Got that friday feeling...

[uplateandlonely]

Hi everyone,

 

Thanks to those of you responding to my previous threads. Your support is warming. I have started the anti depressants today - making me feel pretty rough. Not only physically but mentally feels like a failure. The weekend is here again and whilst I have some things planned none of it is what I really want to be doing.

 

I feel really stuck in the past - how do you deal with the memories which just fly into your head all over the place? I feel so alone and abandoned by the one person I least expected it from. Do you ever regain the trust? Does it really ever get better?

 

Inspiration required - please apply within.

 

Thanks for reading. Claire

[Jayar]

It gets SO much better! Trust me it does. Now, as an aside I'm not a doctor but for the love of GOD get off those antidepressants! They'll kill you after they make you fat. Please. The medical community is a huge conspiracy.

 

You got dumped. It hurt. You hurt. But it's natural and it doesn't mean you need to poison yourself. Cry a little. Go through a pint of Ben & Jerry's, then move on. You can and will... Without the "help" of some of the worst, most toxic drugs in the industry.

 

Just my advice. Keep in mind that, to a doctor, everyone needs to be medicated. By the sounds of it you're just a sad, heartbroken girl who needs a couple of months and the company of friends to heal. The best andidepressants in the world are positive life changes.

[bambina maxima]

It gets much, much better. You won't believe it now, but give yourself time. Love yourself. Think of the antidepressants as a way to give you a ladder on your way out of the hole. It's not as if you'll be on them for the rest of your life; they're just a temporary boost. Take it day by day.

 

Jayar, I realize medication such as antidepressants are probably overprescribed, but I wouldn't advise telling someone else to get off them. I once had a period of my life where I had anxiety attacks and deep depression, and though I absolutely ABHORRED the idea of "happy drugs", they were a temporary band-aid = that helped me be able to do the real healing. I was at a point where all other avenues were leading me deeper down the hole. Seeing a therapist weekly, to some degree the drugs, and TIME especially gave me a new lease on life. I was only on them for three months till I dug myself out of my cave, and haven't been on them since, and don't anticipate ever needing them again. By the way, I LOST an incredible amount of weight (though I don't think it had anything to do with the anxiety meds.) When it comes to emotional turmoil, I really don't think you can fit everyone's recovery plan into a single mold. It takes whole TEAMS of doctors/nurses to form recovery plans sometimes.

 

Uplate, the meds will help in a bit, but you need to focus on yourself and find ways to cope and heal. That is where the real progress will be. Think of this as an opportunity, a catalyst to see life in a new way, to understand what you are capable of all on your own. Trust me, there is light. Time is a gift that no one can take away, and it will do amazing things for you. Lean on those around you till you are stronger; then you can be there for them when they need you.

 

Jayar, have you had very bad experiences with the medical community?

[bambina maxima]

btw, i just have to add, it is really dangerous to generalize...all doctors are evil, etc. Many, many doctors are out to make a quick buck, but I believe there are just as many who genuinely care. I have seen both. My home physician is AMAZING. I went to a foot doctor once who was horrible. My dentist is somewhere in between I guess. But it is really, really dangerous to lay out blanket statements like "antidepressants are poison" and "doctors are out to make money". Life isn't black and white.

[uplateandlonely]

Bambina - thanks for your comments. you too Jayar. I would like to reassure you both though that I am also getting some talk therapy to go along with the meds - and I too have had a really hard time deciding whether or not to take them but I hate the idea more of getting even more depressed. I am doing all the textbook 'good' things such as excercise, seeing friends and looking at new hobbies etc. but the depression is holding me down and so I guess I need that sticking plaster to help the wound heal.

 

The Dr I have been seeing has been very good. In fact she has seen me 3 times before even suggesting these meds. I guess I feel she hasn't immediately given them to me so that seems to give the impression that she wasn't too quick in prescribing them.

 

Anyway, I'm going to keep coming on here becaseu it feels like a really supportive community and at a time when I feel like I've forgot what I think about things it's good to get other perspectives.

 

So thanks guys. x

[D1886]

Keep with the antidepressants and therapy. I'm with you about being depressed after a breakup, I'm starting the antidepressants today too.

[cingar]

After my boyfriend broke up with me i was really upset i couldn't eat, sleep, all i thought about was him. Coming here and telling my story has been a great help and hearing others stories and some advice they were givin was very helpful. I took antidepressants for the first month they did help because i was able to start eating and sleeping again. I haven't been on them now for 3 weeks. But i still have them just in case i have a bad day. it will be two months on december 9 since he left me . I still miss him very much, but it is getting better. i was like you it is very hard to deal with the loss of someone you love. but everyone is right it will get better in time, we just have to hang in there. Everyone is different and heal in there own way some can just bounce back right away others it can take alot longer. But when the mourning process ends we will be all right.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Anti-depressants can be very helpful for people who are stuck in a rut of depression... there are many different kinds out there, so please don't generalize and say they kill you and make you fat... they save (and reclaim) many lives for people who have chemical imbalances related to too much stress (and heaven knows breakups are stressful)... so keep up the talk therapy and getting out and about, and when you're doing better, you won't need the drugs anymore...

[L.J.]

I feel really stuck in the past - how do you deal with the memories which just fly into your head all over the place? I feel so alone and abandoned by the one person I least expected it from. Do you ever regain the trust? Does it really ever get better?

 

uplateandlonely,

 

I know how it feels to be stuck in the past. I'm on my 6th week of NC and my head is also all over the place with memories. There is no perfect recipe or amount of time to bake the same cake. Anti-depresants might or might not be part of the ingredient, I guess it depends on who's baking it. I am not on depressant drugs but I had to use meds to help me sleep for the first couple of weeks.

 

In answering your question as to how I deal with the memories, I find it helpful to tell myself that I'm a creature of habits, that it's not so much my ex, but it is the comfort we shared in our daily routines that's causing me distress. I think my subconscious mind is counting on memories to compensate for these routines that are taken away from me. When I feel stuck in the past, this mindset really motivates me to be actively developing new routines, so my head doesn't depend on old ones as defend mechanism. Now I routinely visit with friends and meeting new ones. Inviting friends to my place for dinner also bring new joy and energy to the home. I am feeling less alone. Hopefully it will get better. I hope the the same for you too.