Boys Lie--They do whatever it takes to get a girl....!

[heyguys]

I am so sick of boys lying, men lying, to make themselves look better and get a girl. I wish everyone was just straightforward and honest that way other people know who exactly they are getting involved with, not find out 2 years later like me. When I met my current bf he seemed like Mr. McDreamy to me. I had just been getting out of an awful relationship with no trust, betrayl, the works! My new bf came along and offered me everything I wanted to hear. He told me he loved me never felt this way, that I was his best friend, and I brought a whole new meaning to his life. As two years have passed by, apparently he felt the same about his ex. Now I know everyone has a past, but my bf went out of his way to tell me I was the BEST and FIRST love, when in fact that wasnt true. He lied just to get to me and for me to feel safe, but the truth is THEY lie just to get you, hook you, then after that they open the cans of worms when you already fell in love with them....so cheap and pathetic and betraying....i just want an honest man for once~!

[BellaDonna]

Hi there.

 

I am so sick of boys lying, men lying, to make themselves look better and get a girl.

 

Please do not stereotype all men on the planet. I'm sure this is offensive to many enotalone users.

 

I'm sorry things did not work out with your boyfriend(s), but you can't fairly use that experience to judge everyone.

 

....i just want an honest man for once~!

 

If you have a negative view toward all men, you may never find the right person for you. You will repel them.

 

BellaDonna

[heyguys]

ok , i guess i posted in the heat of the moment, but basically i wanted opinions as to why you all think he lied to me about these things in the beginning? and now that i know them im hurt and he thinks i should just get over it? wht do u think? i know not all men arent like, but do some people agree that this guy is a creep or is this typicl behavior of guys and girls to lie to look better? i know i dont...i feel like my bf made up stuff to look better. its one thing to hold things back but to make up stuff (regarding feelings and emotional experiences) is different

[Batya33]

It takes two to tango. You chose to watch the lips not the feet. Next time, get to know someone at a reasonable pace over a period of 6 to 9 months so you can see if what he does matches what he says. I am not just talking about people who might lie - I am also talking about how a person's honest assessment of himself or herself or of his or her feelings towards another person might be clouded by infatuation or excitement or just plain newness.

[BellaDonna]

Perhaps you are attracted to the wrong "types". There may be signals that they give you early on that you are not picking up on.

 

If you find yourself falling for lies or deception, some people have said that this book is a good one: link removed

 

I've never read it myself, but it might be worth checking out.

 

BellaDonna

[Day_Walker]

Well now you have learned a lesson and will take what guys say with a grain of salt. I would love to live in a world where people didnt lie, there was world peace, everybody got along and all the girls i was interested in were 6 ft tall with caramel skin, green eyes and had curly hair. I dont live in that world so I am not naive and people have to earn what they get from me.

[heyguys]

ok thanks for the tips. but the truth is i dont want the relationship to end. i love him and i know he loves me, just now i know he loved other ppl too..so how can i proceed from here. and just for background, he was dumped by her, and i already heard the advice "if she was so great he would be with her still", but thats not the case here, he had no choice but to be dumped...so what should i do and how should i swallow this information about his true feelings from the past....(why did he lie about it)

[DN]

I think you are totally over-reacting. Who cares who somebody thought they loved, did love, fell out of love with, before they met you? It's beside the point.

 

Maybe he did love her - and then when he met you he realised that what he felt for you was much better, stronger and more real. So for him it was like the first time.

 

Much better to be his last love than his first.

[heyguys]

trust me DN, i know the past is the past....my problem with this is for ppl not to make up a past to look better, because eventually the truth will come out...that is where i am at. i know i am not overrecating, its just that honesty is one of my core values, so im conflicted right now with him. maybe if i was like him i would understand, but i dont understand..maybe other ppl are like him who just use their "life resume" when they meet ppl.....i dont just tell ppl the nice things about me, i tell them all about me and people truley appreciate that and i have many people fall for me because of my honesty and sincerity....and i truley trusted in him that he was like me, he made me believe that...so do you understand me now?

[Clementine orange]

Well now you have learned a lesson and will take what guys say with a grain of salt. I would love to live in a world where people didnt lie, there was world peace, everybody got along and all the girls i was interested in were 6 ft tall with caramel skin, green eyes and had curly hair. I dont live in that world so I am not naive and people have to earn what they get from me.

 

Hey, if you do mange to locate that world (with those girls and peace and all that) do you mind if I drop by once in a while?

 

Serously, Men do not have a monopoly on lieing. People also change their minds. They may feel XYZ at that time but change later. Personally, I hold off on promises and strong statements until I'm sure i feel that way.

[heyguys]

Personally, I hold off on promises and strong statements until I'm sure i feel that way.

 

Me too!! i guess not everyone does!

[Clementine orange]

Glad to hear it "heyguys"

 

Insincerity is one of the cruelest things out there.

[DN]

trust me DN, i know the past is the past....my problem with this is for ppl not to make up a past to look better, because eventually the truth will come out...that is where i am at. i know i am not overrecating, its just that honesty is one of my core values, so im conflicted right now with him. maybe if i was like him i would understand, but i dont understand..maybe other ppl are like him who just use their "life resume" when they meet ppl.....i dont just tell ppl the nice things about me, i tell them all about me and people truley appreciate that and i have many people fall for me because of my honesty and sincerity....and i truley trusted in him that he was like me, he made me believe that...so do you understand me now?

I understood you before. I think you are projecting on to him how you behave and expecting him to be the same which is seldom wise. This is not an issue of him cheating - at worst it would be a white lie.

 

But I think you are missing the important point - he loves you and you love him. Are you going to allow this issue to drive you apart? If you don't want that it is time you forgave him and got on with making the relationship work for both of you.

[heyguys]

Are you going to allow this issue to drive you apart? If you don't want that it is time you forgave him and got on with making the relationship work for both of you.

 

alright, i will try but i just wish it was him who understood me and asked for forgiveness (maybe not literally, but just hear me out and not expect me to suck it up so quickly), i need time and room to accept things as they come...he gets a little impatient...but yes yes i will try

[DN]

If your relationship lasts as long as mine has - this will be a small blip on the radar of your memory and will be almost completely obliterated by the memories of events far worse and so much better that will happen during your time with him.

[Jayar]

ok thanks for the tips. but the truth is i dont want the relationship to end. i love him and i know he loves me, just now i know he loved other ppl too..so how can i proceed from here. and just for background, he was dumped by her, and i already heard the advice "if she was so great he would be with her still", but thats not the case here, he had no choice but to be dumped...so what should i do and how should i swallow this information about his true feelings from the past....(why did he lie about it)

 

Well, let me put perhaps a different possible spin on this. I loved my ex with all my heart. We dated for 2.5 years. I wanted to marry him. I couldn't imagine life without him. Not only did I not want anyone else, I didn't even SEE that anyone else existed. I was 100% completely smitten.

 

4.5 months ago, my ex dumped me. I was shocked, hurt, betrayed... A whole mix of emotions. I begged, I pleaded, I felt like life wasn't fair. I'd have given everything to have him back again. But then over the course of the last 4.5 months something changed... I realized I loved the person I thought my ex was and wanted him to be, because I don't think I really loved the person that dumped me on a bench out front of his house that horrible Saturday afternoon.

 

I'm not ready to date yet, but when I am I can HONESTLY say that the next person I fall in love with will likely be far more deserving of that love. This doesn't mean I did not love my ex, but it means that no matter what I thought I felt for my ex (and the complete donkey's butt I made myself out to be immediately after the break-up) the truth is, what's coming down the road IS going to be better, or else I simply won't bother with it.

 

So my next boyfriend never has to feel like I'd choose my ex over him given the chance, even though my ex was undeniably my first love. See what I mean? And I probably won't go into the details of the depth of my love with him either (like your boyfriend didn't with you) because why bother? Maybe my new boyfriend will make me feel like what I had with my ex was so insignificant. Make sense? I hope in that case my new boyfriend doesn't think I LIED to him because I didn't bare all about my past!

 

Listen to the song "Bless the Broken Road" by Rascal Flatts (or at least Google the lyrics). It's a beautiful song that I hope one day I'll fully understand the meaning of. Maybe your boyfriend feels the broken road for him led straight to you?

[dpressedone89]

honest men, well honest people in general are like gold, they're out there, just hard to find, but when you do its worth the trip so dont quit looking.

[stillwantinhim]

yes i have been in a relationship just like that one but it could aways be even more bad like me i had a baby with the men that acts like that it took some time but i got over it and him now he is just here for my and his son thats all that i need from him he wants more but i cant...i l learned how to listen to my mind and not my heart takes this with to your next relationship (foolish the man that listens to his heart and not to reason)

[heaven]

Now I know everyone has a past, but my bf went out of his way to tell me I was the BEST and FIRST love, when in fact that wasnt true. He lied just to get to me and for me to feel safe, but the truth is THEY lie just to get you, hook you, then after that they open the cans of worms when you already fell in love with them....so cheap and pathetic and betraying....i just want an honest man for once~!

Were you under the impression that he had never had a girlfriend before or that he had never loved before? Just trying to clarify what you mean about him lying.

 

I've been in love several times in my life. Just because I was madly in love before doesn't mean that I can't feel that way again with a new boyfriend. Besides, how would you have liked it if he would've gone on and on about how much he loved this girl and how wonderful she was? How he had missed out on "the one"? You probably would have never had a chance together then.

 

Just my opinion, but maybe you should cut him some slack. Afterall, you've been together for 2 years now, so there must be something to this relationship.

 

Peace.

[heyguys]

i knew he had a gf. that was fine. i didnt probe or ask about anything. he took the liberty to volunteer that he loved me and i was his best friend and that she wasnt any of that. i didnt ask how i compared to her. now i found out he felt the same way about her when they were together (loved her and best friends)...which is FINE but why did he make up not loving her or her NOT being his best friend, i never even asked...whats up with that?

[heaven]

Maybe he felt that way about her at the time (or thought he did anyway), but now he is with you and maybe his feelings for you and the love you share don't hold a candle to what they once supposedly had.

 

Since he was the one who was dumped he's probably still got alot of hurt. Maybe he was so crushed that it was easier for him to say he never loved her that much in the first place and that she was never all those things to him. Kind of like a defense mechanism, a way to deal with his pain.

 

I know you feel as if you've been lied too, and I can understand where you're coming from, but unless he said these things to you with the intention of being hurtful or deceptive I would try to work through it and see it for what it really is. From what you've said here, I really don't think he meant to hurt you.

 

Many hugs to you.

[dazzednconfused]

Ok the "jerk bf" i will not post on this thread anymore but let me say this. My gf is impossible! and i am beyond tired of this, I will tell u this. I thought i loved my X gf but, I truly believe it was lust there was nothing to love about her, but this gf is different, she is everything a guy can dream of and much more. The only thing wrong with this gf is pathetic. I am guilty of having a past and now im screwed. I can give a 2 ishs thats she has a bf that she was suicidel over. My gf crys and complains for saying she was my bestfriend i mean damm she was my gf for goodness sake now i can never say those words ever again. Do i cry and complain everytime she tells me she loves me?

[heyguys]

the point is BEING DISHONEST.....yes i am impossible to be tricked and lied to, is that so wrong?? all im saying is all this info about his feelings was not necessary to know, but since HE decided to bring it up, he may has well have told me the truth long ago!!!

[heyguys]

My gf crys and complains for saying she was my bestfriend i mean damm she was my gf for goodness sake

 

i never asked if anyone was anyone's bestfriend in the past...i dont care...i just dont like being told i am the only bestfriend my bf has ever had, when that obviously isnt true...the bf should just not say ANYTHING...if there isnt a truth to say, dont just make up a lie!

[StrandedinON]

Hi2u Welcome to.. is it phase 2 or three? of the grieving process: Anger.

 

The rest is downhill from here. It's a long and painful trip. Let your body and your mind go through it naturally, and when you get out on the other side, you'll be a better person.

 

That's what I keep telling myself.