Lost and confused!! Help!

[Lioness]

Hi All and Happy Monday,

 

If you've been following my saga you know my husband left me for what seemed like a car accident and damage to his brain, but now appears to be another woman. Anyway, he called me Friday night, 11/17/06, and is remourseful and sad that we are apart. I asked him to file for divorce last week via email and previous to last week I had not spoken to him in about 5 months. We communicate about the kids, house, all that through email. Now he has asked to see me, tomorrow after work. I'm panicked and thinking he's just having "leavers remourse"...it's like buying a car and then deciding you really didn't want it or need it. I think he's having a temporary attack of conscious and feels bad about all he's put myself and my girls through.

 

What's the best way to handle this? It's no secret I adore and love him, but I'm not in a good place to deal with games like this. I get by everyday, and I want to heal and feel better. This man was the absolute love of my life in every way and when he left I crumbled. It's only by the grace of God and my two beautiful daughters that I keep going. He knows that and it just gives me false hope to think he could come around. What's more, do I really want this man in my life again? I don't think he's capable of being faithful to anyone and can't be married to anyone. So a divorce is pretty much a given. How about some thoughts out there?

 

Lioness

[rose2summer]

Well, other than he had an affair with another woman.

 

He used the traumatic brain injury as an excuse,

 

And says that he just wants to live for him and enjoy himself.

 

I don't want to say it but he seems very narcisstic and only concerned for himself.

 

I think it would be really tough if you drag your daughters through this again.

 

I doubt he is being remorseful or truly missing you as a person, but missing the void you used to fill.

 

Most likely, the new woman isn't fullfilling his needs fully, so he wants to keep you both at bay.

 

I just can't see much good out of bringing him back into your life.

 

He's unpredictable and very wishy washy and right now you need to heal.

 

What is going to happen when he finds yet another new woman.

 

It's just going to lead to further wounds and heart-ache.

 

Hugs, Rose

[LostInMyThoughts]

If divorce is what you want, then go for it.

 

The situation you're in is so difficult, and I'm sorry you're going through it. having divorced my wife because of infidelity, I know alittle of your pain.

 

Is there a reason you're making him file for divorce? Why not take it upon yourself to do it--if thats what you want?

 

I'm not saying what he did was right, or that he deserves another shot, but if you still adore and love him, do you think you could try to make things work?

 

You're right, he's learned the hard painful lesson about relationships outside of a marriage. Once you leave your spouse, and see reality, it definitely ain't what he thought it would be.

[Lioness]

Yes, you're right. All the things you said are right. So how do I get my heart to reconcile with my brain? That seems to be the worst part. It all makes sense, but my heart seems to beat for him alone. Dragging my girls through anything more would be aweful. I won't do that to them. If it's put in that context I can refuse him over and over, I think. Thank you Rose2summer.

[Lioness]

Hi Lostinmythoughts,

 

I requested he file for a divorce because I'm unable to do it. That sounds so pathetic, but I can't. I moved my daughters out of our huge house, 4000 sq. feet, and into a townhome I bought in October. The house held memories I could no longer bare. We had been there for six years, his two girls, my two girls, three dogs, one cat...no fish I loved the family life, the noise, the laughter, all of it. I had to throw away every thing that reminded me of him to survive. It's much better since I moved, but the house still has a lot of stuff in it that I've not taken out. It's for sale, but no one has bought it yet. So, yes I'm covering two mortgage payments with his help. I don't want a divorce, never have. But he wants to live for himself with his new love. The phone call on Friday threw me for a loop and I was so sure divorcing was the best thing to do. I hate being 42 and struggling with this. I am a confident professional woman and this piece of my personality is startling to me. Love is not black and white but mostly gray isn't it? There are no definites in life and no one gets out unharmed...synical sounding isn't it?

 

Lioness

[LostInMyThoughts]

The pain you're going through is understandable.

 

I only asked because for me, taking care of it myself was my first step in taking back control of my life.

 

I wasn't going to let my ex dictate my life anymore.

 

I also don't think that you're being synical at all. I do know that after you've pulled htis ordeal you will have become more stronger than you could have ever imagined, and in some sick and twisted way, this one event could have been the best thing that ever happened to you.

 

I know that's how it was for me.

[Lioness]

Yeah, I keep getting that...it will make me stronger than ever. Believe it or not, I was an incredibly strong person to begin with. I'm a Leo in a long line of Leo's (Great GM, GM, Mother, Sister and now my daughter was born on my Birthday). Strength has never been a problem. It's knowing we were so perfect for each other, and I still believe that. But he's so daft that I'm not willing to put myself in harm's way, again. He's a virgo and while I don't believe in everything the Zodiac charts say, he fits it to a "T". I guess I wonder if they are just unfaithful by nature and can't be changed...thoughts/