Boyfriend turns gay...how do I deal?

[maynards_razorblade69]

5 days ago my boyfriend of 2 years tells me he's gay, doesn't love me, find me attractive and wants out of the relationship, but still wants to be my friend. At the time, I wanted to be his friend too, support him through coming out and everything. A day later (Wednesday) I found out that he'd actually been cheating on me, and is planning to have a relationship with this man that he's met on the internet.

I cannot describe my feelings on this but I will try: angry, hurt, confused, hopeful (that he isn't gay), heart-broken, disgusted (at the cheating) and absolutely shattered.

I can't help hoping that he isn't gay and will want me back, as this has happened before. But at the same time I'm not sure if I could go back even if he wasn't me.

Anyway, on that Wednesday I told him I wanted no contact, and I haven't called him or spoken to him since. I have filled my time with college work, ice-skating, seeing friends, seeing men that are interested in me, reading and watching films. I've spoken to my college counsellor, my parents and all my friends. Everyone is sticking by me, helping me, but I feel so lost. I got into Royal Holloway University, something that has been a dream for me my ENTIRE life. I was thrilled, yet even that didn't really cheer me up. I don't want to wallow in my own misery, I want to get out and have fun and stop thinking about this man that has hurt me so much, as he's not worth my feelings, but I just don't know how to get over him. The no contact is working, yet I still hope he's going to call, hope I'm going to see him for him to decide he wants me. No one else seriously thinks he's gay, everyone still thinks there is a chance for us, but that doesn't help either. False hope is killing me. I have come very close to throwing myself out a window, this guy was my complete and utter other-half. Yet I have so much to look forward to in my life. Everything reminds me of him, getting into Uni just made me realise I couldn't share that joy with him.

So basically, how do I stop these tears and start enjoying my life again? Does anyone have any tips to get over people? I'm destroying myself by being so miserable, and I just want to get better. I love him more than I have ever loved anyone, I love his family almost more than my own. I was in his life so much, and now he's rejected me.

Please help

x

[arwen]

Oh sweetie, that is a very difficult situation for you! I am very sorry for your pain. This is still very fresh, after five days, one usually doesn't get over a 2 year relationship, unless the relationship was over a long time before the actual break up.

 

I am sorry your ex cheated on you, that on top of having another sexual preference than you used to believe, is I think the worst. I wonder why he thinks you can be friends after this. So don't. NC is the best when it's possible (when no children or a common house are involved).

 

Then, CONGRATS on getting into Royal Holloway Uni. I am sure you will celebrate that once you start to feel better. At this moment, only time can make the pain less sharp, and I promise you that it will. It does get better after a while and you have the outlook on a clean slate, a fresh start for a wonderful time in uni.

 

I think it's good that you fill your time with a lot of things you enjoy to do. Keep in mind that an occasional curling up on the couch and bawling your eyes out is no sign of weakness when you are going through a break up! You don't have to pretend life is great if it really isn't.

 

Take care,

 

Ilse

[Siriana]

You need to continue with NC and to be patient - it's been only 5 days since the brake up, so of course these feelings can't disappear in such a short period of time.

So continue dooing what you're doing (because you're doing everything right), hang around with your friends and I promise you that things will be easier when classes start - so many new things, new faces, new responsibilites. As soon you become occupied with something so important you will have less time to think about things that happened.

Just continue day by day, be persistent and after some time everything will be o.k.

[Budman]

Yeouch, that would sting.

 

Le pain, oh le pain...

 

Quite honestly, I know that if any of my ex's cited the reason "I'm gay" as the reason they left would, be detrimental to my mental health.

 

with that said,

 

Quite honestly you have to treat it like a normal end/break.

 

Yes, its very hard, but you can not force someone to like you, infact actually trying to force them to like you makes them like you less. Just remember that what you have had, you will have better later. (unless you of course try to prove me wrong ) Focus on yourself for awhile. Improve something, find a hobby that you like to do.

 

Do some things that you couldn't do before.

 

That cute guy that moved in down the street, oh ya baby, go after him if you so desire.

 

Your ex has given you a gift. A gift of something new, something exciting and something that you would have never had with him

[brando]

people dont turn gay. He is gay, and always was, and is finally tired of trying to pretend he isn't.

[agent1607307371]

Hey brando, I while that is a good point I don't think it's one that the OP needs to be confronted with right now as it brings up the possibility that her relationship was based around that lie. Maybe in a few weeks it'll be a good thought for her to use to get over the loving feelings, but right now it's too fresh.

 

Maynards_razorblade , I think that NC is the best route you can go. After hurting you like this he can't be your friend and to try to do so would just alleviate guilt on his part and make you feel worse.

 

Carry on like you're doing and everytime a thought of him comes to you, force it out of your head. Or try one of those NLP exercises where you scramble the memory, make it a funny colour and run it backwards, change all the voices to sound like cartoon characters on helium. - it's oddly effective.

The only thing you can do with the pain is to keep going through it, one step at a time- it might feel like forever but eventually you will come out on the other side.