NC doubts

[ironpumper]

I don't know about this NC..On the one hand, I understand the basic principle, it makes sense, I suppose my heart just can not understand WHY I'm doing it. I SO want to see her, just say Hi or something, ANYTHING.

 

I tell myself that it doesn't matter how she treated me, all the hurtful things she did really don't matter. I also keep thinking that it's GOING to work out...I'm confident that we can make it work...

 

I know that if I do see her, the 'effect' of NC will be broken. Part of me doesn't want to do that, but a bigger part of me is saying "WHO CARES" What have I got to lose? IF things are going to get better between us, we HAVE to communicate SOMEHOW. I basically fell off the face of the earth, so she really has no idea what happened.

 

Today will be a big test. I will be at the gym for a good while today. I have to go over to the mall to get some stuff, but I won't walk by her store. I hope...I'm SO CONFUSED!!!!!!!!!!

[TylrLvck]

Iron Pumper....can you go to a DIFFERENT mall? Something tells me this is simply a reason to justify "running into" her.

 

I agree ..you need to communicate..AT SOME POINT...but NOT NOW!!!!!

You communicate when you DON'T CARE what she thinks OR how she is going to react!!!! You communicate when you are absolutely CERTAIN your world won't fall apart if she is less than happy to see you..or does NOT give you the reaction you hope for. Till then...NO CONTACT is the way to go!!!!!

[SuperDave71]

I AM SOOOOOOO GRABBING THE DUCT TAPE!!!!

 

 

 

Your friend,

 

 

-SuperDave71

[hockeyboy]

the right thing to do is often the hardest thing to do.

[SuperDave71]

HEY HOCKEYBOY!!!!

 

 

Where have ya been man!!!

 

 

For those who didn't know, Hockeyboy stuck by my side in 2004 during my breakup!

 

 

 

Always nice to see an old friend. I hope you are doing well.

 

 

 

Your friend,

 

 

SuperDave71

[papalazarou]

I agree ..you need to communicate..AT SOME POINT...but NOT NOW!!!!!

You communicate when you DON'T CARE what she thinks OR how she is going to react!!!! You communicate when you are absolutely CERTAIN your world won't fall apart if she is less than happy to see you..or does NOT give you the reaction you hope for. Till then...NO CONTACT is the way to go!!!!!

 

 

Amen to that.

[frozenblaze]

Well I think it is really hard to keep with NC especially when you feel like there is something that was not said... I broke 4 weeks of NC by sending her a letter and I'm not sure if I regret it or not... by a letter I do not mean a pleading "come back to me, I'm dying without you" I just told her how I felt about her and why I would not want to hang out with her or her friends... but then I don't know if I have done the right thing... sure it took of a major weight off my mind for I have said what I wanted to tell her since the break-up... But then I'm starting to get a bit mad seeing her and her new "friends" just running away when I come around... And knowing the letter touched her (a friend told me she was crying the day I sent her) I'm sad to see that it changed nothing between us two... I thought it would fix up the misunderstandings... Beside a letter is an easy way to express your feelings without the anger or the sadness...

[heloladies21]

It depends at what stage you're in. If you're doing NC so that you can get back in control of yourself without getting all weak at the knees at the thought of her, then stick to it as you'll get stronger over time. Don't worry, once you get strong enough, you'll be able to talk to her again, but not until that point.

 

If you're doing NC because you've said everything you have to say, gotten a final answer from her, and it is that she doesn't want a relationship with you, then there is no point to keep in touch.

 

But some people do the NC as spychological game playing to get their exes back in the hope that they will miss you enough. This tactic never works in the long run as it only serves as a temporary patch and the old problems creep right back up and cause another break up.

 

That being said, hanging around in the background or as a "friend" giving her time and space to sort out feelings has also been proven not to work and is only filled with false hope and a worse broken heart when she drops you for good.

 

So the best thing to do is NC till you feel stronger (you will know this point when you get there), then feel free to get a final answer from her, then if she's not interested, move on! Directions are easy, putting it into action is the hard part.

[ironpumper]

Well, I went..And decided to keep up NC for now thanks to y'alls advice. TYLRLVCK, my gym's at the mall she works at..I know, kinda weird, a GYM inside a mall, but it's THE BEST gym in Atlanta, and I have lots of friends there. Besides, she knows I'm there and can get in touch with me IF she wants.

 

I did walk by the store, but didn't look in. I kept my eyes to the ground as I passed. If she saw me, she knows I wasn't interested in "staring" at her...

Y'all have REALLY helped me turn things around...

 

We have been friends for SO long, I think the time WILL come when we can be 'back to normal'-Normal usually being me walking in the store and her hollering at the top of her lungs "HEY GARY!!!!! and smiling, or hanging out with her outside the mall during one of her smoke breaks......Man, I miss that...