Was it right...

[tommyt]

I know ppl say about no contact and all and i been tryin but 2day i just decided sod it * just actually* and started to talk to her on msn. When i say i feel no animosity towards her for the breakup i mean it infact right now i feel much better havin talked to her.

 

Yeah i miss her shed loads. yeah i wish it wasnt over. Yeah i wish she would change her mind but a year ago on the 7th i met some1 very special to me that i the more i think about it if we cant be together we both want to stay friends. se what happens down the road but right now friendship is all she can offer becaues of where she is. I feel like ive accepted it and really wonna try see if we can be. I feel it maybe a little to soon but i dont want ti to be bad between us. When i think back the few bad times fail into insignificanse agianst the fact that if i dont do something i could loose a possible good friend rather than a gf.

 

Sod winnin her back if it happens it happens. Right now i honestly feel i have to put the feelings behind me and try a friendship with her Not no contact but partial stayin friends and see what happens between us who knows i could meet some one else but atleast i have a friendship that is built on a good foundation. A one built on someone that i know in my heart of hearts no matter what does actually care about me and i her. and that i can trust.

 

I just dunno if im deluding myself or if it can be done.. Does anyone really stay friends with their ex after a breakup?? i mean this close to the break up less than a month after the event??

[AwdreeHpburn]

hey tommy - I think its worth the effort for sure. I personally don't know of anyone (other than Dako) who has remained friends with their ex for any "real" length of time.

 

I know it CAN be done, but it is quite rare. But I do think you should give it a go. The worst that can happen is that it doesn't work out. But not for lack of trying.

 

One never knows. Maybe the two of you were MEANT to be friends....

[tommyt]

The ammount of ppl that seem to wounder how im not angry over this astounds me my friends dont understand it they all say its only natural to get angry i got depressed still feel downt hat its over cause it wasnt by my choice it ends. But I refuse to act the immature child over this. its the sort of situation that requiers to be handled like a grown stable adult i guess. I cant find it in myself to be angry for her makin a dessision thats right for her.

 

The sayin goes To thy own self be true. Thats why i refused to get angry over our breakup weather i like it or not she is being true to her own self. She was lost now tryin to fid herself again. It was gut renching heartache to begin with still is a little hurts that its over. Really hurts i still feel tears about it. But all along i have had this thing in my head sayin that i would have done the same if rols where reversed just i wouldnt have had the disscomfort she is going through and the worry and being scared to talk to me half the time because of the fact its over. Those feelings are not the bassis of a possable friendship i dont want her to feel guilty for her doing what was best for her.

 

After all one cannot be true to another if they are not true to themselves.

[dogheadma]

hey tommy - I think its worth the effort for sure. I personally don't know of anyone (other than Dako) who has remained friends with their ex for any "real" length of time.

 

I know it CAN be done, but it is quite rare. But I do think you should give it a go. The worst that can happen is that it doesn't work out. But not for lack of trying.

 

One never knows. Maybe the two of you were MEANT to be friends....

 

Sometimes that is the case. I had a girlfriend once that I lived with for 5 yrs. We broke up but have remained friends ever since. The reason why is because the friendship is the only part of our relationship that really worked, we weren't sexually or romantically compatible, had completely opposite likes and interests and goals, but there was something that clicked between our souls on a intellectual/mental level that was very special and because of that the friendship continues until today. Even though we've both moved on to find more suitable partners I would imagine our friendship will remain and we broke up over 5 years ago. Maybe this is the case for you too. Time will tell I suppose.

[tommyt]

Ok this is where i need some advice again heh. How do i go about changing from a lovin relationship BF/GF to just friends thats a part i aint figured out yet. only way i can see it workin is if i can do some sort of emotional u turn i guess you could call it.

 

and another one. She was sayin to me when we chatted last night that she is sorta scared to see me because of the fact that its over... I dont want her feelin guilty for ending it but how do i stop that i dunno how to do it.

[tommyt]

Am i right to be crappin myself over a possable meetin with my x 2mora. Its sorta part arainged we both have to be in town for diff reasons I have to get xmas presents in she on way home from uni. so we *MIGHT* meet up for a coffee in town not totaly deffo but i hope she does decide to actually do it. Its scarin the hell out of me the idea of seein her again but i want nothin more to try and move this relationship onto friendship lvl if i can.

 

Dunno what scares me more the thought of her not turning up or sayin no.. Or that she does.. I lose her out of my life totaly and the friends thing doesnt work... or that its all that can ever be between us again friends...

[dogheadma]

Just take it slow. You two should probably give each other some space while the break-up is still fresh. You both need some time for yourselves right now.

[tommyt]

Im confusing the hell out of myself right now.. I swear im like 2 or 3 ppl in one. One moment things feel fine like im able to do anything the next im scared of whats happening in my life, the next im some one totaly differant again, Im like Cerberus the 3 headed dog.. So many differant ppl all at once yet at differant times.. Hell even writing this has me confused.

[Deserted1]

Tommy, sounds like you 2 still need more time apart. Things are still a bit cloudy for both of you after the break. Maybe taking a step back for a few weeks or maybe even a month will help you see things more clearly. If you want to maintain a friendship in the long run, maybe meeting up right now isn't a good thing. You could possibly say things to her out of emotion that could turn her away. Give it time, emotions need to settle, just like you said "you feel like 3 people". Which one of those people will be meeting up with her tomorrow? Is it the friend who wants the long lasting friendship, or the hurt ex b/f that still loves her and wants her back? Give it time, get your head on straight.

[heartlessromantic]

Assuming the breakup was fairly amicable, you can be friends with an ex but you need the emotional distance that only time can provide. I am friends with an ex I dated for 3 years but she has moved away from where I live and though we can talk about basically everything, we are not going to be regularly hanging out or planning to see each other, etc.

[tommyt]

This is doing my head in. I really dont understand how i can do this For the last few days ive beent his person that had accepted it and felt like he was moving on yet for the last few hours it started that i felt a lil bit of fear over seein her now i feel like im ready to full on panic over it. yet the plans are made agreed upon and i cant go back on my wordits the only thing i have Right now i can give My word.

 

All i can think about right now is that 354 days ago i met her. 2mora is my xmas do which i dont even know if i can drag myself into going out of fear now that she is going to be there... i know that i want to go but there is this little voice in the back of my head sayin NOOO DONT GOOO!!!!I am crappin myself here so much termoil out of nowhere throwin me into total confusion

[tommyt]

Well we saw eachother 2day went for that coffee, All went well, But i have to admit that the hurt x boyfriend is still in me i felt it a couple times but he slipt back away to the hole he hides in and only comes out at night right now on the other hand i am gettin ready for my xmas party.

 

This is the true test of my own metal because a. she is there and i aint seen her since the break up while drunk ish... and its only on a night time that those feelings come out in me guess i play it by ear and see what happens heh

[heartlessromantic]

If you don't feel ready to see her and you feel awkward emotions creeping up on you, I would recommend telling her that you need more time. Unless she is open to reconciling and you want to get back together, there is really no point in putting yourself through this.