Tell her how I feel or leave it?

[bikjj]

Hey everybody. So far this forum has helped me.

 

Some of you may have seen my post about 'when a girl kissess you what does it mean if anything'. This was very helpful.

 

Im now in a position to make a decision but I need some advice.

 

In summary, I like this girl and she has given me (i feel) hints that she likes me( Ive known her for about 6 months). The hints, I feel, includes kissing me on the lips several times, hanging with me, telling her thoughts and feelings about me, inviting me out, calling me from work and home on a regular basis. She has given me her home number now. We do end up in really late night chats.

 

The thing is whilst I can shut myself down sexually, I really do like her. The catch is she has sort of a fella. I know she is getting the fringe benefits from me that she should be getting from a loving partner. The strange thing is, ive never known him to ring or ever show up or anything! She has been with him for over a year.

 

So the questions are

 

1) Do I tell her not to kiss me on the lips?

2) Do I stop hanging with her?

3) Do I start to ignore her calls?

4) Do I stop taking her out for meals and drinks?

5) Do I lay it on the line how I feel and how she isn't available to me, so sionara look me up one day etc

6) Is our behaviour friends or is it getting confused into something else?

 

 

I am afraid to lay it on the line knowing what we have (whatever that is) may become weird or lost.

 

Any views?

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

I posted on your other post and i was happy when you realised what was happening was wrong. I'm sorry you still have feelings for her. Life really sucks like that sometimes. Firstly if you want to you can be friends with her. Nothing should stop that but yes i think you should tell her to stop kissing you. It isn't right and you agreed last time. So theres no point going alone with it. I don't believe you should put it all on the line but then i'm not you and thats a personal choice. But as i have said before if shes doing this behins this guyz back she could do it to you were things to happen with you to. Please be carefull in your decisions. I don't know you but i'd still hate for you to get hurt. Girls really suck sometimes Don't worry to much about it but stick up for what you believe in!

[bikjj]

Aw thats nice Rozi, and its great you care that I dont get hurt. Yes I agree. I am usually a master of my thinking but then everything gets complicated by emotions or a girl tells me how she feels about me even if they have a fella - Why?

 

I know what you are saying is right Rozi which is why I am now at crunch time. The way I was dealing with it was by writing a sort computerised diary. It is now 7 pages of typed text. Ive written it as if I was telling her how I feel etc so there is less in my head.

 

OK, I have tried to fob her off about meeting her out this saturday by saying I dont think I will be in the area. She said she will call anyway. You know what, i really dont get why this happens to me.

 

I was actually meant to go on a date last nite with a single girl who really likes me. However, one of my girl mates would not give me that girls number (as they are friends). I did have her number to begin with but I lost it. The reason she didnt give me the number was because she got jealous (even tho she has a fella as well!). She got drunk and confessed her love for me! All I ever am with a girl is a friend at the moment but this makes them behave differently when I dont hit on them. I mean girls will go as far as to show me their breasts or want to go away with me or even sitting on my lap or well u get the hint but I dont react because most have fellas or just do this to me!!!!

 

I wonder if I have a great big sign on my head which say mess with him - may be god is teasing me! I sometimes think I should be gay because of this, and even gay guys hit on me too although i dont mind the free drinks).

 

Phew!!! - just had my drama queen moment.

[arwen]

Hey Bik,

 

It seems she is sending out all kinds of mixed messages to you. You really like her, but she is kind of involved. I think you really don't want to start something with someone who is involved so there is little you can do (making an actual move would only add to the drama I think). But you CAN tell her how you feel. I think writing a letter would be a great thing for that. You can tell her you feel very connected to her and you feel more than friendship. Don't ask her anything, don't refer to the other bloke, it's just about you. The risk is that she may 1. deny her feelings or say she simply doesn't feel the same way or 2. say that she wants to be with her bf. But would that really make things worse for you than they are now? Then at least your feelings are clear.

 

But I do feel that kissing other guys on the lips is strange if you have a relationship. Unfortunately this is something of concern for you, if you were to start a relationship with her, would you trust her to not kiss other 'friends' on the lips?

 

Ilse

[bikjj]

Hey thanks for that advice. Ok so I have already written a letter. Do you not think this is full on? I mean Ive written about in-depth feelings etc? I will remove the bit at the end about asking her to make some decision and leave it open ended.

[arwen]

Yes, leave it open ended. Don't ask her to decide, she is at this moment probably unaware of your feelings. My bf and I were friends for a long time, and he confessed his feelings in an email, because he was too shy to do it another way. We were both single though. He kept it short, just told me that he had feelings for me and that they were too strong to surpress.

 

Ilse

[bikjj]

sounds good to me. I will give her this letter. Just hope her fella dont find it. I like my eyes as they are

[Dating Coach]

Tell her that if she likes you that much then she needs to drop the other guy or she can forget going out with you. You don't date girls that are involved with someone else.

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

Hey, i really think you have made the right decision i hope everything works out better for you! Sorry you feel this always happens to you. Some of my friends say the same thing. Remember relationships aren't everything and single life can rock! Don't spend to much time thinking about it you'll only do your head in and feeling negative about one situation can make you feel negative bout others to. Hope things get better!

[bikjj]

Just an update - see what you think. I bumped into the girl on saturday nite. I got the courage and told her how I felt and that I wanted to be with her. I said if she ever became single if she wasnt already, i would take her up like a shot. I mentioned that I may take up on the other offers of dates in the meantime. I also mentioned I wrote her a letter, and she said she really wanted to read it. She also told me she thinks I am very good looking.

 

I didnt get a rejection but I could see that she was thinking, she said she gets confused, and that things are not working with or fella or whatever he is. Later that nite, she told me that her sister thinks im really nice (an approval?). She also texted me when she got home. i can confirmed that she does not kiss any other guy on the lips. I watched every guy (even friends) she greeted and how she interacted, and it was only me who got the peck on the lips.

 

I know I got alot of attention that night, and she did tell a friend of mine that she thinks I'm a bit of a tart!.

 

She said she would ring me the next day (sunday )but I havent heard from her since Sat and I dont know is this is a bad or good thing?

[bikjj]

she aint still called

[Dating Coach]

Actions speak louder than words.

[bikjj]

I take that as a negative.

[bikjj]

Hey people, it is now day 6 of no contact so I have taken this as a not good sign. In a way i feel better for telling her how i felt, better that I didnt give her the letter, and relieved that I didnt contact her. What do u think?