I like him alot, but does he like me?

[mudpie]

I met this guy about 2.5 months ago. Started off slow at the gym, we talked, i asked for his email, we emailed. Then he asked for my cell phone number, and we texted. Then he called me a couple times here and there. Then he was asking me out for coffee once or twice a week.

 

He always talks to me at the gym and puts his hand on my back. Smiles, says I am good lookin etc. Very considerate and sincere person, never disrespectful. We talk about alot, work, life etc. He told me I had a knockout body but hoped that I didnt think he was being rude.

 

He told me he is pumped about our movie night that we are planning. Also, he is making me homemade hot chocolate, and introducing me to his dogs. He up'd his text messaging on his cell phone to unlimited cuz of us writing back and forth so much. Sometimes 30 times a day!!

 

I could sit here and list all the things he has said or done either text, or at the gym, but they really added up. For example, I went to give him a high five at the gym with both hands, well he enraptured my hands like intertwining fingers as if holding hands, but for a minute , then i turned it into a dance spin. He also calls me honey on occasion. I also get texts in the mornings alot saying wake up sleeping beauty or sunshine. Ok I think you get the idea.

 

Problem is, he has a girlfriend. I asked him if he will invite me to the wedding. He said, Woah easy on the W word, but I would invite you anwhere. I am hoping she is on the way out......... I feel a really big connection with him and I hope he feels it with me too. The way he looks at me makes me melt, its a whole soulful connection.

 

Any ideas? I know, once a cheater always a cheater, but we are "just friends" right now.

[Jayar]

You know you are not "just friends". If you were, then you wouldn't be hoping his girlfriend is on the way out. Let me ask you this; if he was YOUR boyfriend and he was doing what he's doing with you with some other girl he met at the gym, would you consider it "just friends"? Likely not...

 

Now, this doesn't make you a bad person. You don't owe his girlfriend anything, after all. But what it DOES make you is a somewhat naive person to think that he wouldn't eventually do this to you once the new wears off.

 

There are two possible things going on in his head. Either he REALLY likes you... Just not as much as his girlfriend (who he has, incidentally, chosen over you until otherwise shown by his dumping her) or he has lost all feeling towards his girlfriend and WILL drop her once he feels safe enough to jump to you.

 

Ask yourself honestly if EITHER of those above situations is what you truly feel like you deserve for yourself. In the first case, he's distinctly telling you (by his actions) that his girlfriend is more important to him than you are. In the second case he's demonstrating a sort of preview for you of what will happen in your relationship if he starts to lose feeling for you eventually.

 

So what SHOULD it look like? Well, if he doesn't care about his girlfriend he shouldn't be with her. Period. With or without you in the picture. And if he DOES like you and want to be with you, then the one true way you're gonna find out is to cut him off COMPLETELY until he breaks it off with her.

 

Remember this; what you have with this guy is a relationship ONLY once you are the only one sharing it with him. Otherwise you are just a side dish, facilitating a cheater to hurt someone else.

 

I should add that, personally, I wouldn't entertain the idea of seeing this guy. He's already demonstrated he has the ability to cheat. What more of a red flag/warning do you need?!

 

Good luck, whatever you decide.

[Budman]

*RUN AWAY*

 

Yes my 2 word response is perfect in this.

 

He is putting the "moves" on you AND HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Attach fiance and see how you'd feel about the situation.

[Bethany]

Problem is, he has a girlfriend.

 

It all sounded wonderful until you said that.

 

He is playing some sick game behind his girlfriends back with you. You are being used and are boosting his ego by responding to his flirting.

 

Tell him that you don't feel comfortable doing this kind of stuff behind his girlfriends back and to stop this kind of personal contact at once. Say to him that if things don't work out between them, by all means get in touch with you and if you are still single, you'd be more than happy to go out with him.Until that day comes, you need to stay far, far away from him. If he wants to be with you that much, he will dump her for you.

 

He is not looking for friendship, don't be fooled by that. If he was, he'd be introducing you to his GF and not his dogs.

 

Don't be used, and don't be second best for ANY man.

[kellbell]

Hey there mudpie,

 

I feel this guy is crossing MANY boundries and being very disrespectful to his finace and borderline cheating to me. I know if I were his fiance, I would be terribly hurt and betrayed.

 

And to be frank, this friend of yours being very inapproriate. And your are helping him be untrue to his fiance. He is not available. I would stop while you can and not encourage this anymore. Think about his fiance and how this would make you feel if this was done to you. Remember, if this guy can do it with you, he can do it TO you.

 

Flirt with a guy whom is totally available, not ones whom are engaged to married. Good luck.

[Carl5000]

You say hes sincere, lovely, never disrespectful. I ain't being patronising(well a little) but would you class those qualities in a cheater? I feel your being naive, just because someone pays you compliments and seems genuine, it doesn't mean they actually are ) i can almost make women perceive me how ever i want, its just acting and it isn't particularly difficult. He's just putting on a persona and a front as he wants to get inot your knickers, fair play to him he's living life to the max.

 

Its upto u, if you want some fun, go ahead as he's obviously interested. but, as ppl have said, i wouldn't anticipate a relationship with him, as you couldn't trust him. Once a cheater, always a cheater! people rarely ever change.

[Steve_B]

My ex girlfriend left me for someone else and that someone else sounds just like you. Think about the pain you are going to cause to his girlfriend, your about to destroy her future and take away her love.

Sorry to sound harsh but i know how it feels. This guy is evil for doing this to his girlfriend i woiuld stay clear, it may be all good at first but you will most likely get upset in the future when he does it again. Be Careful

[Honey Pumpkin]

I was smiling away at your post, thinking he's crazy about you (with the wake up texts etc) until it got to the bit about the girlfriend. Which put a real spanner in the works.

 

My advice would be to back off. Completely. Be honest, say you don't think it's right to be like this with him if he has a girlfriend. It could go either way, either he'll move on to the next girl and put the moves on her, or he'll rethink his relationship with his girlfriend, and realise that he wants to be with you.

 

But for your own sake, I would back off. Otherwise YOU are the one likely to be hurt.

 

Good luck!

[atraceofblood]

hey please let us know what you do with him!

[mudpie]

thanks everyone.... girlfriend, not engaged tho. Still not nice i know.

I will keep you guys posted.

[mudpie]

you are all right.... i am not continuing this silliness. My eyes have been opened after this weekend. He is in love with his gf and i am only 2nd best. I am the loser here and I am going to move on. He wants his cake and to eat it too. He is willing to cheat and even has cheated on an emotional level. I want someone to love me for me, not the thrill of me. It hurts, but the truth hurts.

[InsomianicMind]

Maby he's a nice playfull guy and just wants too be your friend?

A girlfriend shouldent be his life thats just kinda sad if thats all he lives for. now my personal opinion would be too back up and dont expect too be number one in his life. Again, too me he just sees you as a friend.

[mudpie]

ummm ok, so I backed up and didnt expect anything from him. He turned on his charm even more of course. I started to hang out with this other guy and even mentioned the new guy a couple times around the other one. Seemed a little shocked and has also asked me out to his house to watch a movie since etc... I never went as I have been busy

 

To add, He got hammered on the weekend and texted messaged me even more than usual. Said he missed me, said he thinks he is in love with me, thinks he has a crush on me. I never wrote back as i got the msgs the next day... He apologized for his msgs said he was drunk. But yet he still has messaged me daily. Just not that lovey dovey as the truth syrup.

 

Oh well, I think I like the new guy better now anyways, no baggage.

[kellbell]

mudpie,

 

You are doing the right thing. He is texting in full force because you are ignoring him. Good luck with this new guy.