I don't have a father and my mother and I are not close...

[tray_acct]

Hi, I just wanted to write something about my inner feelings about not having a father and the importance of a father. I believe that just by typing it, I may feel better.

 

Where do I start... my mother and I moved to Canada when I was 1 year old right after they were divorced and I never went back to my country. I am 25 years old and I never spoke nor met my father. All I know is that he has re-married and has 3 kids. My mother has never re-married and is single and alone. She used to date this guy whom I never liked and he lived with us for about 15 years and left her for religious purposes, or so he says.

 

I never like him anyways because he used to lie to her and I felt that whenever I had an argument with him, my mother used to take his side and not mines. I resent her for that so much, he made me so angry and my relationship with my mother was never the same after my teenage years. I barely spoke to her at all. Just had basic conversations and that's it. I haven't felt close to her all these years.

 

I do not have any brothers or sisters so I really had no one to talk to when I was growing up. I felt like my anger was building and I was very unhappy living in my household. I have a lot of cousins, but they are all much younger than me so I didn't have anyone to connect with. I envy them so so much because during family gatherings, I see how their fathers love them and talk to them and do father things with them and I always craved that kind of love and support all my life.

 

I had to learn everything all by myself, I had to learn French, no one helped me with my homework, had to learn all the things that a father teaches a son. My mother tried to help when I was very young, but since she dated that guy, she was never close to me ever since. We do not communicate like other sons and mothers do.

 

But all I know is that when I do have kids, I will give them so much attention and love because I love kids. I will not have them feel the emptiness I felt all these years. I will give them my heart.

 

I do not know what a normal parent-child relationship should be. I understand that there are a lot of people who do not have a father/mother figure in their lives or both, but I feel that it is so important for parents out there to communicate and show their sons and daughters that they love them each and every day.

 

My mother does not know how I felt and how I feel at all because we do not talk about our feelings. That's our relationship and it hurts so much. My ex-girlfriends used to tell me that how come we do not talk. I told her that it has always been that way and that we do not have a normal relationship like others do. She asked why don't I initiate and change it, but this I cannot do because I do not know how and I'm not sure if I really want to at this point. I've made it by myself all these years and I plan to continue this way.

 

People at work find me to be the nicest guy around, well brought up, well raised, they say. When I tell them that I only have a mother, they say that she did a really good job, and I think to myself: did she really? They even go as far as saying that they wish that their kids can grow up to be like me, obtain my character traits, personality and charm. It is flattering to hear, but sometimes I with I could go back in time and be born in a normal family with both my mother and father's love and support.

 

Ok I will stop now, writing this has helped me vent my anger and I thank you. Please love your kids like there's no tomorrow, this is something that they will cherish for a lifetime. Hopefully one day, I will have an opportunity to do the same.

[doyathink]

Tray, you sound like a wonderful person, who will someday be a wonderful father. The path we follow in life isn't always the one we thought we would take till it was upon us. If you asked your mother what she would change in her life, I would bet this is one area where she would if it were possible.

 

Mistakes and regret pave our past...in all of us. The only thing we can do is make our tomorrows a blessing for ourselves and those we love. Tell your mother you love her and forgive her for her trespasses. You will too someday make your own mistakes with your own children and have to live with it.

 

I grew up without a father and my son and daughter did too. I had a stepfather and my kids did too, I know it's not the same. Make sure you give your children all the love you can, as I do mine......

[musicguy]

I kinda know how you feel. My dad and mom divorced when I was 13 and my older brother left too. During my childhood my dad worked all the time and was hardly around me and my brother. Right now he's trying to get back what he lost, but I dunno, I hang out with my dad, it just feels weird