Somebody gag me, please.

[CynicalGuitarist]

I've declared that I'm sick of life. I'm sick of everything this P.O.S existence has to offer. There's no room for me, and I'm nothing but a huge interruption and liability for other people. I'm nothing but a leech, and everything that happens to me is my fault. I know that not everything can be good all the time, and that "the grass is greener on the other side" but unfortunately, the other side is more heavily guarded than the Mexican/American border, I'm afraid.

 

First off, I can't go anywhere without these toss-pot mother!@#$er gangsters harassing me and/or my friends. Greedy #$#^suckers. Me and my friend were recently playing hacky sack doing no harm to nobody, when we get surrouned by these 6-7 latino @#$%^es threatening to search our pockets for money. I hate money. I hate money and what it does to people. I hate money for the evil decisions people make based upon it. So, anyways, I give up all my money (about 18 dollars) but it just isn't enough for those greedy neanderthalic cowardly twits. They want my whole wallet. Before I know it, one of them hits me on the side of the head and I fall to the ground. i guess they thought I was knocked out, but I wasn't. Well, long story short, I escaped with my wallet and my backpack. My friend wasn't so lucky, and they actually stole his wallet and 3 dollars. What did the cops/mall security do about this? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!! Oh well, typical of my life. Apparently, my mom sees it as "our fault" because we weren't being responsible. Uh, hello, WE WERE GODDAMN SURROUNDED AND THERE WAS NOTHING WE COULDVE DONE UNLESS WE HAD A GUN!!!

 

I'm failing in school too. I swear, I hate junior college. Everyone told me how much I would LOVE college and that it would be GREAT for me, but it's hell. There's to many people and every time I try to ask for help, people act like I'm mentally disabled. It's just like high school, just with older people and tougher work. I hate it. I can't pay attention and I don't fit in anywhere. Screw Geometry and screw Music Theory. Those idiots have no idea. My geometry teacher can't replicate a figure to save his life, and my music theory teacher almost killed off my love for music with "four part writing". I hate doing proofs because they are monotonous and useless. Moreover, I hate my brain. I really do. It's more unstructured and impulsive than a Mr. Bungle song. Unfortunately, as of now, it's either "drop" the classes, or fail. My mother isn't gonna like either. I guess the only reason I exist is to disappoint others.

 

I hate how I have A.D.D. It sucks too. I hate how I have a bad memory and have trouble focusing. I'm poorly coordinated so I have a limited range in my guitar playing. I have terrible writers block and haven't been able to write any songs. This blows. I would love to be a musician one day playing music that I love with other musicians, but I also feel that it's just a lost cause, just as I am a lost cause. "I wish I was like you, easily amused". At the same time, that dream is one of the only things keeping me to this earth, along with my family. I just want to find some peace in my mind because everything is a mess and I'm tired of it all.

 

I feel so alone. Like I'm just an interruption to everything. None of my friends seem to care. If I didn't interrupt anybody, I'd be completely ignored. Many of them show their spite towards me with their look, their attitude, the way they feel like I'm inferior to them. I'm willing to listen to their bull and give them my two cents, but whenever I try to talk to them, it's like trying to talk to freakin David Rockerfeller!!! And everybody wonders why I'm so cold and apathetic.

 

Screw those jerk-holes at Target, Borders, and Lowes. I applied for their full-time jobs and have gotten no calls back. Apparently, just about every job that isn't fast food requires years of work experience. I'm a pathetic loser cause I'm 18 with no job experience. Because I was busy trying to get my crap together in school. I'm so pathetic, weak, inattentive, and anti-social I can't even get a job in construction, carpet laying, or roofing. I hate myself. I hate the world. I hate the people in it. They show their spite towards me, humiliate me, screw me over, and wonder why I'm so down and cold. I'm tired of seeing all the people who try to make this world a better place (too many to list) die in horrible ways while crooked politicians and gang-bangers walk the earth freely. One helluva place to live, this world is.

 

Go ahead. Tell me I "need jesus". Tell me "it's all my fault". Tell me "life is what you make of it." I've heard it all. The computer is pretty much one of my only close friends because most of my other friends are dead, distant, or don't want to talk to me. And forget about having a girlfriend that's there for me; I threw that hope out the window a looooooong time ago. Well, I do wish I could have a drink, or better yet a big fat joint so I can drown my misery with some sh!ts and giggles for a few hours before life starts back sucking again. Too bad the world says I can't even do that because every job out there requires drug tests. Plus, girls seem to hate potheads/stoners too.

 

Life sucks, but I guess on a positive note, it feels a bit better to vent about it.

[doyathink]

CG, wow are you having a bad day or twelve! It stinks sometimes and other times it can be down right hideous. I think your mom should have been supportive when that happened to you...sorry to hear everything is going south for you.