crushedinIndy Posted December 31, 2006 Author Share Posted December 31, 2006 Radioheader, thanks for the suggestion of Love Must be Tough. I had already purchased one on E-bay and just started reading it. It looks like I am going to survive 2006 and make it to 2007. I get better and better everyday, far from where I need to be but getting better. I think I have combined the anger and acceptance phase. I saw my ex-wife on Christmas day and she was still wearing her wedding ring. I can’t figure that out since she wanted out so bad and so fast. From what she is telling me she has not seen her new boyfriend and partying with the band since leaving. I guess she is still e-mailing some of the old ones. It all does not make sense but none of this does. Thanks to all for their responses to my posts, have a safe and happy New Year. crushedinIndy Link to comment
Beec Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 Radioheader, thanks for the suggestion of Love Must be Tough. I had already purchased one on E-bay and just started reading it. It looks like I am going to survive 2006 and make it to 2007. I get better and better everyday, far from where I need to be but getting better. I think I have combined the anger and acceptance phase. I saw my ex-wife on Christmas day and she was still wearing her wedding ring. I can’t figure that out since she wanted out so bad and so fast. From what she is telling me she has not seen her new boyfriend and partying with the band since leaving. I guess she is still e-mailing some of the old ones. It all does not make sense but none of this does. Thanks to all for their responses to my posts, have a safe and happy New Year. crushedinIndy Well, it could be that your ex left and found out the life she thought she wanted was not all peaches and cream. Maybe just maybe, she found that out and wants back with you, or may come to that realization. If she does, you will choices to make. Your biggest chocie to make will be to accept her or not. If you choose to accept her, sooner or later you would need to learn to trust her again or it will end. If you won't be able to trust her, don't accept her. Trust is also not just about cheating, it's being able to count on them to do what is good for you, in all things. Otherwise, life goes on. You have had a certain set of cards handed to you, and you must play them as well as you can. Take care of yourself, take care of your son, if you find yourself with too much time on your hands, find new activties to fill the time, for now. Stay busy. Get a good lawyer and protect yourself during the divorce. When you are ready to set out for a new direction in life, a new way for you to live and enjoy life, then go get it. That may take a while, but it will happen, and it will get better. Link to comment
kermit Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 I would second what BEEC says. Your wife left she may have been unhappy with the life she had with you, but she might have also discovered that in hindsight it wasn't that bad. The other, less palitable, possibility is that she was dumped by the man she left you for, and now wants you back. I hope that isn't the case, but it is possible. I know what your wife did was painful to you, but she is probably also in a very difficult spot, and she might be in a quandry herself. Ending a long marriage is not easy, she is likely racked with guilt and doubt. I know what it's like to be in her shoes. She left you in very difficult position, you need to look at the situation very carefully before you make any decisions. Do not make any rash decisions that might lead to more pain for you. Good luck. Link to comment
crushedinIndy Posted January 3, 2007 Author Share Posted January 3, 2007 I really do not see her asking to come back in the near future. She is fighting some health issues right now, once she gets those resolved and spring sets in, she will be back to partying hard. She has some single friends that she likes to party with. If I was a betting man she will get her first DUI or be in an accident by year end. I think the guy she left me for is in a committed relationship with another woman. It was probably alright to sleep with a married woman on the side because she was not a threat to expose him. Now that she is single she is a liability. I don’t know all the details, at first I wanted to know everything, now it just does not matter. I think the fairy tell ending she had for the end of our marriage is not working out. She anticipated that my son would live with her half the time and the other half with me. That has not happened, she has no idea how badly she has destroyed the relationship they had. The only time he calls or goes visit is at my nudging. I feel he has lost all respect for her. My crystal ball is telling me that she will hook up with someone and get married or live with them. Once the newness wears off, her life will not be much different than the life she had. By the time she figures out how badly she has screwed up, she will have lost the final two years to be with her son and I will have moved on. Only time will tell. Link to comment
Beec Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 I don't want to sound morbid, unsympathetic or anything else like it. However, except for the fact that you think she is going to be in a DUI and otherwise screw up, I like what you wrote above. You're getting to new stages of grieving and recovery. The only thing I would tell you to work on adjusting, when you can, is to begin to try and hope for the best for her. That's probably a long way off. But her healthy, safe, living a decent life is probably better for your son than otherwise. If I could write the script, I would have your wife see she made a mistake, apologize to all concerned and thereafter, try to lead a decent life. Perhaps then she could rebuild some of the respect your son and you hd for her. Trust is too much to ask for. While you move on and develop a new life you enjoy, whatever that is and whatever you want it to be. I think that's what you need to work for. Think about what you might want your life to become, now that she has dealt you this hand of cards, so to speak. Hang in there. It will continue to get better. Link to comment
crushedinIndy Posted January 3, 2007 Author Share Posted January 3, 2007 Beec, Hold the phone, I do only wish the best for her. I hope she finds her true love and lives in happiness the rest of her life. I just think that her luck will eventually run out if she continues to look for her soul mate in a bar. Link to comment
Beec Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 Beec, Hold the phone, I do only wish the best for her. I hope she finds her true love and lives in happiness the rest of her life. I just think that her luck will eventually run out if she continues to look for her soul mate in a bar. OK, that's good. I find that to be a little inconsistent with the thoughts you have of doom and gloom ahead, for her. But, it might not be. Link to comment
kermit Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 Predicting her demise based on irresponsible behaviour and hoping it doesn't happen are not incompatible. I have a teenage daughter, so I understand. Link to comment
crushedinIndy Posted March 15, 2007 Author Share Posted March 15, 2007 My divorce was final today. Link to comment
houdini Posted March 15, 2007 Share Posted March 15, 2007 CrushedinIndy, Not sure if I should congratulate you or send you my apologies!!!! I guess you can answer that question for me right???? Well I hope you're doing better, I came accross your post today and I can't imagine how much that must have hurt to find out how your exwife disrespected your marriage and love. In time you will look back on this and thank yourself that you made it through, you deserve so much better and in time it will come again....Just be patient!!!! and take care of yourself.. Houdini Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted March 16, 2007 Share Posted March 16, 2007 My divorce was final today. How are you doing through all of this? Link to comment
Beec Posted March 16, 2007 Share Posted March 16, 2007 How are you doing through all of this? Good question. Crushed, life has changed for you. I wish you luck in you changing your life into what youwould like it to be. Try to heal as mucha s you can and not to get too cynical. Link to comment
crushedinIndy Posted March 20, 2007 Author Share Posted March 20, 2007 Well congratulations or apologies are not needed, just good luck. I ended up with my son so I came out alright in the settlement. I am in week 4 of a 13 week faith based divorce class. I think I am doing pretty well, probably better than my former wife. The weather is getting warm so there is more work outside to keep me busy. Life is good… Link to comment
Beec Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 Life is good.... That's a good outlook to have. Seems also like you are probably getting some help in trying not to be bitter. Good luck. Link to comment
dcl222 Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 Hi swettie I am sorry for your loss, I can imagine what you are going through since I have been there already. If it helps it does get better, especially if you talk about it with friends,strangers,therapist. Cry let it out! Who cares you must take care of you. Do not let depression settle in, if you feel it coming go get help! I got soo depressed at that point of my life that if it weren't for the meds, I would probably not be writing you this message. Remember that death and divorce are very traumatic, and hurtful to one's soul...just think it too will pass. Good Luck! . , . f Link to comment
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