How to Cope

[justmeagain]

I am in a huge dilemma and need to get some feedback. I broke up with my boyfriend of a year about 3 months ago. I did NC for 6 weeks and then broke down and sent him an e-mail apologizing for the way that I had broken up with him. Background : I had reached my boiling point and basically went crazy ... it was a huge build up that had been coming for a while. I am basically a very tolerant person until I am pushed to my limit, then I get a little crazy.

 

Well, when I e-mailed him he called me and we talked for a while, basically generic talking about his kids, my kids, etc. It went really well and I assumed I'd hear from him again shortly. Well, another 2 weeks went by and I decided to call him and find out why I hadn't heard from him again...we talked for a long time and I made the mistake of telling him I still loved him, etc. It didn't go anywhere and I felt pretty bad the next day. I heard from him for the next 2 days, he said he'd like to go out to dinner and then nothing....again.

 

The Monday before Thanksgiving I got a call at 1:00 in the morning, it was him telling me how much he loved me missed me wanted to get back together with me....etc. He wanted to spend Thanksgiving together. He had been drinking I think. Called him he next day and he said that he was sick so the plans were cancelled. Haven't heard from him since.

 

Now, my dilemma... he called me last night at 2:00 in the morning and I didn't answer...I am so confused....what is wrong with this person? Why can't he make up his mind? We have been apart for 3 months and have not seen each other at all. We live 10 miles apart. What do you think is going on here?

[heartlessromantic]

Well, you did break up with him so maybe he misses you but doesn't want to try again only to be left. What were the primary issues in the relationship? Sounds like you guys need to be better about communicating instead of letting things build up or allowing yourself to be pushed to the limit.

 

I would not answer his calls so readily, especially if he's calling you after drinking. Call him the next day and keep it light. Play it cool and see how things are if/when you guys do get to go out again.

 

If he keeps repeating his pattern of calling/flaking/etc, then maybe ask him directly what's going on... but don't get too emotional. It is important to keep your cool! Remember, you left him so he is probably hurt and a little afraid.