am I being too jealous....?

[Yvette84]

So I'm with this guy who I really like. He told me in the beggening about this girl he was with. He was a virgin and they were just friends. she told him she wanted to be friends with benefits, he didn't want to but eventually gave in. He said he never liked her as a gf, that's why they were never together even though she ended up falling in love with him. he wasn't really attracted to her and didn't like her in that way, but I'm STILL jealous about them being friends. He told her they had to be STRICTLY friends, but still...it is driving me nuts!!! am I over reacting?? would you be jealous if your bf was hanging out w/some girl he slept with & lost his virginity to??? especially if you know she's in love with him???? I don't want to say anything because I don't wanna sound psycho...](*,)

[shikashika]

it happened before you met him? lots of things happened with you before you met your boyfriend too

 

No you do not sound like a psycho but don't bring it up to him.

 

Its ok to have the feelings you do... but you can't change the past.

 

Everyone had to lose their virginity to someone.

 

Easy for me to say 'don't let it bother you' because clearly it does... but if you say you are fine with being with him, then don't bring up that girl.... accept that he was with people before you

[Chevy369]

No you do not sound like a psycho but don't bring it up to him.

 

I wouldnt hold in your feelings like that. if it truelly bothers you then bring it up to him and express your concern. Communication is extremelly important in these circumstances because if you just keep it to yourself it will just get worse.

 

I wouldnt take it so far as to tell him to take her out of his life completely, but just make it clear so that he knows why you may be uncomfortable at times when her name comes up. You never know, if your a huge part of his life he may take it apun himself to stop seeing that girl.

[shikashika]

you have a good point chevy,

 

however Iknow if a guy I was dating got all uppity about me being friends with a guy I slept with a couple of times I'd think my guy was needy and insecure.

 

depends on how you bring it up to him.

 

Maybe say something the next time she comes up in conversation.. I wou;dn't bring it out of the blue.

 

or say something like

 

"Say, boyfriend-bob, I think its really cool that you are able to hang out with sleazy-sophie.. I really respect that you're mature enough to do that. I have to admit, because she's absolutely infatuated with you, sometimes I wonder if she has ulterior motives.. it makes me a bit nervous sometimes, but I trust you and am happy I'm in a relationship with an honest mature guy like you"

 

maybe someone else could add to this?

sure its a bit if cheese, but if you really want to say something to him, don't be accusatory... maybe someone else has some ideas about what she shouls say??

[Yvette84]

it's not the fact that he slept with her, it's the fact that she's STILL around and they shared something THAT intimate, plus the fact that she IS in ,ove with him.

[Batya33]

I would strongly question why he shared all this information with you. It is not about being "open and honest"- why did he need to tell you anything much less intimate details about their sexual relationship, her feelings for him, his lack of feelings for her? Is that something you tell a girlfriend or someone you are dating? Sounds like there's some ulterior motive here - he wants you to know that he was soooo desired by this woman, that he still is, that he had sex. Not too classy and he is likely insecure about himself and about your feelings for him - do not mistake that kind of verbal diarrhea for "honesty" and "openness".

 

How do you feel about his comments that he didn't want to but gave in? Do you "buy" that he was passive in this decision?

 

I have been dating my boyfriend for about a year. I know he had two girlfriends in the last 5 years. I know he had sex with both of them because we had to talk about sexual history for STD purposes.

 

All I know is the fact that they had sex, that they were exclusive and seriously involved while together. That's it. I am curious about the rest but I won't go there - and it is because there are things that are better left not discussed because my imagination has a way of running wild and I would get jealous for no good reason.

 

What I would do - tell him that from now on, you do not want to hear details about his love life/sex life before you two met and you will also not share those details. Perhaps he thought you wanted to hear it for some reason but now you know you do not, so tell him that. Just my humble opinion!

 

(and get tested before you two have sex and make sure he has not had sex for at least 6 months before getting tested)

[treefrogkate]

I would strongly question why he shared all this information with you. It is not about being "open and honest"- why did he need to tell you anything much less intimate details about their sexual relationship, her feelings for him, his lack of feelings for her? Is that something you tell a girlfriend or someone you are dating?

 

I have a different view of this. I think he was explaining to the OP the situation so that she wouldn't be worried about his being friends with the girl. It sounds like he was nervous and it came out wrong. Would it have been better for the OP to find out that they slept together months after they were dating? Wouldn't this have made the OP even more jealous and insecure about his feelings for her if he had hid this?

 

Anyway, I agree with shikashika, and while "sleazy-sophie" made me laugh, this seems like an incredibly mature way to approach the subject.

[Batya33]

It is fine if he told her he had a certain number of sexual partners and fine I guess if he told her "who" but the details beyond that - senseless and harmful to tell her.

[treefrogkate]

It is fine if he told her he had a certain number of sexual partners and fine I guess if he told her "who" but the details beyond that - senseless and harmful to tell her.

 

It just sounds like he was explaining that he was not in love with her so the OP wouldn't get the wrong idea of his now-friendship, and that she was in love with him so that he wasn't hiding anything. If he gave explicit details other than this (which the OP can confirm or deny), then *that* would be cruel, but not just the situation as she explained.

 

I'd much rather know if I were in this situation.

[Yvette84]

It just sounds like he was explaining that he was not in love with her so the OP wouldn't get the wrong idea of his now-friendship, and that she was in love with him so that he wasn't hiding anything. If he gave explicit details other than this (which the OP can confirm or deny), then *that* would be cruel, but not just the situation as she explained.

 

I'd much rather know if I were in this situation.

Yes, I'd rather know too! I'm glad he told me!! he was being open and honest and that's how it should be. He did NOT give any explicit details. he just didn't want be to be jealous of nothing. And I ended up talking to him about this and he said she got mad when he told her they could be nothing more than friends, so it's nothing at all really anymore. And I asked him what would happen if she wanted to hang out with him and he said "It wouldn't happen, I'd tell her no". he totally understands.