2 bestfriends making me feel isolated...why is this happening at my age?

[shellie12345]

Let me start of by saying that I know how immature this will seem. I am 23 and shouldn't have to deal with stupid stuff like this...but I can't help the way that I feel!

 

Ok so I have 2 best friends. Well I have a lot of people I consider good friends, but these are the 2 girls I hang out with and talk to the most. Anyway, one of them lets call her anne has been my best friend for years now. The other lets call her Sue has been a friend of mine for just as long however, we just recently got close (like the past 7 months or so). Anne and Sue were friends too for just as long ( a little closer than I was with Sue) but Sue and Anne were never as close as me and Anne were.....following??

 

Ok so here is the problem: I am feeling like Anne gets jealous/possesive of Sue. Like when we are all out drinking or whatever Anne clings to her and basically excludes me. When we are all together Anne and Sue will bring up inside stories infront of me to make me feel like they have been friends for soooo long. Stupid? yes i know.

Now there is more. I feel like Anne kisses Sues you know what. I feel like she goes out of her way to make sure she compliments her and stupid things like that. Just so that she has one up type thing.

Now don't get me wrong. I am not competing here. I have done my best to ignore it and be mature. I keep telling myself it is silly and it will pass. But it is really starting to piss me off. I hate worrying that I will be left out of the loop or that I will have to feel ignored if we go somewhere.

I don't know what to do. Anne has been my friend for so long and I don't even know how to approach her. She is not the most approachable person and she would get mad and push herself even further away from me.

Sue will just continue to love it because her * * * is getting kissed...what could she possibly find wrong with that?

What do I do? I know this seems sooo childish and everything would be fine if Anne would just stop acting this way!

Is three a crowd? Because that is exactly how I feel...

[The Law]

Well its clear you are considered as a rival and not as a friend, and this is sad because it doesn't have to be that way, its not your fault. If i where you id put an end to the friendship and just go your own way. But before that you should try to salvage , and talk in private to Sue about how you are being excluded, you at least need to complain on how you are always being left out. Its only fair if the attention gets equally shared, why can't you people just get along with eachother? Honestly your right about the immature part, however even immatureness needs to be dealt with. Definitly talk to Sue about this, and if it doesn't work out ,too bad and leave the group.

[GeneralLee]

Shellie, I know exactly how you feel, and have been having the same problem with two of my friends who we'll so-forth refer to as John and James. John is my cousin, and, since his birth, my closest friend in the world. James I've only known since 8th grade. John and James started hanging out alot during a certain extra-curricular activity of which we are all members. After that I pretty much became a rival, albeit an innactive one. It seemed almost like John resented how close he and I had been, and was trying, very dramatically, cut the proverbial apron strings. I'm not about to compete over friendship (and here comes my advice) because of a friendship is tenuous enough to be competed over, then it was never a real friendship at all. In my opinion what your friend is doing is trying to say "I don't need you, see I can be close with other people too." When in reality she is saying "My closest friend in the world is becoming close with someone else and I feel like my territory is being encroached upon. I can't stand the idea of playing second string to her, so I'm going to show my closest friend that she still needs me by keeping her friend all to myself." Don't play the game, if they want to be such close friends, then let them, and eventually they will either grow sick of eachother, or miss you. If neither happens, then these people are not your friends. Just remember that people are born alone, and no one goes with you when you die. That means that you can traverse the expanse in between alone just fine, and be a much better person for it.

[shellie12345]

wow...you guys helped a lot. I thought I was the only one who had to deal with the stupid stuff. So do you think I should stop hanging out with them for a bit? Or should I continue but keep ignoring it like I have been? I think if I keep hanging out with them and this continues I will end up snapping or something. It almost happened one night when I was drunk...I came very close to losing it!

Anne has done this to me before with friends. In fact it happened in University with a girl we both became close to. At first Anne tried her best to keep me isolated. Turned out that the girl and I became better friends in the end...maybe she is scared it will happen again?

She even went so far as to befriend my ex at one point which just about killed me.

She knew he and I were on bad terms. I was heartbroken and couldn't stand going over to his place to hang out. He is in our group of friends so she knew him before we broke up and was friends with him. But convienently when I was in the phase where I had no contact with him, she was constantly over there. She all of a sudden became best friends with the guy who broke my heart. It took me a very long time to get over that, I was really hurt.

Why does she keep doing this to me? I am seeing a pattern now that I think about it.

[Juliana]

If you see the pattern, can you step out of it, and just fly your own course? I also have two good friends; threesomes are sometimes hard. But we all love one another. You may feel excluded when really they are missing you when you're not there.

 

...take no sudden precipitous action, I guess I'm suggesting....