Is there something wrong with me or him??

[tiffanyambergirl]

Ok, I've been dating my partner for about two years on and off. In the beginning we were only just buddies with benefits, we saw eachother few times a week and would mainly just hook up everytime. Technically we've been officially dating for about a year and a half, in the beginning we would see eachother often and our sex life was pretty much on the same page.

For the past about six months, we've been seeing eachother almost everyday and I love it! BUT there is a small problem. He wants to have sex everyday, few times a day and I don't. For example, we will watch tv, the min we both sit down he will take my hand and put it on his ..... ..., sometimes I'll refuse cuz I find it annoying and he will get all upset that I don't want to touch him. Basically everytime we are alone, the minute we are alone (and I'm not exaggerating) he will make me play with his privates. He wants to have sex all the time! and as much as I like it, I don't. I'd be perfectly happy with us doing it every other day. I don't know what the problem is, but I feel like this difference between us is putting a big burden on our relationship. Not to mention we both still live at home and I just don't feel comfortable letting lose with my parents in the next room. Whenever I refuse him, he gets mad and leaves.

 

Is it normal to be THAT horny?!??? or the fact that I don't NEED it everyday makes me un normal? we are both in our mid twenties, granted he is couple yrs younger then me but nontheless, we are both in our mid 20s.

 

Please tell me how I can fix this problem of ours before its too late, I DO want to make this work and do NOT want to break up

[musicguy]

guys are horny all the time. Just tell him you don't want it everyday

[tiffanyambergirl]

guys are horny all the time. Just tell him you don't want it everyday

 

I do tell him that and when I do he gets upset, starts questioning me why I don't want it and when I say "well I'm not horny" he gets all upset and leaves.

I don't think he comprehends the fact that sometimes I'm simply not horny....

[musicguy]

well, he should respect you and the fact that you aren't horny all the time

[4ever]

think about it this way. its better than if he didnt want to make love to you at all when you would feel unattractive and upset, there are alot of stories like that here

[tiffanyambergirl]

think about it this way. its better than if he didnt want to make love to you at all when you would feel unattractive and upset, there are alot of stories like that here

 

Yes I'm VERY well aware of that, but at the same time it is a little annoying when sometimes for example you just feel like cuddling with your significant other with out him putting your hand on his private and making you feel him up the minute you two lay down.

[4ever]

yes i understand. probably just the age, too horny and a bit immature? i mean he should realise to respect you and realise sometimes cuddling watching a movie together is better than having your hand between his legs.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

i think men think about sex a lot more often than women do due to the effects of testosterone, but that doesn't mean that you should be required to satisfy his urges every time it crosses his mind.

 

i think you might have a potential sex addict on your hands (or should i say in your hands? LOL!!!

 

anyway, if i were you, i'd read up on that condition and then decide what you want to do about it. sex addicts use constant sexual activity for all kinds of reasons that other addicts use drugs for... to distract themselves from stress, reduce anxiety, substitute for feelings of emptiness, avoid dealing with problems, etc. etc. he probably needs some kind of treatment or to read a book about it and learn other outlets to control his sexual impulses better. People's sex drives do differ, but his seems a little excessive in terms of pestering you all the time whenever you are alone.

 

but honestly, he needs to find other sexual outlets besides using you like a blow up sex doll whenever he wants... hey wait, why don't you buy him one of those and sit it on the couch between you when you're watching TV? just kiddin', i know it must be upsetting for you, and don't feel bad if you don't want to 'service' him every couple hours, that really is an unrealistic expectation on his part....

 

he *might* be able to find another woman who wants sex that much, but odds are, if they are both sexual addicts, it isn't a healthy relationship, like two drug addicts together. so i would try to help him find a way to deal with this, and get you some peace.

[musicguy]

I agree with her on this one

[tiffanyambergirl]

yes i understand. probably just the age, too horny and a bit immature? i mean he should realise to respect you and realise sometimes cuddling watching a movie together is better than having your hand between his legs.

 

thats the way I feel, but I guess maybe it is the age...I don't know

[tiffanyambergirl]

I must say that it has crossed my mind that that may be the problem. Either I'm in denial but he is in his early 20s....I like the age excuse MUCH better

 

On a serious note...I appreciate your input and it scares me if your answer really is the answer to this "problem", the hand between his legs, I have asked him about it and he just says that "it feels good". Well DUH , I'm lost

[musicguy]

he should respect you and your decision

[BeStrongBeHappy]

yeah, and eating an entire container of Haagen Daz feels good, and drinking 5 magaritas feels good, and.... you name it, there's a million things that feel good, but that doesn't justify indulging your impulses constantly and to excess, or for him to expect you to fondle him constantly when you don't feel like it... his argument (or should i say excuse) just doesn't hold up under scrutiny.

 

the other problem is that he does have to learn to try to respect your wishes and compromise on lots of stuff if your relationship is going to last. that's an infantile position to take, that you have to indulge whatever he wants because it feels good for him. what about you? he's feeling good, but you're feeling used...

 

lots of addicts beg people for money etc. to get their fix, and he's doing the same thing with you, so it's not valid for him to think you have to give in to him because it 'feels good...'

 

so you could try tackling this from the maturity and compromise angle with him first... explain your feelings, and you don't think everyone spends all their alone time fondling each other, and that you need other things in your day besides that... you're actually being very nice to him by even having sex once a day... most couples don't do that...

 

then if he won't compromise, you probably have to move to the next level, and haul out the sex addiction books... the other risk you run is that sex addicts will frequently cheat with other people, no matter how much sex you give them, for no other reason than because they are addicts and can't control their impulses very well. so you might want to address this now, before it gets worse.

[DizzyDoris]

This sounds familiar i had a buddy with benefits, it lasted for 3 years, at first i was cool with it but inevitabily in the end i got feelings for him and had this fantasy that after 3 years he must have had some for me. He used to just come round for sex then leave straight after. Looking back now i cant believe i put up with it for so long, he just used me for sex.

 

I dont have any advice really (sorry) just the part where you said he leaves if he doesnt get sex, seemed like a red flag to me. Like he doesnt want to spend time with you unless he gets sex. Be careful with this one, sounds like hes just after one thing.

[Mr.Mister]

Most guys do want sex everyday. I could go for it multiple times a day. haha. But, I'd never pressure a girl to do something like that, nor would I do something she doesn't want to do.

 

Are you sure he's really wanting you and not just sex? You started out as friends with benefits, so he might just see the relationship as a sexual one still. I may be wrong, but he's probably just coming to you to have sex with and when you turn him down, he loses interest and leaves. I'm not sure of the whole situation, but that's what it sounds like to me. He needs to respect your decision, and, if he really cares about you as a person and not a sex object, he should show he cares by being close without making you do sexual things.

 

You not wanting sex everyday is completely normal, since most people, women in particular, love to cuddle and express emotion and feelings towards a person, rather than just having sex. Intimacy is greater than sex, IMO, and I think that's what you have been looking for. If he doesn't want to show you any compassion and just leaves every time you don't want to have sex, I think it's time for you to find a new bf. But, that's just my take on it.