How Do You Get Over Heartbreak?

[chameleon1218]

An 8+ yr 'relationship' has ended. I've realized that I've repressed feelings for him the entire time we've been 'involved'. He's marrying someone else - again. I know its time to let go. I've been trying for years. This past month has been hard, the past 24 hours have been very difficult. My head knows all the reasons why but my heart just doesn't want to let go and it hurts - a lot. I don't like it. I've never experienced this before and I really can't take feeling like this. My chest literally hurts right now. How do I get past this and how long will it take? Is there anything I can do to speed up the process??

[Layword]

Listen to yourself, your stronger then this. I know that deep down you were really in love with this guy, maybe you had stronger feelings then that, but that doesn't matter right now.

 

What matters is getting yourself back on track. I think that deep down, you blame yourself for the break-up. You go over it, again, and again. You never seem to recover. But that's alright, it's all over now. He won't be coming back, and you won't take him back.

 

There's a guy out there, a very special guy, he's been dreaming about you since he was young. He's wanted to be with you since he had ambitions to get married. Your strong, your tough, you'll get through this with your head high. I don't know what may have happened in your relationship, but eight years together is a very long time to be with someone.

 

It won't be easy, but you can help yourself. Let go, just let go. Take a deep breath, think about all the good things, then let go. You can do this, I know your a great person, you don't have to tell me. You'll find your love, I promise. Hope you feel better. Much love.

 

Cheers~

[obscurity]

Try and fill your life with activities, do things with your friends, things you enjoy. Definitely dont sit around thinking about him. Fill your schedule with fun activities and do them with people you enjoy being with. One thing you should definitely do is make plans with your girlfriends, dress up sexy (put on those pumps!!) and hit the bar!! Celebrate being young, single, and sexy!!!

 

For now focus on yourself and your well being. Definitely dont date yet, anyone at this point would be taking your emotional raft (rebound), and they dont deserve to be your emotional tampon.

[chameleon1218]

Thank you both for your responses. They really helped. Today was a really hard day but I went looking for help and I found this site.

 

Layman: I wasn't really clear about the nature of my relationship - I was trying to keep the post to the point but he and I were never in a girlfriend/boyfriend type of relationship. To be honest it started out as something that was supposed to be purely physical and temporary. But we never seemed to be able to part ways - its been a really weird relationship. I'd like to say were like soulmates - he 'gets' me and I 'get' him. I've been there for him when he needed me and vice versa. He never said he loved me or anything and I guess I knew all along that I loved him, I've just always known that I'm not 'the one' for him. He told me he was getting married a month ago today. I'm supposed to be happy and I'm not, and its totally blowing me and I've sent the poor guy reeling cause I let eight years of repressed feelings out in one long email. Uggh. But I'll get through this I know I will. I just wish I could be through it like now.

 

Obscurity: I don't really do the club scene anymore (I'm eons older than you both) but I did get my nails done this afternoon and when I finish this I'm going to take a long bubble bath and then watch all of my fave movies. I've taken a personal day just so I can get my brain together. Its a good thing I have my own office - its so unprofessional to cry at work but at least no one saw me. I'm with you on the dating issue - I don't date much as it is (too busy) but definitely not now. If losing my 'safety net' hurts this much I can only imagine how painful losing someone I had a real relationship with would be.

[addictedblue]

only time can heal this kind of pain. at first it feels like the world is ending. but although you don't think this now, after much time has elapsed, it'll be "oh i remember him" and you'll get over him and not care anymore. of course they say that true love is forever, so if you truly loved him there will always be a part of you that does, but it doesn't have to be your entire heart, just a small fraction. like the person above said, get busy, find a new hobby, do a little shopping, pamper yourself, get a new haircut, see your girlfriends, meet with sisters or brothers or cousins, buy a new pet, do some volunteering, get a mindless job, bake something. it'll keep your mind on someething other than him. the world isn't ending. the relationship is. and that relationship isn't the world. nor is it your life. no matter how much it hurts now, you won't die, you'll carry on. only time can heal it, and you can't speed up time. you can simply entertain yourself during the process.

[carelessone]

Hopefully by now you have told him how you really feel. I had a friend and we were close -talked ever day and had the special connection. I didn't tell him how I felt until he found someone himself. It was too late. He told me that he had wanted more in the past but because I had never said anything... Well, he didn't want to put himself out there. Hopefully you have spoken to him and if you are good friends with him and know that you will see the fiance/wife -- Well, in my case I ended up talking to her as well. Saying that I used to have feelings blah, blah and there was a little more to our friendship but I didn't want to mess up their relationship. I was even invited to the wedding, which was shocking.

 

I hope that you can maintain your friendship. The most painful thing for me was the fear of losing my friend. Instead I have now ended up with two.

[Neworleanslady]

Ok brace yourself for a cliche', Time heals all wounds. But it is true, but how does that help you now you may be asking? I know that because when I was suicidal over an ex, I wanted to punch people in the face for saying it to me. BUT IT IS SO TRUE. I wish we could erase heartache because I would erase yours this instant. Just remember, you matter as much as he does. love yourself.

[chameleon1218]

Its been about 2 months since I've logged on and thats because I've been really busy living life and moving forward. It took me awhile but eventually I stopped crying, stopped being angry, stopped asking myself why I wasn't good enough..yadda, yadda, yadda. I immersed myself in activities that mattered to me and even went to see a therapist to find out why I'd been hanging on to a relationship that obviously wasn't working for me for so darned long. Life is better, clearer and back to normal.

 

I did send him an email poured out about 8 years worth of 'stuff' I'd been repressing and then said my goodbyes to a chapter of my life that was long overdue for closure. I still have moments but they don't last long - I just remind myself that life is about forward movement.

 

Thanks to everyone who posted a response your advice was really appreciated.

 

Peace and Blessings,

L.

[chameleon1218]

Ok brace yourself for a cliche', Time heals all wounds. But it is true, but how does that help you now you may be asking? I know that because when I was suicidal over an ex, I wanted to punch people in the face for saying it to me. BUT IT IS SO TRUE. I wish we could erase heartache because I would erase yours this instant. Just remember, you matter as much as he does. love yourself.

Thank you so much - I wished I could erase the heartache too but I'm realizing that sometimes pain is a motivator, it helps us move away from that which causes us the pain.