My Husband Doesn't Want Me

[ifthisisntlove]

To the orginal poster......

 

You do not need permission to leave if that is your inclination.

 

Only you will know when the time is right. If you have turned over every single stone... gathered all the data, examined it, analyzed it... and have done every thing in your power to save this marriage...and you still hit a brick wall. Then... is the time to move on.

 

I sympathize with you very much. I've been there and its NOT a good place to be. To be unwanted and unloved. I always said that the saddest thing in the world is ....

 

Being Married... and being lonely.

 

Yes. That is exactly it. Being with someone and alone all at once. It's very difficult to keep trying, especially when the other person doesn't see a problem and/or avoids it. **sigh**

 

Thanks for your reply.

[ifthisisntlove]

Don't give into the temptation of those that flatter you and boost your ego's outside of the marriage. Its a nice to know.... but hollow if you follow through with it while still in a relationship.

 

Yes. I totally agree. I kinda look around sometimes at what's available, and I don't really like what I see. It's so much simpler to put up with the idiosyncrasies of the one I am with. And, at least it's honest.

 

I keep asking myself if my expectations are too high. Do I expect too much of him? Have I not tried enough?

 

Thanks again for your replies!

[Shadows Light]

Yes. I totally agree. I kinda look around sometimes at what's available, and I don't really like what I see. It's so much simpler to put up with the idiosyncrasies of the one I am with. And, at least it's honest.

 

I keep asking myself if my expectations are too high. Do I expect too much of him? Have I not tried enough?

 

Thanks again for your replies!

 

No... your expectations are not too high. Everyone deserves to be loved and to feel loved. You arn't getting that from him.

 

I can totally relate to the comment you made about how "HE" is happy and if you are UNHAPPY you should seek counseling. Mine did that to me.

 

And.. let me tell you. It takes TWO to make a relationship. If its not good for ONE... its not good for both.

 

Relationships are work. I see it time and again, and it happened in my marriage. Once that piece of paper is in place... there's this.. sense of "ENTITLEMENT" that one of the pair feels. And they don't feel like they have to "TRY" anymore to impress you. they don't have to DATE you anymore because... why??? Your married.

 

How was/is your INLAWS marriage?

 

Many things can be traced back to the way someone was raised. The behaviors of his parents were NOTED and are INGRAINED in your husbands hard-wiring. Most of us don't even realize that we end up doing or behaving JUST like our parents did. How many times do you find yourself as a parent now saying the same thing to your kid that your parents said to you??? and you laugh at yourself.

 

Dr. Phil has a cool book out called.. "RELATIONSHIP RESCUE"... it was too late for me. But I did read it and get a lot from it for future reference.

 

Dr. Phil says.. the only difference between a friendship and a relationship is the level of intimacy. And if you don't have intimacy poster... then what do you have????? Then you ask yourself... if your friend dissed you... what would you do????

 

Its funny how with our friends we set boundaries and wouldn't put up with some behaviors. Its funny how we wouldn't dream of dissing our friends... lest we lose or friendship. And yet.... it so often happens in marriage and in long term relationships. WHY?

 

Good luck to you. I think you are on a healthy path doing some sould searching and asking yourself some hard questions.

[Caterina]

Bingo. I definetly agree with this. To be frank, wexman is out of his mind.

[Deviant_Kate]

Wow. You deserve much better. I'm glad you've graduated so you're *hopefully* in a position to support yourself and your kids.

 

He sounds like an irresponsible and selfish piece of crap. You shouldn't have to put up with all the stuff you've put up with. It's better to be single and happy than married and miserable.

 

Best of luck.

[Shadows Light]

Bingo. I definetly agree with this. To be frank, wexman is out of his mind.

 

My statements apply to both men and women. I have a few male friends who are going through the "SAME" scenario as above. They've gone to their spouses and talked, talked, talked, talked..... and flipped every stone they can. To no avail. I know of thier situations because they've come to "me" for a womans perspective on the situation. Quite frankly... it alwyas points to the same answer.... and the answer that most of us "do not" want to hear. We all long for that "happily ever after" men and women.

[Caterina]

My statements apply to both men and women. I have a few male friends who are going through the "SAME" scenario as above. They've gone to their spouses and talked, talked, talked, talked..... and flipped every stone they can. To no avail. I know of thier situations because they've come to "me" for a womans perspective on the situation. Quite frankly... it alwyas points to the same answer.... and the answer that most of us "do not" want to hear. We all long for that "happily ever after" men and women.

 

Of course it applies to both men and women, why wouldn't it?

[pregnantkitty_1985]

Ifthisisntlove,

 

I hate to ask, but is it possible that he's having an affair? You work the graveyard shift so I assume your schedules are different, and it wouldn't be hard for him to do so. I ask because he's stopped talking to you and he's stopped having sex with you.

 

Then, I read how he asked you for a divorce to be with some girl he met online. So, he's already cheated. What would stop him from doing it again? I think there's something more going on than just breakdown of communication.