I need help

[hopelessxnow]

A therapist would do I'm still not over my ex and it's been a year! I don't think i will ever get her back though i really want to. Is it possible to ruin your chances forever?

[sandyv]

Yeah I do understand how you feel, but you sound like me... I want him back too... but when you think about would it work again.... probably not.. we gotta move on, and if something happens in the meantime fine... but you just can't depend on that, stick around I need support just like you do, one way or another ...

[lizzie]

Me too. It's been 4 years (after a 2 1/2 year relationship). We see each other often, but there is someone else. I just decided yesterday to go NC - I have to take care of me. It's not a healthy situation right now. I know he still cares for me (he tells me), but there is still someone else in the picture. That relationship is odd. I really don't think she cares for him, but she works for him and can't aford to lose her job. We're both older. He's had two failed marriages - I think he's just scared of commitment and keeps her there to keep him away from me.

 

But finally, enough is enough. If it doesn't bring him back - so be it. I'm hoping he'll see what he's missing with me out of the picture - but who knows. It will be very hard doing NC - if I don't answer the phone - he just shows up here. I am not making a point to tell him, but the first time he shows up here - I have a short and sweet "line" all prepared.

 

Good luck to both of you. I have had opportunity to date - but can't seem to get interested in anyone else. I know it is time to move on and not waste any more time.

[blender]

A year isn't that long of a time, it's normal for you to still be hurting a bit.. and it's also a good sign about how deeply you can feel for someone else. So much of our pain comes from the "resistance" to the reality, once you choose to be in "accpetance" no matter how difficult that is, well then, you will start to heal.. accept the fact that you will miss her at times, and will think about her at times, and that you never know what the future holds and someday the two of your paths might cross again, but for now the FACT is, you are free, to explore your own life, to look forward to all the adventures ahead of you, and to the new loves you will meet... YOU are going to heal from all this, it does take time, but start by saying out loud t yourself or writing it down, some version of this:

 

"It's okay, I miss her, but I will grow past all this, and be even better for having this heartache and the experience, and I can be proud that I'm choosing to let go for now and move on..I will take all that I have learned from this and make myself even better, wiser, more understanding of myself and others.. and I know love is in my future.. but it will come once I've learned to be okay and happy on my own..and this is a choice that is sometimes hard to make, but I am going to CHOOSE starting today to have gratitude for what I do have in my life and my potential future.."

[Deserted1]

Blender, another inspirational post! Thank you.

[spunkmaster]

Just to throw in my .02 cents...

 

I heard somewhere that it takes approximately half the time you were with someone to "get over" them. And judging by the fact that you invested 2 1/2 years into the relationship, I'm going to wager a guess and say that you loved the other person, and that creates a deep bond. I also believe that if you truly love someone, you never fall out of love with them, or you never really loved them in the first place. But you can't live your life thinking about what might have been, when there are so many things in life to be happy and appreciative of.

 

So, go out, seize the day! You never know what might happen...and also, never forget to smile! You'd be surprised how much better smiling will make you feel!

[blender]

And sometimes we fall in love with what we "hoped and thought" the ex "could or might" be in our lives, and this is why it is so important to separate the "feelings" from the "facts"... you might still be mourning all of what you "dreamed could" be with the ex, but that "dream" is still very much alive for you, it just might not be with the ex but with someone even more wonderful....

 

Sometimes it's harder to let go of what we "hoped" for then who the ex actually revealed themselves to be...

 

so let go of the loss of the dream with the ex, and accept what actually "IS" right now, you still have your dreams now you can go out and achieve them on your own and then find someone to share this with....

[L.J.]

Great posts, guys !! Keep them coming.

 

Blender,

An evening in front of my screen, when I despair, your words bring hope and encouragement.

 

Spunkmaster,

I was in a 10 months relationship with a divorcee who isn't ready to commit. She was married for 20 years. Using your equation, it will take me approximately 5 months, and my ex 10 years to "get over". I plead no contest to taking the .02 cents you just threw in.