What do I do about his subtle hints?

[filmraven]

I need some advice...

 

my bf who I live with has been dropping hints for months now about getting engaged. He frequently asks me what kind of rings I like when we pass by jewelery stores and recently told me that he'd really love to call me his finacee since he feels like we're at that point in our relationship (I fully agree).

 

My problem lies in the fact that despite him mentioning these things all the time (and he has for at least six months now...) I don't feel like he'll be asking the question any time soon. He tells me he desperately wants to get rid of his "debt" (car payments, etc...) and is really broke. He also told me that we shouldn't spend a whole lot on each other at Christmas and instead buy one another small gifts (which is fine with me) because he is so broke. I guess I just don't understand why he keeps bringing it up if he has no plans of doing so until later down the road.

 

I can't complain, I LOVE my boyfriend more than anything and adore our life together but was wondering if anyone would have any insight as to why he would be doing this.

[Corvette]

He just is feeling you out, seeing what your take on the whole process is....

[Beec]

If he asks soon, then he asks soon. If he does not, then you need to consider what you will do. I don't think you should do anything else for a while.

[filmraven]

what could I say to him (that doesn't sound pushy) that I'd love to be engaged to him too? I've been "trained" my whole life to never ask for anything-especially expensive things-and so I never quite know how to bring up the engagment talk when it's coming from me. When he brings it up I'll tell him what kind of ring I like or tell him that I'd love to be called his fiancee too and I thought that would be enough to make him realize we both think the same thing...but the comments keep on coming.

[DN]

I imagine he wants to be engaged to you but can't afford a ring right now and is scared that you will think he doesn't want to marry you and that you will move on to someone else.

[DN]

what could I say to him (that doesn't sound pushy) that I'd love to be engaged to him too? I've been "trained" my whole life to never ask for anything-especially expensive things-and so I never quite know how to bring up the engagment talk when it's coming from me. When he brings it up I'll tell him what kind of ring I like or tell him that I'd love to be called his fiancee too and I thought that would be enough to make him realize we both think the same thing...but the comments keep on coming.

 

Next time he says anything like that say "If that is a proposal - the answer is 'yes, I would love to marry you'"

[Beec]

Maybe you ask him upon mention of it, "Is that a proposal?" And if he says no, smirk, slyly and tell him, then when it is one, let me know. It will stop the hints, perhaps. But, I might soon after grab him and kiss him like I wanted to suck out his tonsils, if I were you.

[Siriana]

Probably he dreams about it, while he knows that reality is different because of his finantial status and age. So I really think he has nothing wrong in his mind. it looks like he likes you a lot and likes to think how it would be to be engaged with you.

Next time he mentions it ask him - in what period of time you see us engaged?

[laboheme]

Maybe he's bringing it up so much because he wants to reassure you that he does want to get engaged...but just can't do it right now because of his financial situation? As in, he wants you to know he's serious about the relationship and wants you to be patient and stick around until he can scrape up the money for the ring?

[caro33]

I realise this is a really big deal for you, and you can't help trying to work out what's going on, but my advice is STOP. You will know what he wants you to know. He might even pop the question soon, too hard to tell.

 

Some guys will say these things to keep the other person 'warm' and have them understand it WILL happen one day. Some guys say this stuff to throw the other person off the REAL track, while they do something quite different.

 

I wouldn't say anything else, I bet he knows exactly how you feel. If you are happy to leave this to him, and I'd suggest you do for now, then he will do whatever he's gonna do. Pick a date for yourself to be sure that if he hasn't asked by then you will need to get a straight answer. Maybe a couple of months from now? And then relax and enjoy what sounds like a lovely relationship.

[annie24]

awww... how sweet! It sounds like he would like to get engaged, but wants to sort out his finances first (ie, pay off debts before buying a ring). And I think that's fair. I guess he wants to know that engagement in general is on his mind, so you shouldn't leave him for someone else right now.

 

I think you should just go with the flow for a while. I bet it will happen soon enough.

 

The only red flag I can think of is if he is complaining he doesn't have money for a ring, but is wasting all his money on video games, or buying a whole ton of stuff he doesn't need and getting deeper in debt.

[filmraven]

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate all of your advice. I think I'll lay low for awhile and if it happens to come up again then perhaps do what DN or Beec suggested. I was tempted to not even post about this "issue" because it's not really an issue and it almost seems petty but it's been nagging at me for a good while so I figured I could use some opinions.

 

Annie: it does go through my mind when he tells me he's going to buy another guitar which I know is worth more than enough $$$. In the same instance I could never bring myself to say, "shouldn't you be saving up for ___..."

[filmraven]

I have one more question...

 

Since I last posted the "big talk" came up and was initiated by my boyfriend. He told me that he has been looking for a ring for awhile but realized that he really wanted my input. I agreed with him completely and felt very relieved to have had the talk. It seemed like intentions were now clear and we both knew where we stood interms of marriage and getting engaged-luckily we agreed on most things.

 

My question is: one thing that my bf mentioned was the fact that he wanted to talk to his folks when he goes to visit at Christmas (he's from another province) about us getting engaged. I'm a little nervous about this (as I assume most would be) as I have only met his parents twice for two week holidays and although I feel like they like me you can never know for sure! Now, he is coming home in two days and I'm wondering: is it appropriate for me to ask how the talk went with his parents? Or should I leave it alone and not bring it up? I really want to know but am hesitant for some reason about asking.

 

What do you guys think?

[Beec]

I think you give him a few days, and then see if it comes up. If it has not in a week or so, ask again.

 

If he really thinks you are the right one, it doesn't matter what they say.

[Siriana]

You can ask. Why not?