Too soon to ask future goals questions?

[chelly88]

I have been w/ my b/f for just over a month now and believe that I am on the track of falling in love... I can't describe how i feel. there are so many words and yet not enough. I have never felt so happy as long as I can remember... never had feelings this strong for another person. I have been in love once but it was NEVER like this... not even at the beginning, not this strong.

Anyway... i was reading an article on this site and was wondering when it's too soon to ask questions about future goals about family, travelling, life in general... marriage views and values, that kind of thing. I was going to ask b/c they are important but things like family and marriage stuff might scare a guy away if I ask after only a month right?

[NKP]

It would for most, but if he feels the same way as you do, it wont scare him at all, he will be happy and glad you are thinking the same as him. I dont know your man, so i cant say how he will act, only you know him, so only you will know how he might act

[robowarrior]

You know many relationships fall into trouble because one of the two starts bad stuff,why would you become a drama queen and make trouble for no reason,thereforeeee i suggest you should enjoy the moment of love with him now. You have to understand that the question about marriage is 3 years too early. You see a relationship is like a soup, what you put into that soup will determine how it will taste. You only want to put love and light on a continues basis into the lives of the people you love. Now next to that, never give a spin to the wheel of hatred, never start arguments with him, or argue on the arguments that he makes, that doesn't mean you can't say what you seriously want to talk about but its important to understand that even small arguments act like poison and add darkness and hatred to the soup, that will ruin your life. So avoid those things as best as you can.

 

So basically two things here, watch out on what you put into the relationship, and dont rush things. You need to get to know eachother, its like wine it needs to mature. Thus, Stay together for a while before saying things like that now, while in the future you might be throwing a frying pan towards his head.

 

You can discuss the marriage with him however , if he would get scared and run away it would mean he isn't mature enough to marry or be in a relationship anyway. You wouldn't want to be with a guy like that in the first place. So my advice is to be cautious in what you say and what you do. If you want this guy to be with you, like a wine you should mature and him too into being prepared(not rushed) for getting married, and that is the essensial difference.

[chelly88]

I didn't mean like ask him to marry me... just like if he even thinks about marriage in general b/c there are plenty of people that view it as pointless and never want to get married. I realize it's too soon to ask anything else about marriage really...anything that i can think of anyway!

I know he feels the same... everything he does says so and i can see it in his eyes every time i look at him. I posted almost 2 wks ago b/c he said he loved me after he'd had a few drinks and hasn't said it since. I'm not worried b/c i can see what's happening, and i think he realized that it might be too soon. and i hesitated b/c i didnt expect it... but i do truly believe i feel the same. it may not be mature yet and is still growing, and might not even work out but i have NEVER felt anything like this before. when you truly want to be there for them through all the good times and even the really bad times...to help them through and be there for them.

 

i dont know how to start it... it just seems weird to be like "so what are your goals in life"...like an interrogation or something...

[annie24]

I have been w/ my b/f for just over a month now and believe that I am on the track of falling in love... I can't describe how i feel. there are so many words and yet not enough. I have never felt so happy as long as I can remember... never had feelings this strong for another person. I have been in love once but it was NEVER like this... not even at the beginning, not this strong.

Anyway... i was reading an article on this site and was wondering when it's too soon to ask questions about future goals about family, travelling, life in general... marriage views and values, that kind of thing. I was going to ask b/c they are important but things like family and marriage stuff might scare a guy away if I ask after only a month right?

 

well, why are you asking?

 

what if he says something that does not go along with your values? will you leave him, or try to change his mind.

 

the thing about asking questions at this stage is that you have to act on them.

 

why not just get to know him slowly, and I think that his views will come out slowly over time.

 

what if he says he doesn't want kids (and you do?) will you stop seeing him that night?

[chelly88]

that's really true... i have no intention of leaving him. i dont expect him to say he never wants to get married...i know he wants kids. i guess just to get to know him better... i guess i'm expecting him to have the same sorta views and values i have... his parents are still together and seemingly very happy so there's no obvious reason for him to be against marriage.

[annie24]

that's really true... i have no intention of leaving him. i dont expect him to say he never wants to get married...i know he wants kids. i guess just to get to know him better... i guess i'm expecting him to have the same sorta views and values i have... his parents are still together and seemingly very happy so there's no obvious reason for him to be against marriage.

 

that's kind of an interesting answer.... you want to ask a question, but you *think* you already know the answer to them. you are just expecting him to have the same values as you, so why even ask him the question in the first place?

[RayKay]

that's really true... i have no intention of leaving him. i dont expect him to say he never wants to get married...i know he wants kids. i guess just to get to know him better... i guess i'm expecting him to have the same sorta views and values i have... his parents are still together and seemingly very happy so there's no obvious reason for him to be against marriage.

 

Well, there are other reasons people don't believe in marriage other than their parents experience. There are many people whose parents are not "still together" whom are big believes in marriage. I have dated two men whom had "seemingly" happy parents whom were rather against marriage for example.

 

And, sometimes it does not matter whether they believe in it or not, as they decide they don't want to get married to you anyway.

 

Well, part of dating is getting to know one another, but I would be careful about placing a lot of expectations on it a month into dating. How about getting to larn his values and views as you continue dating, be careful about expectations v. reality too. A month into dating is still the getting to know one another stage, and you discover compatibility over the next while. Serious discussions on relationship goals together come a little later in my opinion at least.

[Batya33]

I think it's fine to ask in general his views on marriage and family, making it clear you are not referring to whether he wants to marry you.