how long?

[crow]

I have been reading posts on here about nc and was thinking about this.

HOw long does it usually take for someone(usually the dumper) to start to miss his or her ex to actually making contact? I mean, from the time they start to miss the ex until they actually try and contact?

[Fisch]

Varies fromm an hour to the time right before they die. Or after the honeymoon period with their new lover is over. Or never. Time heals, there are lots of people you could be just as close and probably closer with, and lots of people you probably wont have the same troubles with. Try to work through the emotions and move on Good luck

[SuperDave71]

Sad to say there is NO Time limit....

 

 

When you stop thinking about them...THAT is when you know..

 

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

[CarusNFekt]

i guess the real question is how do we get rid of that flase hope sense, how do we dissilution ourselves from thinking about it and beleiving there is hope when there isnt? how do we do that before its too late so we can prevent passing up any other chance at being happy with some one else?

[heloladies21]

If you're doing NC with the hope that they will contact you, it's a bad idea to do it as psychological games have been proven not to work and act only as a temporary patch at best.

 

There are two types of NC. One where you do it to get your head straight so you can act rationally and talk to her without all of the begging and pleading helpless feelings that usually come right as you just got dumped. Then there's the next stage where you've said all that you need to say to her and gotten a final answer from her and are ready to move on. At that point, there's no reason to keep in touch as being friends or hanging around in the background have also proven not to work to bring back an ex.

 

One thing to keep in mind is that if you've been dumped, there is no reason to believe that your ex will come back to you in the future. Exactly the opposite, you should believe that they will not come back to you and start the process of moving on asap. Believing that they will come back is a lot of false hope and wasted time and a worse broken heart.

[GoingForIt_77]

Heloladies, it all depends on WHY they left you in the first place.

 

You can never force someone to come back to you, but you can try and test out the waters with them when in contact, after some time has passed of course and see if they would want to, or feel comfortable in coming back on their own, because they want to.

 

Again, it all depends on what the reasons were that they left you. If it was purely because they did NOT love you. NOTHING can possibly change that, short of a seduction, HOWEVER, if they left you because you hurt or scared them and ended up pushing them away in the process, you have to make them feel more comfortable in your presense and then make them feel good and then great..

[TWIS7ER]

I know that right now I am doing the NC thing, hoping that there is hope that she just starts talking to me in little steps, not to rush back into the relationship, but just baby steps with good conversations and overall just fun talk..just like what got us starting liking each other in the first place.

 

I know I should be looking at NC as if we will never be together again. But it is to hard to think like that right now being that only yesterday I got the closure that she didn't want a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with me.

 

I have only been 1 day without the NC.

[GoingForIt_77]

Man, my advice to you is to take it day by day. You'll get a little stronger each day that passes. You'll be able to understand yourself a little better. Grow a little more independent and when you feel that you are emotionally detached enough, you can "check in" on her and see how she is doing as a friend and nothing more, but that time is not now. You need weeks man. I'm at the end of my 4th day of NC now and yup, it's been excruciatingly hard, but knowing you're doing it, makes you look back on those tough times and you say to yourself that you are stronger than you gave yourself credit for and it's that strength and confidence that "may" eventually draw them back in, but it takes time for that to happen and for you to get to that point.

[TijuanaJones]

I agree, its better to take NC as an opportunity to clear your head, think about what happened, reach conclusions on what you did, what you can change, what you really want, etc. It took me about 3 weeks of NC to feel good enough to call my ex and talk about the good things I learned... I didnt talk to her about the past, just present and future, but not involving her in it.

 

This sunday we are supposed to start going out again... this time I wont rush things.

 

Never think you are going to get her back, just go with the flow and have confidence that whatever happens, you will get through