can't take no for an answer

[MetallicAguy]

So, this girl who has all my classes at school is really annoying. She always is staring at me, and since she watches me all the time, she noticed I've taken interest in another girl that is interested in me too. So, since I have all these classes with her I've ease-dropped on the sort of stuff this creepy chick asks the girl I'm into. She basically asked her what she does and what kind of music she's into, etc. So this girl is basically infatuated/obsessed with me and is extremely jealous over the fact that I'm not interested in her, and is interested in what type of girl I'm into. And besides all that, recently I was passing through the halls going to another class and one of this creepy chick's friends was walking in front of me (her friend wasn't too close to me so it doesn't seem too much like an accident) and she grabbed onto her backpack to get her attention and she "clumsily" tripped into me, like her boobs and flabby stomach were all thrown into my arm/side. Then she said oops and ran over next to her friend giggling.

 

I've tried nearly everything non-verbally possible to persuade this girl otherwise that I'm not interested. She can't get over the fact I'm not interested, its like she'll do anything in her power to draw interest from me, its really pathetic. To me, its like non-verbally telling me "I can't take no for an answer".

 

Everytime I flirt with the girl I like, she's all like depressed, then she acts even more cocky next time she sees me at school and tries even harder, hence the plowing into me thing that happened recently. This is very irritating, and it feels never-ending haha.

 

I really don't know what to do...

[Diablo7000]

just ask the girl you like out soon and maybe she'll get the hint that you're not single and maybe she'll leave u alone, and if she tries to break ya'll up, well you may have to draw the line there and teller whats gunna happen like, leave me the he11 alone annnd ya

[MetallicAguy]

yea im getting to that point so hopefully she'll stop bugging the **** outta me.

 

It just that I've noticed she's a really aggressive person that is used to getting what she wants all the time, she's a nerd all she cares about is school like, for example she sits at my math table, and everyday she's always talking about hw, or a test or something having to do with school, like I know its really judgmental to say, but she seems as if she's lacking a life. Like I've never heard her ever talk about something outside of school she likes to do in her freetime. Anyway, I don't want to be mean to her though and tell her off. The part that pisses me off is I think she knows the answer, but doesn't care and thinks she can manipulate me into giving in to her come-hither signs.

 

Anyone else have any advice?

[Diablo7000]

u may just have to teller straight up man, and if she dnt listen, well idk wat to do then lol, get a restraining order lol

[MetallicAguy]

Nah, I'm not gonna do that.

 

Any girls have a take on this?

[Jayar]

I second the advice to ask the girl you like out. The best thing you can do in this situation is be courteous and kind but firm. Remember, she cannot force you to go out with her.

 

Another quick point, stop viewing her as pathetic and geeky, and don't make fun of her (even in your own mind) if she has a weight problem. High school and the teenage years are hard enough. Remember, a LOT of these overweight geeky teenagers grow up to be absolutely stunning, successful women... I know because I am one of them.

 

Let me tell you a story... When I was in grade 9 there was this jock that I positively ADORED. He was gorgeous and I pursued him so much that I'm embarrassed thinking back on it now. He didn't give me the time of day and, for the most part, laughed behind my back.

 

Fast forward 9 years...

 

I'm a marketing graduate pursuing a Masters in Biology. I don't have one ounce of that baby fat left, and I'm the girl guys clamour to talk to at social gatherings. I recently saw the object of my high school affection as I was standing in line at the ATM. He wouldn't take his eyes off me. He did not recognize me, though I certainly recognized him. He was wearing stained jeans and a grubby shirt and REEKED of urine and beer. And he asked for my number. I politely smiled and said "I'm sorry, but I am not interested... Thanks anyway, Mike!"

 

I bet you he's still wondering where the heck he knew me from and why he hadn't dated me before. Hehehe!

 

So yeah, off on a tangent but be careful who you judge because they just might be your boss (or surgeon) one day. In general it's best not to burn bridges. So be polite to this girl but firm, and don't let her get to you.

[doyathink]

Can you tell her something like, hey...I'm not into you, please dont make this anymore awkward than it already is for me. Your nice, but I'm not interested.

[MetallicAguy]

Good advice/story. I'm not going to be mean to her, I'll just ask that other girl out, and hopefully she won't keep trying.

 

Good luck with your masters in bio too Jayar.

[MetallicAguy]

I guess I could, I'm not afraid to say it, I just don't wanna make her cry and then be known as the guy who did that, cuz everyone will talk about it. I have the feeling that'd happen...I don't know why maybe her obsession has something to do with it [shrugs].

[House]

I guess I could, I'm not afraid to say it, I just don't wanna make her cry and then be known as the guy who did that, cuz everyone will talk about it. I have the feeling that'd happen...I don't know why maybe her obsession has something to do with it [shrugs].

 

I don't think that she would be the type to go off and cry, the shy type of girl would be more the type that would cry I think, and by the sounds this girl doesn't seem all that shy.

There is this one girl at my school who is a few years younger than me and obsessed with me. I just ignore her, because she is completely not my type. She's not a nice girl, but the 'I wish I was bad so I'm gonna swear alot and drink heaps and get wasted!' boisterous type, totally unattractive quality to me.

 

IF she was ever to approach me I would just tell her that 'sorry, you're not my type'. Simple as that, if you're not interested and they don't get the hint and keep pursuing you HAVE to say something. Or else just ask this girl out that you like as others have suggested, knowing you're involved will more than likely put her off.

[MetallicAguy]

Hmm, thanks for the insight, I appreciate it.

[Caterina]

Metallica,

I know you're young, but I really think you need to stop judging girls so harshly. Its not a huge crisis- she has a crush. You should take it as a compliment. Its not like she is going to hold a gun to your head and force you to go out with her. You like the other girl, and thats it. And like the previous poster said, later on in life you just might change your mind about girls who are nerds. So consider her feelings...

[stopit]

Going along with what Caterina said, consider her feelings. I mean, poor thing has a crush, and crushes are hardly ever rational experiences. She's probably worked herself into an emotional relationship with you and feels like she knows you (hence the possessiveness/jealousy). It's mostly projection of her own imagination, of course, but it's still something very real to her. Subtlety doesn't work because she's mentally protecting herself, repressing any signals you send her that convey disinterest because that's just one of the funny things your mind does when you are crushing (and crushing bad!). I wouldn't be blunt with her, because that'll obviously hurt her - too much info at once. So whatever you choose to do, let her down easy!

 

Also, I don't think it's necessarily a good idea to ask someone out out of spite for someone else. Make sure your heart is in the right place and that the timing with the girl you like isn't forced because of this situation.

[jilligirl]

Whatever you do, MetallicaGuy, DO NOT make eye contact with her. Some (but not all) younger girls mistakenly take eye contact as a signal that you're interested. I had a friend in high school who was obsessed with this guy who clearly wasn't into her. She was coming to me sometimes, saying "He LOOKED at me in English class!" Like that was a sign or something! It wasn't, and though it wasn't obvious to HER, it was obvious to me that he wasn't into her.

 

SO NO EYE CONTACT.

[valenski]

Am I the only one reading metallicaguy's post? She a stalker, had the situation been reversed, the restraining order would be in full effect by now. You sound like a nice guy but there comes a time for ruthlessness, if it were me, I'd be plotting some scheme to destroy her but I dont think thats you. Reading your post just makes me so angry, anyone that stands in the way of someone elses joy or well being is hostile in my book, I honestly feel you are being taken advantage because you're a nice guy and she doesnt think you might go nuclear but you have to stand up for yourself and sometimes that takes drastic action.

[stopit]

My goodness, it's just a high school crush! It's not like she's infiltrated his inbox and phone book and follows him around after school (I'm assuming the OP would point this out lividly if this were the case). Okay, maybe she's missed some of the clues (to say the least), but at worst, this situation is annoying (not abusive or invasive in anyway). If anything, the OP should be flattered, even if he does not like her. (If the situation were reversed, it would still be creepy but nothing worse.)

 

How is she standing in the way of the OP's joy or taking advantage of him? Besides the slight intrusion on his personal space in the hall, what has she done that is so offensive? Keep the problem to its proportions. Anyway, responding ruthlessly would be detrimental to the girl in question as well as to the OP's reputation.

[Caterina]

Come to think of it, maybe you're right. You should hire the FBI right NOW before its too late...she might be building a bomb in her basement, so hurry!!!!

 

Seriously though, making fun of how she looks and her interests (flabby stomache, only life is school) is really mean in my opinion.

[MetallicAguy]

Well if you had this happen to you a lot you'd probably feel frustrated as hell too.

 

Reading your post just makes me so angry, anyone that stands in the way of someone elses joy or well being is hostile in my book, I honestly feel you are being taken advantage because you're a nice guy and she doesnt think you might go nuclear but you have to stand up for yourself and sometimes that takes drastic action.

Thank you, I'm glad someone else feels the way I do, except I'm not gonna take drastic action. Asking the other girl out soon should be enough to discourage her from pursuing still.

 

 

Whatever you do, MetallicaGuy, DO NOT make eye contact with her. Some (but not all) younger girls mistakenly take eye contact as a signal that you're interested. I had a friend in high school who was obsessed with this guy who clearly wasn't into her. She was coming to me sometimes, saying "He LOOKED at me in English class!" Like that was a sign or something! It wasn't, and though it wasn't obvious to HER, it was obvious to me that he wasn't into her.

 

SO NO EYE CONTACT.

Thanks, yeah I don't normally look at her, sometimes I have though, when someone's obsessed with you, your subconsciously inclined to pay more attention to them.

 

To stopit: it is sort of invasive, she will sometimes kick me in math if I'm not paying attention to her and say sorry...and its not like its a random accident, it happens more than seldom. I don't know about you but that's kind of harassing just because my attention isn't on her doesn't mean she has to kick my foot. And then pushing into me with her whole abdomen area was just invasive as hell. And it wasn't a brush, -- it was a plow, and I'm big on personal space so yeah.

 

Anyway, responding ruthlessly would be detrimental to the girl in question as well as to the OP's reputation.

I realized it would be bad towards my rep, so I'm not gonna tell her that I'm not interested. I'm probably just gonna ask that other girl out and hopefully she'll get the message.

 

Metallica,

I know you're young, but I really think you need to stop judging girls so harshly. Its not a huge crisis- she has a crush. You should take it as a compliment. Its not like she is going to hold a gun to your head and force you to go out with her. You like the other girl, and thats it. And like the previous poster said, later on in life you just might change your mind about girls who are nerds. So consider her feelings...

Consider her feelings? She is infatuated/obsessed with me for no reason at all. Since infatuation is not a serious matter at all, I don't think I need to consider how it feels to be in her shoes. You can say then I shouldn't make such a big deal of it but its sort of frustrating when things like this happen all the time. I would imagine something like this to be similar to being an attractive girl a good amount of guys are interested in in high school for the sole purpose of physical beauty.

 

I also think your stereotyping me as an *** type of guy. I'm really not despite your belief. I'm actually a nice guy, I've just had it with these type of situations all the time. You have to understand where I'm coming from, I bet there's some other guy on this forum that knows what I'm talking about.

 

How is she standing in the way of the OP's joy or taking advantage of him

She's not standing in the way of my joy, she's just stressing the hell out of me because she's manipulating my emotions by being over-confident and not caring that I'm not interested and not accepting that, and continuing to pursue. She's just one of those people that can't accept losing, it explains it too by her grades, I'm not judging, she's used to getting straight A's and gifts from her parents that she brags about all the time, she needs to step out of her "no-defeat" thinking style and step back into reality.

[Caterina]

I can see how that would be annoying. Still, you don't need to make fun of her as a way to vent. I would directly tell her that you aren't interested and if she cries sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.

[MetallicAguy]

Thanks for the advice. I don't believe I was making fun of her but if you think so...whatever, your entitled to your opinion. I don't think I'm going to tell her though, I'd rather not ruin my reputation over something like this.

[madcar52]

I would think saying how you feel firmly is showing that you have a great deal of confidence in yourself to let people know when they have overstepped your boundaries. How would that ruin your rep?

[MetallicAguy]

Well, not a lot of guys can read body language. I assume she thinks I'm one of those guys that are unaware of what goes down. Since I'm not, going up to her and saying "Sorry I'm not interested" or something along the lines of that makes me come accross as being cocky thinking she liked me in the first place. Even if she does like me -- which she does, since I'm not interested she can use that against me and say that I'm cocky and spread that word and ruin my game haha. Last year, I did just that and the girl told her friends she thought I was cocky, and yeah I basically explained how everything went. But since I'm at a new school that changed a lot of things so, .

[stopit]

You can say then I shouldn't make such a big deal of it but its sort of frustrating when things like this happen all the time.

 

Ah... so you're one of those.

 

After your last few posts, I can see how it would be invasive. You probably should be a little more forward than asking out another girl. You don't have to be blunt about your feelings, but when she does something that annoys you, just say something like, "I don't appreciate it when you kick me. Please stop." That way you look like your reflexes work - not cocky. And for flair, show your annoyance when she does those things to really get the point accross (but tastefully, of course).

[MetallicAguy]

Alright, I think I'll try that. Thanks . And I'm one of "those"? What do you mean?

[madcar52]

I see what you mean about coming accross as cocky...I like the advice of sticking to asking her to stop her behaviour. Hopefully she doesn't find your assertiveness attractive!