomes too "devoted" to me I suddenly find him clingy and unattractive.

 

Dating is such a game. Its all about chasing and playing hard to get and trying to find a balance is nearly impossible.

 

When you do finally find that balance - its amazing.

 

Don't stay in relationships where the guy is just 'not into you" or where he is not going to commit to you. Even worse is if they treat you badly. Just remember that you deserve the best.

[Night Pumpkin]

WHat I say is this: Don't date !!! Never enter into a relationship with someone unless you have known them as a friend for atleast a year. When you are friends, atleast you get to know what they are really like, and if you are really right for each other. Also, you get to test your communication skills, to make sure you really can communicate with each other well. Be friends first for a year, and then turn up the heat...

[EvaGina]

You sound just like me... JUST like me...

I wish I could help, but Im just as messed up... I spose I just wanna tell you that your not the only one.

[naranja]

Well, there is a nice guy that is interested in me at the moment, but I feel automatically not interested. I hate this because I don't want to be alone, but this block is REALLY screwing me up!

 

It seems that I am cool with the attraction thing winding down slowly then settling into something calm and comfortable, but I can't just jump right in to calm and comfortable even though that is what I really want.

 

I'm glad that I'm not alone at least, but....I really wish there was something I could DO about this. Is there anyone else out there who USED to be like this, but changed? I'm 27, not getting any younger.

[silentalways]

i believe their was a post earlier about space and identity issues earlier. i can tell that every single thing that was an issue or problem in my last relationship is know longer a problem - I only have one problem - SHE DOESN'T BELIEVE IN ME and avoids me. Its really funny because I am zillion percent sure that when her and i actually met we will discover not only did we worry needlessly, that we, just like the past, usaully agree on what is needed....I do know that, I can't keep posting on places like this and 'think' I am talking with an ex that is probably not hear - that is dangerous - so i sort of am in an extremely tricky spot. does that makes sense?

[finewhine]

Hey, Naranja. I'm 27 too and have some similar issues. Anyway, consider this: it's not that you ALWAYS like guys that don't like you. That can't possibly be true.

 

I say: PAY ATTENTION.

 

As we get older, we become more selective. Maybe you're figuring out what you want in a man. If those nice guys who happen to like you right now don't have the qualities you like, then you SHOULD NOT give them chances. Why bother?

 

I think the important thing for you to do right now (something I'm practicing myself) is to determine exactly what it is you like in these men who aren't reciprocating your interest. If, in fact, it's the fact that they're not reciprocating your interest that attracts you to then, then I would worry.

 

I'm guessing, however, that isn't the case. What I think is that you're not finding anyone who has the qualities you like right about now. Figure out what it is that you like so that you can pounce the next time you meet someone with those qualities who likes you back.

 

Does this make sense?